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Taunting Tony Horton The Day After He Slit His Wrists: A Cleveland Fan Repents
The following is excerpted from Top of the Order: 25 Writers Pick Their Favorite Baseball Player of All Time, edited by Sean Manning and featuring essays by Matt Taibbi, Stefan Fatsis, and others. Here's Scott Raab, writing about former Indian Tony Horton....
Dear Commenters: See This Guy? He Was Mauled By A Fucking Bear. You're Next.
Goddammit. It's been almost one year since that glorious day where many of you hopeless turds were swiftly tossed out of this place for prolonged cuntiness and now that time is here again. FUCKING RUN....
An Interview With Mike Cetera, My Literary Cubs Foil
If you've read Are We Winning?, you know my friend Mike, a Cubs fan who goes to the game with my father and me and worries about his young son becoming a Cubs fan. Well, he still exists....
After Seeing This Promo Pitch, Who Wouldn't Want To Go On A Cruise With Rick Dempsey?
Walkoff Walk discovered this gem of a YouTube video where one cadence-challenged pitchman tries to sell this Rick Dempsey (himself!) luxury cruise. You will. Talk like. This. All day. [WalkoffWalk]...
Erin Andrews Has Made It After All
It wasn't that long ago that everyone wondered how Erin Andrews could ever recover from her humiliating and scary stalker episode. Now she's rolling around in lingerie and letting people rave about her ass. Looks like she made it....
Is The Dude Using The Printer Watching You Watch Porn?
I went into a fitting room the other day and the room had mirrors on three sides. This is fucking awesome. I'll never NOT feel like I've walked into the middle of Enter The Dragon when I encounter a room with this kind of arrangement. WHICH DREW IS THE REAL DREW?! Also, if you enjoy studying yoursel...
LeBron Watch, Day 5: Conspiracy! LeBron James Wants John Calipari To Be His Next Coach
Mike Brown is gone. So, what does LeBron James really want in his heart-of-hearts, that unknowable place the media have never seen? It couldn't be John Calipari, could it?...
Intern Horrors: A Lengthy Stare-Down With Barry Bonds
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Intern Horrors, a weekly feature in which interns (and the people who hire them) get to complain. Today we have an MLB legend, a cooking accident, poop in a bank, and good old-fashioned menial labor....
The Public Humiliation Diet: A How-To
I had terrible back pain and I needed to lose weight. I lost sixty pounds in five months. This is how I did it....
Supreme Court Rules Against NFL In Antitrust Case: What It All Means
Huge news out of DC this morning, as the Supreme Court overturned a ruling that would have given the NFL an effective antitrust exemption. Let's look at what this means for the sporting landscape....
LeBron Watch, Day 4: Did LeBron James Get His Head Coach Fired?
Maybe not directly, but by refusing to take Mike Brown seriously, laughing at him after tough losses, and quitting on him in Games 5 & 6 against the Celtics ... close enough....
Montauk Monster Has Hideous, Equally Baffling Canadian Cousin
A mysterious animal has washed up in a reservoir near the Kitchenuhmaykoosib Band reserve in northern Ontario, but no one can decide exactly what it is. Sound familiar?...
LeBron Watch, Day 2: No, Seriously, Mo Williams Runs A Pit Bull Business
A comment in Friday's LeBron Watch about Mo Williams sparks conversation on the Internets, serving as a reminder that every joke's got a bit of truth to it....
Gay Mexican Edition! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Private Stache: Ken Griffey Jr. Has A Senior Moment
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....
Anatomy Of A Rumor: How The Gloria James/Delonte West Sex Story Went Viral
By now, you've heard it: LeBron James played poorly because he found his mother was sleeping with his teammate. We've put together a handy timeline to help you trace how ludicrous email forward gained traction....
The Saddest, Most Disgusting ESPN Lawsuit You'll Ever Read
Comes now the case of The Lady With Irritable Bowels vs. ESPN, in which a longtime employee of the Worldwide Leader, beset by looming layoffs and a spastic colon, finds herself pooping repeatedly in an office garbage can. It'll break your heart....
LeBron Watch, Day 1: The Secret Reason LeBron James Might Stay Put In Cleveland
In the first installment of his occasional LeBron Watch, Esquire's Scott Raab, a native Clevelander, reveals the secret link between LeBron's mom and his free agency — and it doesn't involve Delonte West....
Jet Skis, Assault Weapons, And Party Girls: The Mikhail Prokhorov Supermix
Newly minted Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov is America's new favorite Russian oligarch. In the wake of all his recent, reliably preposterous media appearances, we've decided to put together a mix. Please enjoy. [Footage via Nets.com, CBSnews.com, YESNetwork.com; tunes via]...
A Roundup Of London Olympic Mascot Photoshop Fun (UPDATES!)
You people are clearly talented, and clearly bored. Our contest will continue through tomorrow, and we'll keep adding new submissions until then, but here's a look at the early competition. (UPDATE: We have a winner!)...