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Chris Berman At The U.S. Open: "I'd Rather Sit In The Corner Of A Deserted Warehouse And Slug Rats"
Chris Berman, the sentient sports fan's favorite punching bag, spent the last two days ruining the U.S. Open, according to many. Operating brains everywhere were firing off questions like "Why?" and "Is ESPN trying to kill me?" Probably not, but It is, of course, a symptom of the larger problem a...

Dead Letters: Jeff Garlin Defends Himself Against "Struggling" Charges
Subject: Hello from Jeff Garlin...

Manny Ramirez's Dreads Will Cause Drug Use, Abortion, Gayness, Blindness, Fan Tells The A's Triple-A Affiliate In Insane Voicemail
This disgruntled fan of the Sacramento River Cats would like you to know that she is NOT fuddy duddy. Nor is she a crackpot. She just thinks that Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks are the reason that "unwholesomeness" is spreading across the American landscape. I strongly urge you to listen to this voic...

No, I Will Not Fix The Overflowing Toilet Today: The Dadspin Father's Day Manifesto
Father's Day is a con. Every year, I expect to have a Father Day's filled with unlimited blackjack and gunfire-scented cologne, and every year it ends up being like every other goddamn NFL-free Sunday in existence. Father's Day is supposed to be MY day, but most of the time my family abandons any pr...

Yes, LeBron James Fouled Kevin Durant
Kevin Durant's shot with 10 seconds left to tie last night's NBA Finals Game 2 didn't drop, and now the series is tied 1-1. Arguing over whether a foul should have been called on LeBron James is silly; Durant just as easily could have been called for a charge moments before, and there's no guaran...

Erin Andrews's Contract Is About To Expire, And No One Wants To Hire Her Away From ESPN
Around the time that news of Michelle Beadle's departure leaked, there was (surprise!) a US Weekly report that ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews and Gossip Girl guy Chace Crawford had gone out on a "couple" of dates. There were also a bunch of tweets about how much time Andrews spends with models ...

Company Paid To Monitor College Athletes' Twitter And Facebook Accounts Has A Sock-Puppet Business Address IRL
Last month, we met three firms that colleges are using to monitor athletes on Facebook and Twitter. It's ethically and procedurally dubious work, so you might assume the companies would be extra-scrupulous about how they run their own businesses....

How Not To Be The Biggest Asshole In Media: 4 Lessons I Learned From Meeting Jay Mariotti And Reading His Awful Book
It's been almost two years since Jay Mariotti last wrote a sports column or appeared on ESPN. In that time, sports media's ur-controversialist—a pioneer of the sportswriters-being-dicks-on-television genre—has pleaded no contest to misdemeanor stalking and assault-related charges stemming from a hai...

From Ukraine With Love: 24 Racism-Free Hours At Euro 2012
KIEV & KHARKIV, Ukraine—The fast train from Kiev to Kharkiv takes four hours. I know this, although I am not on it. I want to be on it, but tickets are gone, sold weeks ago to assorted Germans and other more prepared fans traveling from the Ukrainian capital to the industrial city that lies 300 mile...

Matt Cain Threw MLB's 22nd Perfect Game, And Here's The Final Out As Called On TV, Radio, And <em>En Español</em>
With a dominating 14-strikeout performance, San Francisco Giants pitcher Matt Cain dispatched all 27 Astros hitters he faced tonight at AT&T Park in earning this season's second perfect game, the first in Giants history, and the 22nd in official baseball history. ...

So, Who Embarrasses Himself The Most In <em>Rock of Ages</em>?
The central appeal—or anti-appeal—of any Hollywood adaptation of a musical is not about the music or the choreography or the set pieces; it's about watching actors who don't usually sing, sing. One of the most fun aspects of Chicago was learning how charming and deft Richard Gere was; it was equally...
![We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17po8uagmcz3wjpg.jpg)
We Have A Winner For The Dumbest Story Ever Written About Derek Jeter [NSFW?]
We asked you on Monday, after a particularly objectionable item ran in the New York Post, to write the dumbest story ever about Derek Jeter. You did not let us down. ...

David Stern Asked Jim Rome "Have You Stopped Beating Your Wife Yet?" As Today's Interview Turned Ugly
The Jim Rome Show turned awkward today as NBA commissioner David Stern lashed out at the show's host for asking whether the league's draft lottery was fixed, asking at one point, "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?" ...

Dear ESPN: Your Movie-Tie-In Promos Suck
I was watching the NBA Finals last night. Or, at least, I was attempting to watch them. ESPN was unconcerned with my ability to watch the fucking game and much more interested in running 17 different introductory segments to the game. This is what ESPN always does. They run a dramatic intro to the g...

The Devils Had A Grand Old Time At The Clubs After Their Game 6 Loss
Here we go again. Time to have that age-old debate over whether it's acceptable for athletes to have fun and go out partying after losing a championship. It seems like we just had this argument four months ago, but the answer remains the same: Yes, it is always acceptable. ...

Olympics Field Guide: Phillips Idowu, The Dennis Rodman Of The Triple Jump
Name: Phillips Idowu...

The Thunder Are A Matchup Nightmare For Copy Editors. So Is The Heat.
Tonight's tipoff between the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Miami Heat is a milestone for American pro sports. For the first time, a major championship is pitting two teams whose names are mass nouns rather than ordinary plurals. The naming fad that gave us the Heat and the Orlando Magic at the end o...

Bristolmetrics: The Miami Heat Got 120 Minutes Of <i>SportsCenter</i> Coverage Last Week; Every Other Sport Shared 130
When last we met, the Heat got more coverage than the Western Conference, Stephen A. Smith was inexplicably promoting a sci-fi blockbuster, and the NHL was discussed less than the Indy 500. What would this week bring? ...

Lynn Shelton Is The Next Great American Director
Can you believe that only two American women have ever been nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Director category? Two. Awards are too often lazily used as some sort of actual shorthand barometer of quality and consensus—Jesus, people, Crash won, which should have eliminated that notion forev...

What Are The Odds You'll Kill An Old Person With Your Cold?
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