ties Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Last Night's Winner: Lane Kiffin, Bro
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like USC's Lane Kiffin, the happy mediocrity who won his debut last night against Hawaii. Coach Peter Principle is 1-0, everyone....

Carmelodrama, Day Two: Twitter Won't Say Whether He Got Hacked
When the Lord's Day began, talk was that Carmelo Anthony issued a $5K "bounty" involving the Slapping of Kat Stacks' "Pigeon Face Ass" overnight. Specifically ......

Miami University Cracking Down On Poopy, Pukey Sorority Parties
Miami University fraternities and sororities will be forced to hire security and designate "sober monitors" at Greek events this year. Why, oh, why would such drastic measures be needed you ask?...

Last Night's Loser: Drama-Loving U.S. Open Fan, Third Row
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Chris Chambers, Chris Chambers' Stalker Have Been Pronounced Husband and Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter’s anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

ESPN Editor Is Once Again Very Excited About ESPN Event
Easily starstruck ESPN factotum Lynn Hoppes is live-tweeting a softball game involving the Jonas Brothers, Mike Greenberg, and Matthew Berry....

Isiah Thomas Has Decided To Take His Talents Away From The Knicks
He says in a statement: "After speaking with Commissioner Stern and Knicks executives, it has become apparent that my new agreement violates certain NBA bylaws. Because of this, I have decided to rescind my contract with the team." [NYT]...

Intern Horrors: An NBA Legend Made Me Trash A Dressing Room
Welcome back to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature wherein the lowest of the workforce low air grievances or have grievances aired against them. This week, dealing with legends, joyriding on a motorized Razr scooter, and working a car to death....

Today In Things Making You Fatter: Baseball
Shocking news out of the halls of SI today: all-you-can-eat deals at baseball games are extremely unhealthy, and teams might have some ethical obligation to stop such promotions. To the pull-quotes!...

John Kruk Thinks Prince Fielder Isn't Too Fat
Teams should pay Fielder millions of dollars and not worry about his weight, says a man who was paid millions of dollars and refused to drop pounds. He then proceeded to pick his teeth with one of Mickey Morandini's de-fleshed ribs. [ESPN.com]...

Mike Tyson Offers A Few Thoughts On Gentrification
On returning to his old Brownsville neighborhood: "This white woman come up, and I'm thinking, Wow. When I was a kid, she would've been robbed and raped and left for dead. This is a real strange scenario, and I just wanted to cry. I'm like, 'Who am I? Where's my heritage?'" [Details]...

Looking Back On It, ESPN Editor Was Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like after he's been put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please read this wet fart of a column by Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....

Mark Chmura, Former Tight End, Lover Of Teenage Hot-Tub Parties, To Be Inducted Into Packer Hall Of Fame
He will be inducted Saturday night: "I had to grow up," said Chmura, who was acquitted in 2001 of child enticement and third-degree sexual assault charges stemming from a high school postprom party he attended in suburban Milwaukee."[WisconsinRapidsTribune]...

Last Night's Winner: Brett Favre's Unsmiling Daughter
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Breleigh Ann Favre, 11-year-old spawn of Brett, unamused ESPYs guest, symbol of a disgruntled sports nation....

ESPN Editor Is Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like when he's put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please check out the Twitter feed of Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....

Snooki And David Lee Together, Because, Why Not
The 6'9" Lee and the 3'7" (probably) Snooki met up at a New York steakhouse, looking nothing so much like Master Blaster from Thunderdome. [Twitpic]...

The 11 Most Dirty Players At World Cup 2010
Fantasy Football has exploded since moving off the newspapers and onto the Interwebs. Nowadays every office lunchbreak has someone boasting about their league ranking or furiously trying to work out a last minute transfer....


Last Night's Winner: Buddy Comedies
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the movie-going public that was treated to a hilarious preview of "Grown Ups" last night. If only all that basketball hadn't been in the way....