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A Special Graduation Message To The Class Of 2012
I had a long drive home the night that I found out my son was in grave danger of being born too early. Not long in the sense of distance, but long in an existential way, the way that a minute spent waiting in a dentist's office is far longer than a minute spent hooking up with someone for the first ...

Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...

Everybody Loved Grantland
Excerpted from Over Time: My Life as a Sportswriter....

Better Know An Umpire: Brian Knight
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Down And Out In Baseball's Indie Leagues; Or, What Made Tommy John Want To Rake The Infield?
A dispatch from our correspondent with the Bridgeport Bluefish, an unaffiliated team in the Atlantic League....

Bristolmetrics: <em>SportsCenter</em> Said "Fire Extinguisher" More Times Than "Kobe Bryant" Last Week
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....

Better Know An Umpire: Jim Joyce
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

How Bobcat Goldthwait Became A True Artist Of Independent Cinema. (Seriously.)
Bobcat Goldthwait, in almost every possible fashion, belongs on the list of those creatures who could only have come of celebrity age in the '80s, along with Emmanuel Lewis, Grace Jones, and Dr. Ruth. When the highlight of your popularity is that you were the star of the second through fourth Police...

The Fruitless Search For Decent Facial Recognition Porn Software
Your letters:...

Source: Sarah Phillips Steered Business To A Bookie Who Was Probably Nilesh Prasad
So far, we know that former ESPN columnist Sarah Phillips and her partner, Nilesh Prasad, hijacked a 19-year-old's Facebook page, misrepresented their connections to ESPN, and engaged in some sort of minor-league hustle at a Corvallis, Ore., T-Mobile store. To that list, let's add another, more seri...

RIP Adam Yauch, Indie Film Hero
In January, Bingham Ray died. A lot of moviegoers probably wouldn't have recognized his name, but if they loved independent film in the 1990s, they knew his work. The co-founder of October Films, Ray had helped distribute movies by Mike Leigh (Life Is Sweet, Secrets & Lies, Topsy-Turvy), Lars von Tr...
!["Now Get Lost And Stay Lost": Introducing Crap Emails From A Sportswriter [UPDATED]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17lxhqrz8d7vjpng.png)
"Now Get Lost And Stay Lost": Introducing Crap Emails From A Sportswriter [UPDATED]
Ever email your constructive criticism to a sportswriter, only to receive a crappy, needlessly hostile response? Forward the emails to us at [email protected], subject: Crap Emails....

Patrick Kane's Offseason Drinking Regimen Is Off To A Great Start
Sometimes it's easy to forget that Blackhawks star Patrick Kane is only 23 years old. Wait, did I say "sometimes... easy to forget?" I meant "always... impossible to forget." Here's Kaner being Kaner, as Kaner does, in Madison, Wis., for Cinco de Mayo on Saturday. Evidently he was more welcome than ...

The Story Of The 40 Phillies Fans Who Took A Bus To Nationals Park (And The 38 Who Returned)
There's a smoking section near the first-base gate of Nationals Park. On Saturday, it hosted a mixed batch of fans. You could tell who was whom by the lettering on their red-and-white gear....

In The Realm Of Gambling Message Boards, Anyone Could Be The Next Sarah Phillips
How did a poseur like former ESPN columnist Sarah Phillips get so far in the gambling world, a place where you might expect people to value experience, wisdom, and verifiability above all else? Well, remember where she—and presumably her partner, Nilesh Prasad—got her start: the gambling message boa...
![And Here's A Woman Stumbling Out Onto The Court During Tonight's Nuggets-Lakers Playoff Game [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
And Here's A Woman Stumbling Out Onto The Court During Tonight's Nuggets-Lakers Playoff Game [UPDATE]
We're used to our idiots on the field being male and at baseball games, but stereotypes be damned! We had a woman try to join the action in Denver tonight as the Nuggets and Lakers wound down the first half of their Game Four matchup. ...

Mark Grace Helpfully Used The Telestrator To Inform Diamondbacks Fans About Technical Difficulties
Faced with an audio problem during today's D'Backs-Mets broadcast on Fox Sports Arizona, analyst Mark Grace took matters into his own hands—literally—by using the telestrator to let viewers know why they weren't hearing anything. ...

"I Was The First Man On The Moon": Pete Rose Still Lying About Things On Autographed Baseballs
We've already seen the Pete Rose signed baseball whereupon he apologized for betting on baseball. His contrition was questionable, however, as he turned a buck on the balls. Nevertheless, It seems the Pete Rose apology/weird novelty signed baseball has turned into a bit of a cottage industry. ...

Dead Letters: "I Didn't Know Deadspin Was In The Business Of Being The Moral High Ground Bullshit Decider"
Subject: Here’s a tip......

Getting Lost While Drunk Is The Best Way To Get Lost
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....