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How To Win While Losing, And Vice Versa: Zab Judah Says Goodbye
NEWARK—Losing is half of boxing. The more interesting half. Some losers are tragic, searching for something they'll never find. Some are noble. But only one loser can do it quite like Zab....

John Salley Story Corner: Sleeping With The Enemy
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: A sister does her dirt....

Pat Burrell Hook-Up Stories Are Plentiful, Apocryphal, And (Literally) Full Of Shit
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business....

Prep Schoolers Up In Arms Over Plebeian Reporter Pointing Out That Their Crappy Football Team Sucks
The Sidwell Friends football team has been outscored 373-43 this season. When Washington City Paper columnist Dave McKenna pointed that out, he learned that the school's tony pansies are way feistier on the Internet than they are on the field....

You, Dim PR Person, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired, Part 5: Salisbury Edition
PR people are dumb. Not all of them, just some of them. Like this thoughtful individual repping "Voice America Radio" who forwarded us (and many, many sports-affiliated sites) this update on their new client — Sean Salisbury. Sigh....

Cockblocked By A Salad-Tossing Cow!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Heat Strokes, Game 5: The Last Asshole Standing
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, a regular contributor to NBA FanHouse and co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!), is keeping a game-by-game diary of the Heat's season — the one you're pretending not to care about....

Colin Cowherd's Asinine John Wall Rant, With Video Accompaniment
On Tuesday, John Wall played his first home game as a Washington Wizard. During his introduction, he came out to "Teach Me How To Dougie" and performed the accompanying dance. Colin Cowherd was less than thrilled because Colin Cowherd is an asshole....

The 10 Worst Long-Tenured Head Coaches Of The Past 20 Years
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

What We Talk About When We Talk About A Dog Blowing An Australian Rugby Player (NSFW)
And here's a story from the Australian rugby universe sure to leave your brain a scrambled mess. To sum up: Canberra Raiders center Joel Monaghan decided to get drunkenly intimate with his teammate's dog. A picture was taken, it went viral, now he may be kicked out of the league....

The Stupid Manufactured Outrage Over Kevin Garnett's Mouth
Oh, please. No, Kevin Garnett probably shouldn't have called Charlie Villaneuva a cancer patient, but does it really warrant this spasm of pretend outrage?...

The End Of Summer: Surfer Andy Irons Dies Young
Andy Irons, the surfing champion whose rivalry with Kelly Slater galvanized the sport, recently told friends he no longer wanted to die young. But he did, yesterday, of reported complications from dengue fever. One of them may have been a methadone overdose....

Front Row Lap Dance At The Cowboys Game
Something about that new Cowboys Stadium causes fans to get down and dirty. Word of advice: if a $10 Miller Lite gets a girl to do this, she's not the kind of girl you want. [GordonKeith.com]...

Last Night's Winner: Lunatic America
So, yeah, the towering weirdos and self-styled public slapdicks are big winners yet again, and this being America, we cannot let such a momentous occasion pass without being loudly stupid about it....

A Roundup Of Happy San Franciscans Yelling About The Giants
In an interview with Karl Ravech following Game 5, Giants ace Tim Lincecum said he hoped "a lot of beer [was] flowing and [a lot of] smoke [was] in the air." San Francisco did not disappoint Timmy....

My Girlfriend Became A Pro Cheerleader And Dumped Me In Wartime For The Team Mascot
I watched the The Walking Dead premiere yesterday (it was unreal) and then spent the rest of the night wondering if I had it in me to shoot friends or family members if they turned zombie on me. Like if AJ turned zombie, I could totally shoot him in the face and not hesitate. That wouldn't be a prob...

"Then I Felt My Testicles Switch Places": One Man's Twisted Story About His Balls
One day, seemingly out of nowhere, something terrible happened to Evan Jacobs's testicles: They rotated. Then came the pain, the marijuana, the doctor's finger, the testicle display, and the compression shorts....

When World Series Riots Go Wrong, People Get Hit By Cars
Here's some footage that's going around today. In it, a rowdy crowd celebrates the Giants win with vandalism and a bonfire. Then a car comes through the crowd and a mob swarms the car and driver until police show up. Holy shit....

The Strangest End To A Football Game We've Ever Seen
Do yourself a favor and watch the video before you read the explanation of what the hell happened here. Trust us....

The Chuckling Idiots Of NFL Pregame Shows: A Video Compilation
As The Wall Street Journal recently demonstrated, the hosts of the Fox and CBS NFL pregame shows do a lot of laughing. With that in mind, we've reduced Sunday's programs to their essence—dudes chuckling over something or other....