Kirk Cousins announced in a blog post today on KirkCousins.org that he will not return to Washington. In the blog, Cousins expresses gratitude towards the city and his teammates, and talks about getting to choose his next team for the first time in over a decade, but more importantly, whoever wrote the blog for him…
When Overwatch unveiled new map Horizon Lunar Colony last summer, players were quick to catalog its every feature and develop strategies for how best to defend or attack the moon base. There are airlocks that lead to the surface of the moon, a single mega health pack right next to the first point, stacks of hydroponic…
It has come to my attention that some people do not like all birds. This or that bird is not good, they are saying or thinking or blogging nearly two years ago. But actually, whatever bird they are talking about is good. Birds are good.
Today, crazy winds wreaked havoc on the Northeast, blowing over trees, knocking out power, and causing a bunch of people on an airplane to barf their brains out.
Behold! The winner of the 142nd Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: none other than Flynn the bichon frise, pictured above. A very good dog—aren’t they all?—and yet, from my point of view as an idiot completely uneducated on the subject, not the best dog. Clearly not the best dog. Flynn, like any bichon frise, appears…
On Saturday, Barstool Sports president and short-tempered Adderall pill Dave Portnoy posted a video of one of his employees, Adam Smith, naked in the shower. Portnoy published the video to Twitter and then deleted it because, he said, Smith “cried like a baby about his dick being on the internet.”
Time is a social construct cooked up by humankind to impose some modicum of order onto an otherwise chaotic existence. But with that said, Super Bowl 52 will kick off this weekend. At some point. Who will win “the big game”? That’s not for me to say. What time does it start? Now there’s a good question.
Tom Brady, who has previously been revealed as a fancy dog by this very website, told a story today in which he outlined one of the primary dangers a fancy dog faces in today’s world: unwanted attention from a mean dog.
Here’s a rock-dumb hypothetical the staff has been arguing about for a few hours: If you were forced to choose two groups of fighters from the following draft class of eight kinds of animals and one guy with a gun, what’s the best possible defense you can construct for yourself against the remaining seven?
Today, LeBron James congratulated himself for scoring his 30,000th career point, a feat he will likely accomplish tonight as he’s just seven points shy of the mark.
Driving to every major league ballpark that Edwin Jackson has called home, one by one, in order, would require driving for more than 16,000 miles to reach 11 stadiums. (Toronto not included on this hypothetical road trip; he was on the Blue Jays’ roster for a few hours between trades at the 2011 deadline, but he never…
The longtime Sports Illustrated writer Michael Silver works for the NFL now, and it appears that his editors there are finally allowing him to live his dream of writing like a prestigious version of Bill Simmons circa 2002. His lengthy profile of Rams head coach Sean McVay is packed with more pop culture references…
Today marks the first full day of baseball’s Winter Meetings, that wonderful annual gathering in which baseball executives text each other trade proposals in closer physical proximity to one another than is usually the case while baseball writers repeatedly get drunk at the same hotel bar. This special event comes…
Yes, our dingus mingus of a President said something dumb and wrong, and once again he is being owned online for it. This time, in an effort to protect his image from the indignity of, umm, not being on the cover of one specific issue of one specific magazine, he made some shit up about “actually, I dumped them”:
It’s opening night of the NBA season! It’s time to enjoy basketball, the best sport. But if you’re planning on attending an NBA game and getting up close and personal with your favorite players, you should know what objects not to bring to the arena.
Earlier today, All Takes Matter co-host Jason Whitlock sent a tweet that was genuinely mystifying:
Members of the administrative commission of dipshit also-ran-ass airport Brainerd Lakes Regional reportedly spoke out against NFL anthem protests Thurdsay, while discussing air travel contingencies for the 2018 Super Bowl, to be held in Minneapolis. This world is a goddamn toilet.
Conor McGregor, who’s currently luxuriating in the afterglow of getting his ass kicked for money, recently saw a big boat. He was just hanging out on a boat of his own in Ibiza, but this boat was even bigger. The Irishman was struck dumb by the presence of the Big Boat, and yearned to learn more about it.
This morning, a day after news broke that the Red Sox allegedly used technology to steal signs from the Yankees, I called up executives from both teams to ask about how the smartwatch-assisted, sign-stealing operation came to be and what they thought would and should happen next.