tom Page 111 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Minor League Hockey Team Scores Three Goals In The First 36 Seconds
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night for Binghamton Senators goalie Andrew Hammond, whose Senators took on the Lehigh Valley Phantoms tonight in AHL action. ...

Three People Complained To The FCC About Tom Brady's Cussing
When things don't go right for the Patriots, Tom Brady has a habit of swearing on the sideline, and networks have a habit of cutting to their cameras on the sideline to capture his anger. Jim Nantz will write it off as frustration or whatever. However, three people who sent complaints to the FCC don...

Arian Foster Goes Left; Tom Savage Doesn't
Arian Foster went left. Tom Savage went right. The Colts went to town....

Jonathan Bernier Humiliatingly Has No Idea Who Nelson Mandela Is
Nelson Mandela was a South African anti-Apartheid leader who spent 27 years in jail before eventually being elected as the country's first black head of government. You probably didn't need that insultingly curt biography, but Toronto Maple Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier sure could have used it a f...

Phil Kessel Got <u>Blown Up</u>
Last night, Dallas's Antoine Roussel wiped an entire pane of glass with Phil Kessel's tumbling form. We love a good, clean hit that sends a player flying like someone messed with the sliders in a video game....

<em>MNF</em> Praises Owner Who Tried To Abandon New Orleans
Monday Night Football spent part of tonight's broadcast practically blowing Saints owner Tom Benson, after it was announced earlier that he had donated $11 million to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Ten million dollars will go towards renovating Canton's Fawcett Stadium (including renaming it "Tom Be...

Maple Leafs Return To Saluting Fans, World Returns To Axis
We can put this to rest now, I think. Four days after a brutal loss that had many predicting impending meltdown, and two days after Saluteghazi, the Maple Leafs beat the Red Wings 4-1, and, yes, raised their sticks to the fans. ...

Maple Leafs Fans Finish "Star-Spangled Banner" After Mic Cuts Out
Before the Predators blew out the Maple Leafs Tuesday night, the pregame singer's microphone broke. The Toronto crowd picked up where she left off and finished out "The Star-Spangled Banner" strong. Crowds singing national anthems might rank above instrumental national anthems....

God Help Me, I <em>Do</em> Care About The Maple Leafs' Stupid Salute Controversy
The Maple Leafs—or more specifically, their fans and their media—have a talent. Every controversy seems to immediately skip a stage and go directly to the meta. It's been 12 hours, and it's no longer about whether the Leafs deliberately snubbed their fans by skipping the customary stick salute aft...

The Amazing True Story Of My Exploding Balls
The hardest part was shaving my balls. Before you go in for your vasectomy, the literature says, you should hop in the shower and shave all the hair off the surgical area. I called the office the day before surgery to confirm that I had to do this....

Tie Domi Only Wants To Talk About Microsoft In Awkward Radio Interview
Longtime enforcer Tie Domi appeared on TSN radio yesterday afternoon, and wouldn't you know it, it was a good day to have opinions on the Leafs. But Domi didn't want to talk about the Leafs; he just really, really wanted to talk about Microsoft. ...

Fan Throws Jersey Onto Ice As Maple Leafs Get Blasted 9-2
The Toronto Maple Leafs got absolutely shellacked at home tonight, giving up five third-period goals to the Predators en route to a 9-2 loss. Leafs fans were so mad that one of them tossed their jersey onto the ice late in the third period: ...

Bruins Go Down 1-0 In First Period; Young Fan Loses All Sense Of Chill
This kid is apparently six years old, and that is an unsettling piece of information given the fact that he sounds like a nine-week-old baby when he gets upset. Anyway, he's mad because he's just watched his beloved Bruins go down 1-0 to the Leafs in the first period. ...

Looks Like Everything Is Going Great For The New York Giants
Have you ever seen such joy? ...

Carter Ashton Suspended 20 Games For PED Use
Maple Leafs forward Carter Ashton has been handed a 20-game suspension, and will forfeit nearly $170,000 in salary, after testing positive for the banned substance clenbuterol. Ashton blamed it on his use of an asthma inhaler:...

He's Had It With Your Bullshit, Eli
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....

The Rad '90s Western <em>Tombstone</em> Is Val Kilmer's Finest Hour
Since I started writing this column, I've been wondering what to do with westerns. They aren't quite action movies, but they're action-adjacent. It feels a bit ridiculous to discuss Once Upon a Time in the West in the same space I'm using for stuff like Dredd and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning....
