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White People Should Never Do Hip-Hop Karaoke
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Buy Drew's new book, The Postmortal, through here. Email the Funbag here. Today, we're covering bargains, pooping in thongs, hip hop karaoke, and more....

What Dose Of Defeat Tastes Most Bitter?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
![Legendary Columnist Bill Conlin Resigns Over Forthcoming <em>Philly Inquirer</em> Bombshell [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17w9ey2hws0vijpg.jpg)
Legendary Columnist Bill Conlin Resigns Over Forthcoming <em>Philly Inquirer</em> Bombshell [UPDATE]
The Philadelphia Inquirer's top investigative reporter, Nancy Phillips, has written a story containing what we're told are allegations of child molestation against sportswriter Bill Conlin, a longtime columnist at the rival Daily News. Conlin resigned just moments ago, according to a source at the D...

<em>Monday Night Football</em>'s Experiment With A New Sideline Reporter Failed Miserably
ESPN paid the NFL $1.1 billion this year for the rights to broadcast Monday Night Football. To bolster that coverage and warrant that massive sum, they pay millions of dollars in salaries to NFL sideline reporters Suzy Kolber, Rachel Nichols, Sal Paolantonio, and Ed Werder....

Right Now, The College Basketball World Hates Phil Martelli
Todd O'Brien is a senior big man for UAB, but you won't find his name in any box score from the eight games the Blazers have played this season. He's not injured or suspended. Instead, his eligibility has been held up by his former coach Phil Martelli, for whom O'Brien played at St. Joe's before ta...

When The Lights Go Down In The City
The start of Monday Night Football is currently delayed due to this transformer explosion that blacked out Candlestick Park and presumably led to several copped feels. [ESPN]...
![ESPN Writes Bullshit Article On ESPN Employee [UPDATE: Ex-Employee]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4pvyhk17ljjpg.jpg)
ESPN Writes Bullshit Article On ESPN Employee [UPDATE: Ex-Employee]
Fundraiser: ESPN's James to bid for U.S. Senate...

I Am Totally Not Going To Panic At All About Aaron Rodgers Getting Frighteningly Outplayed By Kyle Orton
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Tom Brady Shows Tim Tebow What A Real Quarterback Looks Like
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

North Korean Heir Is Basically That Guy You Knew In 1996 Who Always Wore A Toni Kukoc Jersey
Kim Jong Il is dead. In 2009, we met his youngest son and presumptive heir, Kim Jong Un—a basketball fan, it turns out. Originally published July 16, 2009....

Elvis Dumervil Made Tom Brady Fear For His Life
Sure, the Patriots throttled the Broncos 41-23. But New England's victory didn't come at the expense of a little of Tom Brady's machismo, as the horrified look in his eyes upon this sack by Elvis Dumervil was more apropos for someone who wears Uggs. Which, I guess, means it's apropos—period. ...

This Time, Tim Tebow Worked His Magic In The First Five Minutes
Fans accustomed to Tim Tebow working his magic as the game winds down were treated to a surprise as the Denver quarterback found the end zone early in the Broncos' matchup against New England. ...

St. Louis Lineman Called For Holding Yells, "That's Not Fucking Holding!" Into Ref's Open Mic, And Then It Gets Weird
Rams guard Harvey Dahl disagreed with the holding penalty called against him late in the St. Louis-Cincinnati matchup, and told the referee as much in a colorful manner—while the ref's mic was still open and broadcasting to the Edward Jones Dome. That earned him another penalty and sent CBS announ...

Here's The Brutal Back Injury That Led To Bears WR Johnny Knox Being Carted Off The Field
There's at least one gruesome injury a week in the NFL, but they're usually of the ankle, knee, or elbow variety. This one's a bit different, and really pretty horrible to watch. ...

"Ragin' Cajuns" Just Rolls Off The Tip Of Your Tongue
Your morning roundup for Dec. 18, the day we got a call from Santa. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Penn State Wide Receiver Reportedly Knocks Out Quarterback Matt McGloin In Locker Room Scuffle
According to various Penn State reporters' twitter feeds, handily pieced together by Larry Brown Sports, the Penn State locker room played host to some more horsing around today as wide receiver Curtis Drake knocked out Matt McGloin following some "jawing in practice." ...

John Daly Pays Tribute To America In The Way Only John Daly Can
As he often does, John Daly wowed crowds with his performance at a golf tournament. This time, however, the action took place off the links. ...

Tim Tebow Supporters Persecuted, Forced Into Exile...For One Day
Behold, video of Riverhead High School students Tebowing in the halls this week. Unfortunately for two students at Riverhead High School, the act was met with swift justice. Twin brothers Connor and Tyler Carroll were suspended by the school for organizing the mass Tebowing. ...

Santa Claus, Guy Fawkes And A Cowboys Fan Walk Into A Bar
Your morning roundup for Dec. 16, the day we learned to set some goals. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Kobe Bryant's Wife Has Reportedly Filed For Divorce
Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa (née Vanessa Urbieta Cornejo Laine) has reportedly filed for divorce from her husband of 10 years. TMZ reports that her filing cited "irreconcilable differences" and suggests that she "believes Kobe has been unfaithful." No. Way....