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There Will Be No More Kegs Or Student U-Hauls At Yale Athletic Events
After one woman was run over at the Harvard-Yale tailgate in November, Yale announced today that they've banned kegs and student-driven trucks from the tailgate, which will now end at kickoff. Guess that means more Ivy League football for all?...

The Alabama Teabagger Has A Mugshot
Brian Downing, the man who is accused of "pressing his testicles on the neck of an unconscious LSU fan," as the Times-Picuyane puts it, turned himself in to police last night and has been booked on one count of sexual battery and one count of obscenity. Here's his endearing mugshot....

Well, This Is Pretty Much The Worst Ending For A Horse Race
And this is why you should never play the ponies: the human element....

The Mets Are Moving In The Fences, And They're Selling Them Too
Because they can't lure you to the ballpark with a winning team, the Mets will try to lure you with home runs. They're bringing in the outfield walls at Citi Field to goose scoring, and here's a question we definitely never pondered: what do you do with the old outfield wall? If you're a billion dol...

ShortCenter: The Giants And The 49ers Are The Same Team, To Judge By ESPN's Buzzwords
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

This Flyers Fan Has A Pair Of Straightforward Messages For The Islanders
Your morning roundup for Jan. 20, the day we learned old men in Japan engage in vaginal prayer. Photo via Busted Coverage. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

"The Fans Would Throw Little Tinfoils Of Hash At Me": A 1980 Interview With Bill "Spaceman" Lee, Baseball's Stoner Evangelist
The folks at The Golden Sombrero alerted us to this wonderful piece of baseball history: a 1980 High Times interview with pitcher Bill "Spaceman" Lee in which Lee holds forth on drugs, Bowie Kuhn, race, reincarnation, drugs, drug use, drug abuse, which drugs Expos fans threw to him in tribute, eatin...

Before It's Made Public, Louis Freeh's Independent Investigation Of Penn State Will Be Reviewed By Penn State
That's according to what two members of the university's Faculty Council who had met with Freeh last week told ESPN. Freeh, the former director of the FBI, had promised "complete independence" when he was hired by the school in the weeks after the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke. This is from ESPN:...

Yu Screwed Prince Fielder (Sort Of)
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!!...

FIFA Mandates World Cup Drunkenness
At long last, we've identified the one cause FIFA will fight for: The right to sell their sponsors' beer....


Justin Blackmon Hopes To Play With Drew Brees Or Aaron Rodgers, Doesn't Read A Lot Of Mock Drafts
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: enjoy Blaine Gabbert's underthows, sucker....

Oh Yu: A Collection Of Awful Yu Darvish Headline Puns
Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish officially signed to a six-year, $60 million deal with the Texas Rangers on Wednesday. Darvish, perhaps the most highly-touted player to ever come out of Japan, will be counted on to help shore up the Rangers' pitching staff following the loss of their former No. 1 starte...

Brian Downing, Alleged Alabama Teabagger, Has Turned Himself In
The Russell County, Ala., sheriff says Brian Downing—the man we identified this morning as the Alabama teabagger—visited the sheriff's office this afternoon with his attorney and spoke by phone with the New Orleans police detective investigating the teabagging incident....

Fausto Carmona Is Not Fausto Carmona
He is Roberto Hernandez Heredia. That is all....

20,000 Screaming Children Watch A Soccer Match
The last time AZ Alkmaar came to town, an Ajax fan attacked their keeper. AZ was pulled off the field, and the Dutch FA later declared the game a wash. Today was the replay, but due to the Netherlands' — and specifically's Ajax's — problems with ultras, the match was supposed to be played in an empt...
![Former Georgetown Coach John Thompson Doesn't Know What Herpes Is [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Former Georgetown Coach John Thompson Doesn't Know What Herpes Is [UPDATE]
Here's a clip from yesterday's John Thompson Show on ESPN 980 in Washington, D.C., during which a discussion of Ryan Braun's PED incident took place. (Deadspin edited about a minute from the discussion for brevity.) The program quickly moves onto a new topic once Thompson mentions that he doesn't ...

The Patriot Way Is Now A Load Of Shit
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

How Could Penn State's Trustees Have Been Blindsided By The Sandusky Case?
Thirteen of the 32 members of Penn State's Board of Trustees sat down with The New York Times yesterday to finally tell their side of the story. The resulting published narrative walks us through how the board reacted in the immediate aftermath of the release of the Jerry Sandusky grand jury presen...

The Verducci Effect Is Overworked And Broken Down
Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci came out with his annual "Year After Effect" column yesterday, based on his hypothesis that that young pitchers tend to break down the season after an increased workload. Specifically, a pitcher 25 and under is supposed to be at risk if he pitched at least 30 more i...