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No, The Sports Fella Did Not Hope For A Dead Georgian Luger
Thanks to the eighty of you who drew our attention to Bill Simmons retro Winter Olympics column, and his hankering for luge accidents. You can stop now....

Stories That Don't Suck: Death On The Track, Ebert's Silence, NASCAR's Backlash Ethos, Bubba In Love
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Bad Beats: A Bad Beat Of My Own, Courtesy Of Brooklyn Decker
Your weekly gambling column, featuring smart plays, oddball propositions, all your tales of woe — plus, betting advice from a 13-year-old boy! Send your stories to [email protected]. Subject: Bad beats....

The One Where Brandon Rush Gets A Lap Dance On A Dirty Couch
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.(NSFW)...

Track's Safety Was Already In Question Before Fatal Crash
When Nodar Kumaritashvili died in a training run this morning, it came after years of hype of the fastest, most dangerous downhill run in the world. No one wants death, but we all want the athletes to risk it....

Blown Threesomes! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

So You Think NU Can Dance, Weeks 6 & 7: In Which Joe Lunardi Has A Scarlett Johansson Fantasy
A weekly feature in which author Benoit Denizet-Lewis follows the fortunes of the only BCS school to have sucked so consistently and spectacularly that it has never made the NCAA tournament, Northwestern. Record: 16-8. Tournament prospects: NIT prospects? Great!...

The Seven Things You Learn From Every Curling Story
Nothing says Winter Olympics like a "clueless reporter tries curling" story. (Except maybe the "here's a black Winter Olympian!" story.) We take you through a typical curling experience, as seen through the eyes of every reporter ever....

Cultural Oddsmaker: Who's The Next Longhorn Girl?
To commemorate the emergence of Arielle Whatsherface, the new hot, young teenager that collapsed the internet with her winsome good looks, the Cultural Oddsmaker column makes a brief return....

Tailpipe: "The Padding Of The Console Pressed Against Her Side"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

Super Bowl Salvation. The Final Jamboroo
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Live Chat With Mark Bechtel
Mark's in the comments. Topics for discussion: Daytona, rubbing, smutty NASCAR romance novels, Richard Petty's loopy handwriting, the art of dodging fireballs on the speedway, Cale Yarborough's karate kick, the Swimsuit Issue, and why Mark is in Vegas right now....

Book Excerpts That Don't Suck: <em>He Crashed Me So I Crashed Him Back</em>
Today's selection is from Mark Bechtel's He Crashed Me So I Crashed Him Back, a romp through NASCAR's pivotal 1979 season. Watch the video below, read the excerpt, and chat with Mark at 1 p.m. in a followup post....

Clueless Announcers Dissect Obscene Jersey Salute (Fellator Update)
To all the middle-age announcers out there: when you see a fan making a hand gesture you don't understand, you shouldn't ask your broadcast partner to explain it. It just might be a blowjob pantomime....

Longhorn Girl Arielle Angelovich: A Lesson In Instant Internet Fame
How does one go from anonymous math major to a sought-after interweb celebrity in the span of 40 minutes? All it takes is some fortuitous timing, a bit of fate, and a bright orange t-shirt....

The Saddest Rachel Uchitel Interview In History
Rachel Uchitel, known internationally as "Tiger Woods Mistress #1," is gearing up for a new career as a correspondent for Extra. She gave a bland interview to Mario Lopez, yet spurned my own half-assed attempt at snagging one. On Facebook....

Well, We Found Longhorn Girl
A helpful classmate tipped us off to the young lady's name, and Deadspin Investigative Services sprung into action. There turned out to be quite the paper trail; follow it with us, won't you?...

Athlete Dong Is The New Celebrity Sex Tape
Before nude photos surfaced, only devoted NBA fans knew who George Hill was. But after — we all know his name. This can only be good for his career, and we will only see more athlete dong in the future....

I Was There: "... And This Couple Starts Having Sex In The Window Of The Bar"
The bon temps rouler-ed all weekend long in New Orleans, and Mike was there in his bumblebee costume. We're told he's still drunk. Let's pick up his account midstream:...

Your Blizzard-Proof Biggest Mailbag Ever
Time for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email me here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering the miso paste test, elevators, zombies, shoveling, and more....