ti Page 1971 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Odd High School Football Game
This is perhaps the weirdest sporting event of the year, and that includes any 4 a.m. log-rolling competitions that you might catch on ESPN2....
Playoff Pants Party: Steelers Vs. Bengals
For some reason, we're more excited about this playoff game than any of the others, though we know we're in the minority. We think it's because the NFL world is always happier and more in balance when you see teams like the Bengals — or the Texans, or the Lions, or (lo!) the Buzzsaw — make the playo...
Picking Up Where Chad Left Off
Since Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson has been so unfairly muffled all week, taking about 93 percent of the fun out of that Steelers-Bengals game, it has been up to fans to pick up his slack. One fan has come up with a great scenario....
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • Noon. NBA with Chris Sheridan: Your beat has kept you indoors for quite some time, eh pasty-boy? There's a whole world out there with birds and kites and squirrels and stuff. We'd start off with a high-powered sunblock, though. • 2 p.m...
Portis Becoming Subtle Character Actor
We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet....
Jamar Smith Fever, People: Catch It
Our father knows us very well, so when we went home for the holidays, he bought us the best gift we can remember receiving: A Illini jersey T-shirt of Jamar Smith. Who's Jamar Smith, you ask? Oh, you'll know very soon. He's the Illini's freshman shooting guard whose 3-point touch is like a tip-in....
Support Michelle Kwan's Right To Fall Down
We're not going to get in the habit of talking about figure skating around these parts, but we will confess, we taken much interest and, yes, enjoyment, in the plight of Professional Face Of Figure Skating Michelle Kwan....
The Tragic Muzzling Of Chad Johnson
Well, it's the week before the Cincinnati Bengals' first playoff game in 15 years, and they're hosting it, against the hated division rival Pittsburgh Steelers. Man, oh, man, wide receiver Chad Johnson must be going crazy, right? What's he gonna do? Score a touchdown and smelt some ore? Strap on B...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. NBA Hall of Famer Bill Walton: Could you mumble your predicted finish for the Pacific Division, and then discuss how great your son is? That should fill the hour. • 2 p.m. NHL with Barry Melrose: Savvy move changing the name of ...
Clinton Portis' Supermarket Sweep
Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't?...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 2 p.m. Baseball America's John Manuel: Come on ESPN, you're not even trying! Send stat geek packing and bring on a lesbian cheerleader, or Greg Gall. • 3 p.m. Bowl Games with Beano Cook: So it's come to this — weekday afternoon compute...
Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • Noon. NFL with Len Pasquarelli: It should have been a tipoff when Bush called the Vikings on Saturday and said: "You're doing a heckuva job, Ticey." Or did we use that joke already? • 1 p.m. College Football with Pat Forde: Why aren't ...
Laura Quinn Gives Us A Fiesta Of Pain
Thoughts while watching about three hundred shots of Brady Quinn's sister, Laura, during the Fiesta Bowl last night: 1. We kind of miss that TV show, Xena, Warrior Princess. 2. We thought A.J. Hawk was some sort of famous skateboarder. Apparently we're confused. 3. Brent Musberger is still al...
Saying Goodbye To Tice (And Others)
The grand tradition of the day after the NFL season came through in full force this year: Six NFL coaches were relieved from their duties on "Black Monday." One of them, Dick Vermeil — who is about to be played by Greg Kinnear in a new movie — retired, but everyone else went down like a sack of so...
Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. Mid-Majors with K.Whelliston: Bally, you little orange bastard! You stole my wife! Damn you and your charms! Prepare to die! • 3 p.m. Bracketology with Joe Lunardi: A 128-team NCAA Basketball Tournament bracket, with eight reg...
Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • Noon. NBA with Chad Ford: Your last Draft Board had more mistakes than a Princeton application filled out by a monkey. Planning on doing some research for the next one? • 1 p.m. Men's BB with Andy Katz: Just saw your column mug, and I ...