tv Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
<i>Bachelorette</i> Contestant And Former NFLer Colton Underwood Eats Conch, Reveals He's A Virgin
Team, you may be wondering: What kind of coach is leading us? Why would she go radio silent for weeks on end? Well, I’m a firm believer in being quiet until it’s worth being heard, and this week it was time to whip out the bullhorn. Colton, former NFL player and founder of the Colton Underwood Lega...
For The Last Time: NFL Ratings Are Not Down. They're Up, Compared To Everything Else
I am once again forced to use this space to explain something that is evident to anyone who has been paying attention to the nature of the television industry over the past few years....
The Women's Side At Wimbledon Is Chaos<em></em>
Alison van Uytvanck beat defending Wimbledon champion and No. 3 seed Garbiñe Muguruza 5-7, 6-2, 6-1 to advance to the third round. It’s just the latest upset to send a top-seeded women’s player packing in the first few days at Wimbledon....
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Transformers Prime</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....
The Football Player Flips A Log On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, And The Football Knower Gets Eliminated
Team, there are roster cuts every week, but this round was tough. Our numbers have been depleted during an away game in Park City, Utah. (Lucky for them, the state’s previously stringent liquor laws have abated in recent years; if they hadn’t, it’s hard to imagine our players would have performed a...
Romantic <i>Bachelorette </i>Football Game Ends In An Injury To An Actual NFL Player
Team, Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette was a rough one. Not only did we lose two soldiers to injury, but our game was in danger of being pushed back because of a pesky little thing called the “NBA Finals,” and was still interrupted by a fascist dictator meeting with a wannabe fascist dicta...
A Good Plant: <i>Ilex Opaca</i>, The American Holly
It has been a rough year for my five little holly trees, transplanted last spring from a nursery to the muddy, weedy slope of the western edge of my home property, along the stupidly long driveway. ...
The Athletes Hit A Slump This Week On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, But Lil Jon Showed Up
Okay, team. This week was a rambunctious one, full of so many twists and turns that none of us could really follow the playbook. As the season goes on, the chaff will be cut and the roster will really start to gel. But in the meantime, as your stern but loving coach, I’m here to make clear what real...
Fox News Shows Eagles Players Praying, Falsely Implies They Were Protesting During Anthem
Picking on Fox News is the easiest thing in the universe. So let’s do it, shall we?...
Tennis Channel Has Taken The French Open Hostage
The fan experience of tennis has become exponentially richer with the advent of streaming. When a draw has 128 entrants, like the singles events at all four Grand Slams, its early days are stuffed with matches, and no single live broadcast can depict all the action worth watching. It’s an obsolete m...
"I'm Having A Ball Right Now!": How The Sports Men Did On The Premiere Of <i>The Bachelorette</i>
Well, here I am, team. Despite what I told myself about not being able to put my body through another season, what with the countless pep talks and endless late nights and the cold Gatorade showers, I’m back. Team, I don’t know how, I don’t know why (well, to be very frank, I do know why: that $$$ c...
Here Is My Super Cool Plan To Save <i>Kevin Can Wait</i>
According to a report from Jezebel (Gizmodo Media Group’s shark blog), hit CBS sitcom Kevin Can Wait has been canceled after two seasons and 48 laugh-packed episodes. This national travesty happened at some point in the last two weeks, but the loyal fan community of “Waiters” is already clamoring fo...
There Is No Evidence Whatsoever That ESPN Is Losing Subscribers Due To Its "Politics"
The Wall Street Journal went deep on money problems in Bristol today in an article titled “How a Weakened ESPN Became Consumed by Politics.” The feature, like many others that have come before, presents as a fact that the Worldwide Leader is hemorrhaging subscribers due to a perceived shift to the ...
Report: ESPN Makes Another Huge Deal For UFC
You’re going to be seeing a lot more UFC on ESPN starting soon....
Tennis Player's Meltdown Ends With Smashed Racket And "Broken" Banana
One tennis player’s violent racket-smashing meltdown at Sunday’s ATP Challenger final in Busan, Korea had devastating consequences for a banana....
Fox News Dedicates Entire Segment To Spewing Bullshit About Jemele Hill Being "Unemployed"
The U.S. president’s favorite television show Fox & Friends spent an entire segment this morning blasting Jemele Hill, stating the ESPN writer and commentator lost her job at the network due to her criticism of Donald Trump. One problem: Jemele Hill remains fully, gainfully employed by the Worldwide...
The <i>Dancing With The Stars: Athletes </i>Finale Brought Kimonos, Backflips, And The Loss Of Our Dignity
I’ve always felt that every once in a while it’s good to rank the things you love most. You never know when you’ll be asked to choose between your waffle iron and Stanley Tucci’s character in Big Night, but when you inevitably are, it will be important to have that answer on hand immediately. It’s a...
Reports: WWE SmackDown Will Move To Fox Next Year
Multiple reports say WWE has agreed in principle to an agreement that will bring WWE SmackDown Live to Fox starting in October 2019. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fox will pay $1 billion for five years....
WWE Is Poised To Hit The TV Rights Jackpot In Its Upcoming Domestic Contract
The Hollywood Reporter caused a stir on Wednesday when the publication’s Matthew Belloni tweeted that USA Network parent company NBC Universal is letting WWE’s SmackDown Live go to open bidding for a new contract. That was news, but Belloni noted that NBCU bowed out because it believed that the cur...
Karolina Pliskova Unleashes Rage Upon Umpire's Chair
Forget the weak beeves you’ve been served in the past, all the gristly cheap stuff, and ready your palate for Grade-A Tennis Beef. Well-bred cows were fed only foraged wild grasses and massaged six to eight times daily to produce beef of this lusciously marbled quality. Appreciate it....