tua Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Kanye West's "Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1" Has Inspired A Good Meme
Most memes are bad, but some memes are very good. This one, which is based on the very true idea that the beat drop from Kanye West’s “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1” can improve any video, is a good meme....
Double Amputee Hasaan Hawthorne Wins Alabama State Wrestling Championship
Hasaan Hawthorne was born without tibias. He lost his first leg when he was three months old and the other one two years ago. Hawthorne uses prosthetics to walk around, but wrestles without anything on the ends of his legs....
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Farewell To Viral Internet Man Rick Santorum
Once upon a time, Rick Santorum was an ambitious young legislator whose considerable oratorical skills and policy fluency existed in unsteady balance with social views that make St. Paul look like Aleister Crowley. Now he is a slang term for the frothy mix of lube and shit that sometimes is a byprod...
Conan Channels Cam Newton During Post-Joke Press Conference
Congratulations to Conan O’Brien, who managed to take the hot-take superfund site that was Cam Newton’s press conference and make it a set-up for a very enjoyable bit. I promise, this won’t annoy you at all!...
Mike Huckabee's Campaign Charade Is Over, So That His Other Charades Might Continue
Driving south on Interstate 95 through Maryland, eventually you come to the I-495 interchange near College Park. If you stay on I-95, then for the next little while, you also are on I-495, the Capital Beltway; the routes are concurrent, sharing the same physical road. Farther along, in Springfield, ...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
Hell Yeah Buddy, It's Time For More Bad NFL Lip Reading
The only good thing to come out of the week leading up to the Super Bowl so far is the latest installment of NFL players being subjected to very bad lip-reading voiceovers. ...
The Lakers Are Honoring Shaq With A Pretty Awesome Statue
The Los Angeles Lakers announced that they will be building a statue to honor Shaquille O’Neal, and it will be unveiled outside of their home arena some time during the 2016-2017 season. All we have to go on now is an artist’s rendering, but it’s a bad-ass looking concept:...
I Can Water My Virtual Plants, But Not Myself
Did you know that water is good for you? You should drink a lot of water. In fact, you should drink more water than any other beverage. How much water should you drink? Well, that’s up for debate, but let’s say eight glasses of water per day, eight ounces per glass. That’s a lot! Are you drinking en...
Vince Staples Is A Hilarious NBA Fashion Critic
Vince Staples is a very talented and funny rapper who also happens to be a big NBA fan. So, obviously, putting him on camera and asking him to make fun of the way NBA players dress was a great decision....
Cops Join In Snow Football Game, Deliver Devastating Stiffarm
Much like that Gainesville cop who dunked on those kids earlier this week, these Washington D.C. cops took a little time off from policing last night as the blizzard was roaring into D.C. to play some sports. This may or may not be an attempt to ride the wave of goodwill that the Gainesville cop set...
Cop Responds To Noise Complaint Of Kids Playing Basketball By Lowering Rim And Dunking On Them
Some no-fun-haver called in a noise complaint against these kids in Gainesville, Fl. for having the audacity—the nerve—to play basketball loudly in what appears to be the damn woods, or somewhere close to the woods anyway....
@WWESubway Is A Good And Cool Twitter Account
People put a lot of weird shit on the internet. Most of it is bad, but some of it is very, very good. @WWESubway falls into that second category....
Blair Walsh Visits Minnesota First-Graders Who Sent Him Supportive Letters
After a first-grade class at an elementary school wrote encouraging letters to Blair Walsh, who duffed a kick that would have allowed the Vikings to beat the Seahawks, he visited the kids today at Northpoint Elementary School in Blaine, Minn. The meet-and-greet featured autographs, conversations, an...
NFL Player And Lottery Hopeful Very Excited To Be Featured On Local News
Los Angeles Rams (that’s going to take getting used to) defensive lineman Chris Long appears on television in millions of home each week, but that still didn’t prevent him from getting excited about making the local news in Charlottesville, Va. NFL stars, they’re just like us!...
The NBA's Plays Of The Night Were A Tribute To David Bowie
The guy who does the voiceover work for NBA.com’s daily highlight packages is a true gem. This morning, he filled his daily highlight package with references to the late, great David Bowie....
#DaddySworeAnOath Is The Best Way To Mock Those Oregon Dinguses
Out of all the jamokes currently attending the Guns ’N Camo sleepaway camp in a remote and unspectacular administrative building in Oregon, the guy in the video above might be the jamokiest. Click play, and you’ll see Jon Ritzheimer tearfully inform his children that he won’t be home for awhile beca...