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Prince Fielder Could Be A Washington National This Season, And Other News Around The Hot Stove
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!...

HOLY SHIT JEFF GARCIA IS THE TEXANS' THIRD-STRING QB
We saw Jake Delhomme stumble through three quarters of Titans-Texans on Sunday after TJ Yates' injury, and we got to wondering who the Texans' third quarterback was. (You'll recall that Matts Schaub and Leinart are both out for the season.) We figured it was a reliable old guy, like Brian Griese, or...

Some Guy Got A Giant Tattoo Of Stevie Johnson's Head On His Arm
Johnson, the Bills wide receiver who was benched over the weekend, did this not so long ago. He still wound up with 1007 yards on the year. And now he tweeted a photo of the dude's tattoo. Everything about this is so dispiriting I don't know whom I should call classless. [@StevieJohnson13, via Sport...

Steelers Safety Ryan Clark Won't Play In Denver On Sunday Because It Might Kill Him
Ryan Clark, Pittsburgh's veteran starting safety without all the long hair, has the sickle-cell trait. It's a condition that impacts his blood when he exerts himself in the high altitude. Clark lost 30 pounds and nearly died when the Steelers played at Denver in 2007, after which doctors had to rem...

At The Winter Classic, A New Year Belongs To Gary Bettman
PHILADELPHIA—These are supposed to be the treasured memories of the NHL's Winter Classic: Star-crossed Brayden Schenn's first career goal. Mike Rupp's mocking Jagr salute after his first score. Henrik Lundqvist stoning a penalty shot for the game. But they're transient memories, already fading....

For Some Reason, The Chargers Did Not Fire Norv Turner And A.J. Smith
You probably have a friend who doesn't follow football that closely and thinks the Chargers are really great. He likes that they have Antonio Gates, who is a killer in fantasy, and Vincent Jackson. He thinks Philip Rivers deserves to be mentioned with Tom Brady and Peyton Manning as the best quarter...
![Mavericks Play-By-Play Voice Mark Followill Will Not Tolerate Your Online Criticism [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4opz3qbkx6jpg.jpg)
Mavericks Play-By-Play Voice Mark Followill Will Not Tolerate Your Online Criticism [UPDATE]
NBA X's & O's maven Sebastian Pruiti (formerly of NBA Playbook, now at Grantland) watches a lot of basketball on television—as much, I'd wager, as anyone in the country. An experienced observer of local NBA broadcasts, then, he's within his rights to offer the tame criticism of the Mavericks broadc...

Michele Bachmann Is Just Like Tim Tebow, Says Most Inevitable Campaign Ad Ever
One won the Iowa straw poll five months ago and is now trending in single digits on the day of that state's caucus vote. The other made the playoffs despite a three-game losing streak to end the regular season with a .500 record. See? They're exactly the same! [The Hill]...

What It Sounds Like To Sit Next To The World's Most Annoying Miami Heat Fan
It was Dec. 27, and Jason Feifer was pumped for the Miami Heat home season opener. Feifer and his dad had scored tickets to see the Heat take on the Boston Celtics. As the Feifers settled into their seats, they paid little attention to the petite woman next to them. The woman was by herself, wearing...

Kris Humphries: Douchebag Homophobe
Kris Humphries is out indefinitely with a shoulder injury while the Nets continue to slide, losing their fifth straight last night to the Pacers....

Mike Milbury Referred To The New York Rangers As "The Blue Shits" Yesterday
It wasn't deliberate, and he quickly corrected himself, but we can all still have a laugh at it. [NBC; h/t to Roe H.]...

Some Dude Got Arrested For Breaking Into Wrigley Field And Ripping Ivy Off The Walls
Michael Vite, 24, allegedly entered the ballpark through a construction area around 7:30 a.m. on New Year's Day. Police say he "ran onto the field and pulled some ivy off the outfield wall." Which is pretty lame compared to this. [CBS Chicago; h/t to Disco Choo]...

ESPN Thinks Helmet-To-Helmet Hits Are Pretty Great
The Worldwide Leader did away with its "Jacked Up!" segment some time ago, but it's still not above marveling at and even promoting footage of a good old-fashioned helmet-to-helmet blast, as this tweet to its 2.4 million followers clearly indicates....

Was Matt Flynn's Big Game A Fluke?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Yes, The Yeti Is Real, And It's A Fan Of The South Carolina Gamecocks
Your morning roundup for Jan. 3, the day we learned cops don't like giving weed back. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Yep, It Looks Like A Wisconsin Assistant Coach Ate A Booger At The Rose Bowl
We think this is Wisconsin assistant coach Joe Rudolph pulling a Spaulding in the first quarter of the Rose Bowl; here it is in full forensic-quality slow-mo and zoomed-in just for your enjoyment. [ESPN]...

Your Rose Bowl And Fiesta Bowl Open Thread
Rose Bowl's right now on ESPN. Wisconsin and Oregon. That should be a fun one. Fiesta Bowl's on ESPN at 8:30. Stanford and Oklahoma State. That should be, like, a little less fun. But there's Andrew Luck and Justin Blackmon if you're one of those people who cares way too much about the NFL draft....

Your Rangers-Flyers Winter Classic Open Thread
Hockey time in Philly. Our man Barry is there, but we are here. Anyway, the Rangers are tops in the East, and the remade Flyers are two points behind them. 24/7 superstar Ilya Bryzgalov won't be starting for the Flyers, Sergei Bobrovsky will. Meanwhile, the Rangers waived their 24/7 superstar, Sean ...

Spelling Is Still A Challenge In Georgia
Inside joke? A reference to something Georgia fans would understand? Or just dumbasses who can't spell their team's diminutive? ...
