the Page 988 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sometimes You Eat The Ghost, And Sometimes The Ghost Eats You
You Pacman Jones fans might want to savor today's game against the Cardinals: it might be awhile before you see him suited up for awhile. According to super-secret Yahoo(!) sources, Commissioner Roger Goodell is going to sit down with Pacman either Monday or Tuesday and deliver his swift, yet always...
Sarah Palin Booed At Flyers Game, Did Not Take Battery To The Face
The GOP's vice presidential nominee was in the hizzy for the Flyers' opener last night. The chorus of boos that began as soon as she was seen were blasted out by some loud music and (some have said) artificial crowd noise. Palin walked onto the ice before the start of the game to help drop the cerem...
Tampa Bay Rays Still Have A Bit Of Youthful Arrogance
So much for the idea that these young Rays are made up of honest-to-goodness, hardworking, gritty players just happy to be included in the postseason festivities for the first time; they got some swagger in them. The above t-shirt isn't some fly-by-night homemade operation either, it's an MLB-sanct...
Peyton Manning Kind Of Awkward In A Public Setting
Let's all get together and laugh at a famous person acting like a real human being! To be fair, it's not really Peyton's fault. The only thing more awkward than watching someone rock out at a concert is watching a guy's face while he masturbates to Internet porn — the spastic motions, the furrowed ...
Jesse Palmer's First Reviews Are In, And They're Not Good
There are so many reasons to dislike Jesse Palmer. Being a contestant on The Bachelor. Being Canadian. Being so ... handsome? And the worst part about him is that he just won't leave us alone, popping up in the darnedest of places. Like our dreams. Or, more universally, invading our aural space duri...
MLB Closer: Brett Myers Is Your New Bicycle, Dice-K Baffles
• Phillies 8, Dodgers 5 Taking the advice of his marriage counseler, Brett Myers decided to get rid of his aggression on the field by making the Doyers his bitch. Myers pitched well enough to win, but did the real damage with his bat, to the tune of a 3-for-3 night with 3 RBIs. The wife can rest ea...
Prop Odds On Sarah Palin's Puck Dropping Skills
I think what I admire most about America — after our vast interstate highway system and the existence of fried elephant ears — is that you can literally bet on anything. The thing I admire most after that, is that a vice-presidential candidate could appear at professional hockey game in Philadelphia...
Sox Fans To Rays Fans: I'll See Your Landing Strip and Raise You A Brazilian
Yesterday, female Rays fans garnered national attention for their fan solidarity through a Rayhawk bikini wax, but Red Sox fans, undaunted by the plucky gesture, are planning a pubic counterstrike. Bugs and Cranks picked up a Boston Craig's List ad which reveals the plan of attack: ...
Former Goalie Just Can't Stop Experiencing Gruesome Injuries
Although Richard Zednik's bloody neck-opening incident last season left many sports fans squeamish for weeks, former Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk's 1989 throat slash still remains the most disturbing and terrifying. (Video here — if you dare. ) And even though it seems statistically impossi...
Sarah Palin's Pucksterism Comes to Flyers Opening Night
Yesterday the Philadelphia Flyers announced that a special guest will drop the ceremonial first puck for their home opener against the New York Rangers Saturday night and it's none other than everyone's favorite moose killer, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Although Palin has no direct ties...
Mocking The Cubs: America's Fun New Sport
Some may say that the rest of America is piling on the Chicago Cubs and their fans; making too much sport of their misery. But is not our gentle mocking really a welcome distraction from all of the really serious problems in the world? I say that the Cubs are actually keeping this country sane. Witn...
Wisconsin Band Director Not A Fan Of Sex Toys
The University of Wisconsin marching band has been suspended amid rumors of hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct. That's right. The whole band. What kind of "sexual misconduct" gets an entire band suspended? I don't know but I was in the marching band and I can assure you, band geeks are frea...
Ronaldinho Starts and Scores For Milan
AC Milan waited little time to get a healthy Ronaldinho into the starting eleven, and their investment in the veteran Brazilian playmaker paid quick dividends in the form of a 37th minute goal in the Milan derby. That was all they'd need to hold off a downright mopey Jose Mourinho. • The Citizens t...
You Can Do Anything You Put Your Mind To, Except Drive A Car
Here comes a story about a kid in West Texas that plays youth football. But what makes Dillon Collier of the Greenwood Panthers so special? He's blind. Oh, and he has a radio in his helmet. That's pretty cool. ...
Hull City's Shocking Upset Knocks Arsenal Off the Top of the Table
Absolutely nobody could have possibly seen this result coming. The Tigers of Hull City are officially the biggest surprise of the new Premier League season, especially after their eye-opening 2-1 victory over Arsenal, at Emirates Stadium no less. The Gunners took a 1-0 lead shortly after the half o...
Mickey Rourke Will Break Your Heart
For those of you who don't already know this, the floppy-haired Midwestern kid who was the former proprietor of this site is an avid movie buff. While sitting in his parent's outhouse shucking corn as a young Mattoonian, he often dreamed of becoming a snooty film critic where he can tell the world h...
Doug and Jackie Christie's Love Will Bail Out America
This was released last week, but it's still incredibly amusing. The aggressively over-committed duo of former NBA'er Doug Christie and his wife Jackie are extending their gilded love to Wall Street, determined to jump-start the economy before the wilting stock market puts America into deeper financi...
In Which We Ask The Musical Question, What The Hell Was That?
Kat DeLuna was called a "pop sensation" by the Texas Stadium announcer as she prepared to sing the National Anthem at what I'm assuming was the Monday Night game against the Eagles. She caused a sensation, all right. It's the first time I've heard an anthem singer booed who didn't unintentionally b...
Miami Arena goes Ka-Boom
Earlier today, the old home to both the Miami Heat and Florida Panthers got demolished, and we've got video of the implosion following the jump: ...
Perhaps More of This Winning Will Get Them a Sponsor
Who needs some fancy sponsor when you've got a new manager in Chelsea legend Gianfranco Zola? Not the Hammers apparently, because they came out and feasted on the Magpies with nothing adorning their shirts but a crest and a number. West Ham picked up their third consecutive win at Upton Park behind...