tua Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Get Fucked, John Kasich
What even was John Kasich’s sweaty, affronted, whatever-happened-to-the-responsible-grownups-in-this-party act if not an even more insulting and ahistorical version of “Make America Great Again”? When was the last time the Republican Party had responsible grownups? When it sold a needless, catastrop...
Farewell To Ted Cruz, Self-Made Sucker
Ted Cruz, the worst possible man, lost the Indiana Republican primary to Donald Trump yesterday. He’d staked it as his last stand in the nominating race, even brokering a cynical armistice with John Kasich to unify anybody-but-Trump voters in the state, and got clobbered anyway, by some 17 percentag...
93-Year Old Brewers Fan Throws Out First Pitch
Better than 50 Cent!...
Leicester's Manager Is Deeply Moved By Messages From Fans
Claudio Ranieri is impossible to hate. Not only has he masterminded Leicester City’s miracle year, one of the most improbable underdog seasons in the history of sports, but he’s done so with such easy-going charm, shrugging off pressure and always deflecting credit to his players. It’s won him as ma...
Man Discovers Hockey, Loves It
The NHL convinced one more person to please like its sport last night. A man on Twitter tuned into Game 7 of Blackhawks-Blues, the first hockey game he had ever seen. He tweeted as he watched, and his enthusiasm was delightful....
Climb Mt. Everest Without The Risk Of Cold, Bodily Harm
There’s no doubting that the view from atop Mount Everest—the tallest mountain on the planet—is stunning. Indescribable, even. A view so grand that it’s unable to be properly captured by mere pictures or video. ...
This Tight New Dance Is Taking College Basketball By Storm
About two weeks ago, Maryland Terrapins sophomore Jared Nickens posted a video of himself dancing to Ghost Town DJ’s “My Boo” with teammate Jaylen Brantley. It’s a fun dance!...
Kobe Bryant Is Finally Going Away
In a few hours Kobe Bryant’s career will be over. It was very long....
Baseball Is Back And Thank Fucking God
At last, the death-gods have released their cold, icy grip on the United States; the trees are green, the birds are singing, and our greatest sport has returned. While there’s just too much to keep track of in terms of who’s where and what’s what and who’s going to do what and such—FiveThirtyEight, ...
Man Smashes Pads
A man smashed some pads last night, or— as is apparently another way to say this—“blasted some mitts.” ...
Johan Cruyff, The Man Who Invented Modern Soccer, Dies At 68
It would be impossible to even approach summing up the totality of Johan Cruyff’s unparalleled influence and contributions to the game of soccer in one blog post. First as the best player on the planet suiting up for Ajax, Barcelona, and the Dutch national team in the 1960s and 1970s, and later as a...
This Child Is Goose Gossage's Nightmare
If you think today’s big-leaguers are a bunch of disrespectful rapscallions, wait until you get a load of Bryce Harper Jr. over here:...
How To React To A Bad Person's Death
People die every day; famous people die over the course of many days. Those left behind watch as the internet floods with earnest RIPs and dewy-eyed takes and angry ripostes toward anyone with the gall to joke or critique At a Time Like This. In some instances, some otherwise empathetic people cut s...
A Good Goalie Goal
The Lethbridge Hurricanes of the Western Hockey League clinched their division with a 9-3 win over the Medicine Hat Tigers last night, and one of those nine was a bomb from Stuart Skinner all way from the other end....
Marco Rubio Will Have To Find Another Bed To Shit
Marco Rubio may very well be the emptiest suit to have campaigned for national office in my lifetime. He makes Paul Ryan look like Benjamin Disraeli....
Ben Carson's Presidential Campaign Was A Big Success
Hear me, O Americans. If lots of people want to give you lots and lots of money to go stand on stages and just kinda sleepily free-associate whatever pops into your mind in response to prompts from strangers, and want to treat you like a rock star for doing it, and will support you in this behavior ...
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Kanye West's "Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1" Has Inspired A Good Meme
Most memes are bad, but some memes are very good. This one, which is based on the very true idea that the beat drop from Kanye West’s “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1” can improve any video, is a good meme....
Double Amputee Hasaan Hawthorne Wins Alabama State Wrestling Championship
Hasaan Hawthorne was born without tibias. He lost his first leg when he was three months old and the other one two years ago. Hawthorne uses prosthetics to walk around, but wrestles without anything on the ends of his legs....
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...