ti Page 1853 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chad Johnson Wants You To Keep The Tape Rolling
No matter what anyone says, it's still hard to adjust to the notion of Keyshawn Johnson wearing a suit and being introduced by Chris Berman. It's like the spectacle of Sitting Bull as part of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. Keyshawn was not meant to be tamed....

About Last Night
What you missed while recovering from paintball injuries ... • NFL: Hey, the Colts have a defense too. Indianapolis 29, Jacksonviille 7. • NBA: Knicks' exhibition win over Celtics probably won't be repeated any time soon. New York 94, Boston 87. • Soccer: Whose your daddy? Not Greg Ryan, who is out ...

Take That, Papi
Because we wouldn't be Deadspin if we didn't post some disturbing, pseudo-bukkake-esque celebration photos, we give you your 2007 American League Champion Boston Red Sox version. We are still giggling that Ortiz had his goggles on in the dugout with two outs left to go....

A Long Night In Champaign
We very much enjoyed our trip to Champaign on Saturday, even if we watched our Illini lose, once again, to those Michigan Wolverines. A note to Michigan fans: As if you didn't already know, your fans travel very well....

We Have To Ask
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. Baseball with Buster Olney: Can you teach me how to look like the dad from Home Alone, like you do? • 2 p.m. College football with Mark Schlabach: Is it wise to use Beano Cook's mobility scooter for beer runs? • 4 p.m. Golf with...

Six NBA Referees Aren't Suspended For Gambling, But Instead Suspended
This morning, we learned about a few unmentioned NBA referees being disciplined by David Stern for minor gambling infractions. But if you heard this first on MSNBC, you might be a little confused by the conflicting subhead/lede combination. So I'm here to clear this up....

Jake Plummer Is Obsessed With Tiny Blue Balls
It's Sunday, and the following quarterbacks are starting for NFL teams this week: Kerry Collins, Cleo Lemon, Kyle Boller, and Brian Griese. With Timmy Chang probably a Tim Rattay elbow injury away from getting a phone call, some fans are probably amazed that they could use the services Jake Plummer ...

Patriots. Red Sox. Boston College. You just can't stop ANY of them. As if Massachusetts sports fans didn't have enough to tout, New England Revolution midfielder Michael Parkhurst scored his first career goal ... from midfield. Here's video proof that Jesus is simply engrossed in a month-long chowde...

High-Percentage Field Goals Are For Losers
• Heauxly Crap. About a minute after Matt Flynn's last-second touchdown pass put the Tigers ahead of the ... Tigers, I had discovered that my eyebrows were still raised in amazement. LSU opted not to kick a field goal (or at least thought they'd still have time to boot one) and heaved one at the end...



For My Next Bet, I'll Need A Volunteer From The SEC
You've got a half hour left to put down money on amateur athletes. You're desperate. I mean, REALLY desperate. You turn to Deadspin for three shoe-in victories. You'll probably only cash in on one of them, but it's that one game in which you'll be forever indebted to me....

ESPN: We Don't Want No Trouble
ESPN's new comment section, ESPN Conversation, has been an endless source of entertainment for us, and you as well, we suspect. Specifically the Featured Comment on their home page, which is possibly the blandest thing on the planet. In fact, I doubt that ESPN commenters are even human: Their commen...

Kevin Costner Gets To Pretend He Plays Baseball Again
With their whole name change — no more evil Rays! — Tampa Bay is unveiling their new uniforms next month. And they're bringing out the big guns for the experience....

We Have To Ask
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. MLB with Jayson Stark: I didn't understand your last answer. Can I call a timeout? • 2 p.m. Boxing with Dan Raphael: Can there be a division only for boxers with their own grill? • 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephania Bell: Nothi...

ESPN Anchors Feel The Burn
You know, we always imagined that Richard Simmons just hung out in Bristol all the time, sort of an unofficial mascot. We imagine him fetching Nachos for Van Pelt and really getting on Trey Wingo's nerves....

The Ugly American Watches Futbol
Kristen Pettit is a book editor — actually, she's our book editor — and took a trip to Buenos Aires last week, where she witnessed the glory of a La Boca soccer game. Her amusing report from the front lines is after the jump....

China Is Concerned About Your Hips, Ladies
There's pretty much nothing the Chinese government is doing to prepare for the Olympics next year that isn't entertaining. Here's their next trick: Making sure the hostesses for all the events are freaking hot....

We Have To Ask
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. Fantasy sports with T. Cockroft: Is it right to trade sexual favors for the rights to Tom Brady? • 2 p.m. MLS with LA's Chris Albright: Galaxy, I'm assuming? • 4 p.m. Football scientist KC Joyner: Why can't they make a mummy th...