track Page 19 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Watch Tyson Gay Become The Fastest Person In The World
Tyson Gay beat Usain Bolt today in the 100m at the IAAF Track and Field Diamond League in Stockholm. It was Bolt's first loss in two years. I'm sure the headlines for this will be extremely tasteful....
Great Moments in White History*
Let the historical record reflect that the first White Man to complete a timed 100-meter race, on foot, in under 10 seconds, was Christophe Lemaitre. In unrelated news, Usain Bolt reportedly keeps looking over his shoulder ... with, like, Hubble binoculars....
Unfortunately Named Sprinter Defeats Amusingly Named Sprinter
Walter Dix beat out Tyson Gay in the 200m at this weekend's Prefontaine Classic, leading Reuters to produce lots of muffled laughter with this headline. [Reuters]...
Explaining The Caster Semenya Decision, Because The IAAF Won't
Semenya was cleared to return to competition by track's governing body today, even as questions remain regarding her gender. Here's what happened....
Let's Enjoy This Four-Year-Old Track And Field Collision All Over Again (Video)
Click to view For some reason, this (internet) old video of a collision between a seemingly wayward sprinter and what looks to be a long-jumper has been making the rounds. Watch? [Today's Big Thing]...
Michael Johnson Was "The Fastest Human Ever," According To Michael Johnson
A new BBC documentary about Usain Bolt—hosted by fellow sprinter Michael Johnson—adoringly mentions the man Bolt beat to claim the "fastest man alive" crown....Michael Johnson! Not mentioned: The one guy who was actually faster than Johnson....
Awesome Track Coach Wins League Championship By Disqualifying Girl For Friendship Bracelet
South Pasadena High pole vaulter Robin Laird thought she won a league championship last month when her final vault clinched the meet. Then the opposing coach helpfully pointed out that she was wearing a string around her wrist. Clutch!...
LaShawn Merritt Was Trying To Get Bigger, In One Of Two Ways
The Olympic gold medalist failed a doping test, because, he says, he took a "male enhancement" product. We don't really believe that, as a giant cock would wreck a runner's wind resistance, and make a mess of the baton handoff....
Indecisive Hurdler Discovers Breast Implants Don't Improve Leaping Ability
Australia's Jana Rawlinson was not happy with her body's natural curves, so like a lot of women, she decided to get breast implants. Then she remembered that she was an Olympic-caliber hurdler and silicon is heavier than air....
The IOC Erases History
Remember the women's 100m race at the Sydney games? No you don't. Because according to the IOC, it never happened....
Old Woman Sticks It To Nazis
Germany has finally recognized the national high jump record that was taken away from Margaret Bergmann Lambert in 1936 because she was Jewish. Oh, and sorry about the whole "trying to wipe out your entire race" thing, too. [NYPost]...
Cross Country Hazing Gets A Little Vampiritic
One college track athlete learned the hard way that, rather than giving you the strength of your enemies, drinking blood will only get you kicked out of school and deported....
Legless Runner Declares War On Bipeds
Track and field nerds may remember the name of Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee who fought to get into the Olympic Games (and then didn't qualify.) Apparently, he has turned his aggression on people who still have their legs....
Caster Semenya Is A "Hermaphrodite," Ballsy Aussie Paper Reports
Caster Semenya reportedly has no womb or ovaries but does have internal testes, and, as if determined to provide the missing piece, everyone is being a huge dick about the whole thing....
Tampa Bay Rays Employee Takes It Upon Himself To Keep Playoff Hopes Alive
And the best way to possibly do that is to plant a fake bomb as a "practical joke" in Tropicana Field before the Red Sox series. The Rays are still six games back in the AL Wild Card race. [StPeteTimes]...
Caster Semenya Getting No Support From The Tranny Athlete Club
When a male-to-female transsexual who went to court for the right to play ladies' tennis says you have no business competing against women, you might be fighting a losing battle. [CBS Sports]...
Hysteria Over Caster Semenya Has Only Just Begun
The latest is that Semenya, the 800-meter world champion, reportedly has high testosterone and a coach famous for stuffing East Germans full of steroids, and that her hero is WWE wrestler John Cena. Only one of these things actually matters....
If You Question This Lady's Ovaries, You're A Hatemonger
While it may be cruel to so publicly question Caster Semenya's gender, it's not a ridiculous question. But just keep in mind you're being racist. What?...
Arrggh! My Back!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Victor/Victoria
Androgynous distance runner Caster Semenya has won the 800 final at the track and field world championships, shaving more than a second off the year's fastest time as if it were an unwanted penis. [IAAF]...