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Wizards, Donuts, Knives, And Cannibalistic Fruits
Boner from Growing Pains committed suicide last week, and that left me sad. More important, it made me remember that I used to watch that show religiously, and spent a great deal of my childhood imaging that I was Mike Seaver. There was one episode where Carol brings home some new friend: a smoking ...

Colorado Rockies: Millionaires, And The Skipper Too
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Colorado Rockies....

A-HOLE BOSS DIGEST: Zap The Kids!
Welcome to Asshole Boss Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane bosses, coaches, and teachers you ever had. Email me your asshole boss story here....

Boston Red Sox: Team Of The Decade
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Boston Red Sox....

My Roger Ebert Story
The first time I was ever published in a book was 1997. It was because I'd found Roger Ebert's email and asked him a question....

Tim Tebow False Messiah Watch: Antichrist Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow False Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence - quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose - that the Florida quarterback is the Beast....

Three Questions About The NFL's New Overtime System
So the league appears to finally be changing the overtime rules. At first glance, the proposal is much better than the old sudden death. But then we got to wondering....

Steve Alford, Sore Winner: Curses Out Opposing Player
On one hand, you'd like coaches to stop treating players like children. On the other hand, maybe Alford shouldn't be calling college students "assholes" in the handshake line. Especially with a camera two feet away....

Utah Will Never Play In a Championship Bowl Game, How to Win an NCAA Pool, and Other Swell Advice from a Departing Gawker Writer
Hello Deadspin readers! My name's Foster. This is my last weekend writing for Gawker. I've written for you jockstrap-sniffing cretins before, but this will be maybe my last chance to do so. So while AJ's over there, here're some words:...

The One Where The South Korean Speedskate Lady Grabs Her Coach's Crotch
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Stories That Don't Suck: T.K. On Rick Barry, Do You Believe In Headshrinking?, Norm, Taibbi Goes Gonzo
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Tailpipe: "He Didn't Seem The Least Bit Interested In Hugging Her Curves"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

ESPN's Scott Van Pelt Explains Why He F-Bombed
ESPN SportsCenter anchor Scott Van Pelt has unfortunately been YouTube kindling twice this week, but has handled both incidents remarkably well. He explains last night's open mic screw-up in an email to Deadspin....

Fire Woman, YOU’RE TO BLAME! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

OK, Seriously, Time To Shut The Hell Up About Fighting And Olympic Hockey
The Olympic hockey games have been uniformly thrilling, to purists and casual fans alike. But there are murmurs, surely music to Gary Bettman's ears, that the lack of fighting is what's making the games so great....

Florida Marlins: The Team That Time Forgot
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Florida Marlins....

Scott Van Pelt: "Fuck I Gotta..."
Two nights ago, after being pranked by Howard Stern's crony, Van Pelt said "Hi, YouTube." Well, hi again. This time, fleeting internet fame is his because he let an f-bomb fly as SportsCenter headed to commercial....

Arrested Bobsledder Has Colorful, Checkered Past
American bobsledder Bill Schuffenhauer was arrested, after allegedly assaulting his fiancée. It's another sad episode in the life of a man who always seems to find trouble....

Sexbots, Virginity, And A Heartwarming Joe Biden Poop Story
I have a serious recurring problem. Once a month or so, I will walk into a door before I have opened it. I go to a door, I grab the knob, and I begin pushing the door in before I have begun twisting the knob. Sometimes, I'll give the door full-on shoulder check before I have to back off, twist the k...

Russian Bobsledder A Little Too Pleased By Canadian Wipeout
The dirty unspoken secret of the Olympics is that for every frightening, bone-rattling, face-scraping wipeout, there's a thrilled athlete whose road to glory just got a little bit smoother. The trick is to not seem too thrilled about it....