ump Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How In The Ever-Lovin' Hell Can The Knicks Be So Much Bullshit?

Oh yes, this is the good stuff. This is the pure Colombian. This is the braindead, dogshit, dick-in-the-wall-socket-type Knicks experience that's been missing for the last, uh—fuck it, the last couple months, at least. Welcome back, assholes....

The Devils Now Have Three Head Coaches And Four Players With Mumps

What in the damn hell is going on in New Jersey? Yesterday they fired head coach Pete DeBoer, and today they announced that for the foreseeable future the team will be coached by a three-headed Rock Hydra: ...

Beginning tomorrow, we will just start publishing a list of NHL players that don't have mumps. ...

NHL's Latest Suspected Mumps Case Visited Children's Hospital Last Week [Update]

The thing about mumps is that it's contagious well before you even realize you have it. Who knows what Sidney Crosby was licking and spitting on before his face swelled up like a decorative, seasonal gourd. But we know what forward Beau Bennett, the latest stricken Penguin, was up to: hanging out w...

Why The NHL Lost Control Of Its Mumps Outbreak

This is the most baffling sports medicine story of the year: Thirteen NHL players and two referees have been diagnosed with mumps—a potentially severe and exceedingly viral infection that classically causes fever, body aches, malaise, and in about half of cases, parotitis (a painful swelling of the ...

Sidney Crosby Has Mumps

Sidney Crosby's mumpy-looking face on Friday did not lie. The Penguins' captain officially has the mumps. Crosby, who sat out Friday's and Saturday's games, will miss Monday's game against the Lightning. His status will continue to be monitored....

Sidney Crosby's Face Is Messed Up And Sort Of Mumpy Looking [Update]

The Post-Gazette's Seth Rorabaugh noticed that Sidney Crosby looked a little different after today's morning skate:...

For Once, The Stench At MSG Wasn't Because Of The Knicks

Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....

Iman Shumpert Throws Down Nasty Reverse Dunk In The Greek Freak's Face

The Knicks lost 117-113 to the Bucks last night, and at one point trailed Milwaukee by 26 points. They made a little run in the fourth quarter, though, and when Iman Shumpert rinsed Giannis Antetokounmpo with this reverse jam, cutting the lead to four, it felt like the Knicks were about to win the d...

Indian Takeout

Here's a beautiful little essay by the great Jhumpa Lahiri. From Food & Wine (April, 2000):...

We Figured Out How To Shoehorn Kim Kardashian's Shiny Ass Onto Our Site

All week, we've been wondering how we could get Kim Kardashian's large, glistening ass on Deadspin. She didn't make it easy for us, did she? She could've held a football, for instance. Or she could've scheduled a mountain stage of the Tour de France along her adductors. Kim did no such thing, howeve...

Fat Ronaldo May Be Fat, But He Can Still Jump Really High

While it's perhaps a little surprising that a man can exercise, as Fat/Real Ronaldo is depicted doing in the Vine below, and maintain a gut like that, it isn't a shock to see that one of the greatest players ever still has enough hops to clear 113cm with a standing jump:...

Vikings Cornerback Has Important Questions About <em>Forrest Gump</em>

Jabari Price had some major questions about Forrest Gump last night....

The Pumpkin Dance

The true spirit of Halloween. Here's the story behind it, but you're probably better off coming up with your own explanation....

27 Pumpkin Beers, Ranked

There are two kinds of people: those who embrace Pumpkin-Spice-Everything Season for the miracle that it is, and the godless, gourdless heathens who reject it and live a bland, spiceless life. I fall into the former category, which means it's time to combine two of my favorite activities: drinking p...

Pumpkin Fest Lady, TV Reporter Wrestle Over Mic Live On Air

Independent journalist Jared Goodell covered the riots (along with other events) at this year's Pumpkin Fest in Keene, N.H., and at one point during his broadcast, festival organizer Ruth Sterling tried to cut him off in attempt to let everyone know that all was well. Witness the symbolism of BIG ...

All Pumpkin Everything: How Did Fall Turn Into Nutmeg Season?

The list of pumpkin-spiced items to which we are seasonally exposed grows longer every year: Since Starbucks opened the floodgates with the Pumpkin Spice Latte in 2003, we've been enticed, repulsed, and confused by similarly flavored vodka, bagels, yogurt, donuts, oatmeal, M&Ms, etc. And yes, this...

Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]

Behold, the worst of all the things: a Redditor putting pumpkin in his diarrhea sludge! ...

Matt Kemp Blasts Dale Scott's Strike Zone: "The Worst I've Ever Seen"

John Lackey was masterful and the L.A. bullpen couldn't hold the fort in last night's 3-1 Cardinals win, but afterward, all a number of Dodgers could talk about was home plate umpire Dale Scott. Matt Kemp went off:...

Don't Have Kids? Don't Go To The Pumpkin Patch.

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering the NFL, stoner poop stories, old-man voices, and more....