A Regular Person’s Guide To Apple’s New Phones (And Other Useless Shit)<em></em>
Well, well, well. Apple, Inc., a cash-hoarding operation that occasionally does online strip shows, announced a new line of consumer electronics today. There are places to revel in the minutia of every last tech spec, but I promise that you are not interested in processors and megapixels nearly as m...
What Does Ray Lewis’s Book Say About That Night In Atlanta?
A few observations about I Feel Like Going On: Life, Game, And Glory, the new Ray Lewis book wherein he addresses the night he and his friends were involved in an incident that would end in a double murder, if only briefly....
The Dumbass Buffalo Bills Invented A Dumbass Quarterback Controversy
On Thursday, Sammy Watkins asked for the ball. It’s now Sunday, and the Bills have the beginnings of the dumbest quarterback controversy in the league. ...
Javaris Crittenton Pointing A Loaded Gun At Gilbert Arenas Is Still The Most Insane Thing To Ever Happen In The NBA
The Washington Post has an excerpt of Caron Butler’s new book, Tuff Juice: My Journey from the Streets to the NBA—Editorial Reviews on Amazon provided by Dwyane Wade, Pat Riley, and Mark Wahlberg—that delivers his account of the one time Gilbert Arenas nearly got himself shot in the Wizards locker r...
Ndamukong Suh Can’t Save The Dolphins, Who Suck
Every time the NFL rolls whatever waterlogged Floridian team has been exiled to London in any given year, I wonder how any foreign, casual observer would ever turn convert based on what happens in these games. They’re typically bad, and unwatchably so, but I don’t think anything has been less recogn...
Bill Simmons Returns To Tout The Pats And Whine About ESPN
When you fire up the first episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast—a free-flowing conversation once hosted by ESPN, and now the staging area of Simmons’s return to public life—this is what you hear:...
The Browns Are Such A Godforsaken Mess
Dwayne Bowe is a “healthy inactive” for Raiders-Browns this afternoon, meaning there isn’t really anything wrong with Bowe, beyond his fundamental inability to play football well, but the Browns are sitting him anyway. This is only one of several stupid moving parts in the stupid fakakta machine tha...
Come On, Summer Is Obviously The Worst Season, Fight Me
Just what the fuck?...
Yogi Berra Is Dead At 90
The Yankees announced early Wednesday that beloved catcher Yogi Berra is dead at 90....
49ers Fans Start Brawl Outside Of Buffalo Wild Wings, Get Pummeled
It’s been a bad week for Niners fans. On Monday, a group of San Francisco fans battered a Vikings fan after the game; four suspects were arrested over the weekend on felony charges. On Sunday, a group of 49ers fans reportedly started trouble in a Los Angeles Buffalo Wild Wings, and ended up on the w...
Please Do Better, Vikings Fans
One of the most hardest hitting babies in the league was spotted at TCF Bank Stadium today. I mean, if you can afford to take the whole family to an NFL game, you can probably afford to get the kid a new shirsey to go with the Bosworth ‘do. ...
God Help Us, Are The Steelers The Smartest Team In The NFL?
With 4:20 left in the first quarter of a scoreless game, Ben Roethlisberger hit Heath Miller for a touchdown on a quick turnaround route and immediately turned to his sideline and signaled to go for two. It’s the kind of left-brain peel-out the NFL has been looking for on two-point calls for years. ...
Jason Pierre-Paul Vs. The Giants Will Only Get Uglier From Here
Okay, we’ve seen the stump. Now back to the part where Jason Pierre-Paul is still a top-tier free agent with a $14.8 million contract tender to sign, and he and the Giants are going to mats about when he’ll be back....
The Procrastinator’s Guide To iOS 9
iOS 9 came out this week, and you might want to put it on your phone, or figure out what the hell you get by installing this thing. This is a guide for those who care, but only barely....
87 Of 91 Former NFL Players Autopsied Show CTE
According to PBS’s Frontline, an ongoing joint study by the Department of Veterans Affairs and Boston University has found CTE in 87 of 91 examined brains of former NFL players, bringing the Boston lab’s total to 131 of 165 of former football players at all levels. ...
How To Answer The Phone
Your phone rings. It isn’t one of the two people you talk to regularly, but also doesn’t appear to be a bill collector. And you, you’ve been answering the phone the same way since you were 12. Get yourself together. ...