tv Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Romantic <i>Bachelorette </i>Football Game Ends In An Injury To An Actual NFL Player
Team, Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette was a rough one. Not only did we lose two soldiers to injury, but our game was in danger of being pushed back because of a pesky little thing called the “NBA Finals,” and was still interrupted by a fascist dictator meeting with a wannabe fascist dicta...
A Good Plant: <i>Ilex Opaca</i>, The American Holly
It has been a rough year for my five little holly trees, transplanted last spring from a nursery to the muddy, weedy slope of the western edge of my home property, along the stupidly long driveway. ...
The Athletes Hit A Slump This Week On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, But Lil Jon Showed Up
Okay, team. This week was a rambunctious one, full of so many twists and turns that none of us could really follow the playbook. As the season goes on, the chaff will be cut and the roster will really start to gel. But in the meantime, as your stern but loving coach, I’m here to make clear what real...
Fox News Shows Eagles Players Praying, Falsely Implies They Were Protesting During Anthem
Picking on Fox News is the easiest thing in the universe. So let’s do it, shall we?...
Tennis Channel Has Taken The French Open Hostage
The fan experience of tennis has become exponentially richer with the advent of streaming. When a draw has 128 entrants, like the singles events at all four Grand Slams, its early days are stuffed with matches, and no single live broadcast can depict all the action worth watching. It’s an obsolete m...
"I'm Having A Ball Right Now!": How The Sports Men Did On The Premiere Of <i>The Bachelorette</i>
Well, here I am, team. Despite what I told myself about not being able to put my body through another season, what with the countless pep talks and endless late nights and the cold Gatorade showers, I’m back. Team, I don’t know how, I don’t know why (well, to be very frank, I do know why: that $$$ c...
Here Is My Super Cool Plan To Save <i>Kevin Can Wait</i>
According to a report from Jezebel (Gizmodo Media Group’s shark blog), hit CBS sitcom Kevin Can Wait has been canceled after two seasons and 48 laugh-packed episodes. This national travesty happened at some point in the last two weeks, but the loyal fan community of “Waiters” is already clamoring fo...
There Is No Evidence Whatsoever That ESPN Is Losing Subscribers Due To Its "Politics"
The Wall Street Journal went deep on money problems in Bristol today in an article titled “How a Weakened ESPN Became Consumed by Politics.” The feature, like many others that have come before, presents as a fact that the Worldwide Leader is hemorrhaging subscribers due to a perceived shift to the ...
Report: ESPN Makes Another Huge Deal For UFC
You’re going to be seeing a lot more UFC on ESPN starting soon....
Tennis Player's Meltdown Ends With Smashed Racket And "Broken" Banana
One tennis player’s violent racket-smashing meltdown at Sunday’s ATP Challenger final in Busan, Korea had devastating consequences for a banana....
Fox News Dedicates Entire Segment To Spewing Bullshit About Jemele Hill Being "Unemployed"
The U.S. president’s favorite television show Fox & Friends spent an entire segment this morning blasting Jemele Hill, stating the ESPN writer and commentator lost her job at the network due to her criticism of Donald Trump. One problem: Jemele Hill remains fully, gainfully employed by the Worldwide...
The <i>Dancing With The Stars: Athletes </i>Finale Brought Kimonos, Backflips, And The Loss Of Our Dignity
I’ve always felt that every once in a while it’s good to rank the things you love most. You never know when you’ll be asked to choose between your waffle iron and Stanley Tucci’s character in Big Night, but when you inevitably are, it will be important to have that answer on hand immediately. It’s a...
Reports: WWE SmackDown Will Move To Fox Next Year
Multiple reports say WWE has agreed in principle to an agreement that will bring WWE SmackDown Live to Fox starting in October 2019. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fox will pay $1 billion for five years....
WWE Is Poised To Hit The TV Rights Jackpot In Its Upcoming Domestic Contract
The Hollywood Reporter caused a stir on Wednesday when the publication’s Matthew Belloni tweeted that USA Network parent company NBC Universal is letting WWE’s SmackDown Live go to open bidding for a new contract. That was news, but Belloni noted that NBCU bowed out because it believed that the cur...
Karolina Pliskova Unleashes Rage Upon Umpire's Chair
Forget the weak beeves you’ve been served in the past, all the gristly cheap stuff, and ready your palate for Grade-A Tennis Beef. Well-bred cows were fed only foraged wild grasses and massaged six to eight times daily to produce beef of this lusciously marbled quality. Appreciate it....
<i>God Of War</i> Makes Its Violence Matter
Video games are serious now. It’s no longer enough for AAA video games to have sleek graphics, hours upon hours of playable content, and innovative game mechanics. They also need top-notch voice acting, cinematic cutscenes featuring real actors performing in motion-capture suits, and a compelling st...
Kristaps Porzingis Is Seeking Companionship In Madrid :))
Since suffering a season-ending ACL tear, Kristaps Porzingis has done everything a Knicks fan could have hoped for. The 22-year-old is busying himself with two or three therapy sessions a day, strengthening his core and upper body, and sharpening his mind. “Reading bores me, I don’t like reading,” h...
The All-Athlete <i>Dancing With The Stars</i> Is Here And We're Smiling Through It
Last night, at exactly the same time as the Celtics-Sixers NBA Eastern Conference semifinals game, somewhere between 16 and 23 people in America elected to tune into a different kind of sporting event. That’s right, my devoted DaStie AthHeads: the long-awaited first episode of Dancing with the Stars...
WWE Is In A Fight To Control The Future Of British Wrestling
On Wednesday, various British news outlets reported that ITV has commissioned a 10-episode reboot of World of Sport Wrestling, which aired for decades on the network before a 1988 cancellation. This is a big deal. As popular as pro wrestling is in the United Kingdom, WWE doesn’t actually have a huge...
My Enemies In Nature, Ranked
It’s more or less springlike now, pending yet another cruel and absurd outbreak of The Eternal Winter of 2017-18. Here in my absurd forest dwelling, spring means that we are emerging, pallid and blinking, to plant new trees and azaleas, to try with ludicrous and doomed vanity to restore some mowable...