united-states Page 137 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh No The U.S. Just Lost At Rugby And I Want To Cry And Now Hate Rugby<em></em>
The best part of the Olympics is watching TV for 12 hours straight and discovering sports, athletes, and drama you barely knew existed. The worst part of the Olympics is getting sucked into the drama you barely knew existed, and subsequently having your heart broken....
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Robbed
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Colombian Heavy Metal "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Clocks In At 37 Seconds
Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t eve...
U.S. Take 1-0 Lead On Clint Dempsey Goal
Be still, my heart! The U.S. need just a draw to advance to the Copa América knockout round, and took a big step toward getting there with some astonishingly competent play from Gyasi Zardes and, with the finish, Clint Dempsey....
Colombia Take 2-0 Lead; At Least We Get The Heavy Metal Goal Call
A handball in the box set James Rodríguez up for a penalty that put Colombia up 2-0 on the U.S., and our only consolation is that we get to listen to El Cantante del Gol, Javier Fernández, call it—as heard in Colombia on Caracol TV....
The USMNT Needs To Go Young Or Die
The United States Men’s National Team will open the Copa America Centenario—a wonderfully entertaining Frankentournament that the U.S. is hosting only through sheer force of corruption—with a match against Colombia tonight in Santa Clara, Calif. Colombia is the shit. They could have taken down Brazi...
USA Beats Canada In Overtime To Claim Women's World Hockey Championship
The United States defeated Canada for the third straight time in claiming its seventh IIHF women’s world championship tonight when Alex Carpenter scored at 12:30 of the overtime period in Kamloops....
Jurgen Klinsmann Blew It
The United States Men’s National Team will probably qualify for the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Yes, they are trailing Guatemala and Trinidad and Tobago in the Group C standings. Yes, they have played conservatively without the defensive ability to make that style work. A day after the U.S. got humili...
Oh No
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USWNT Players Association Files Withering Response To U.S. Soccer Lawsuit
U.S. Soccer’s lawsuit against the U.S. Women’s National Team Players Association seeks to answer a seemingly simple question: Do the two organizations have a valid collective bargaining agreement, or not?...
U.S. Women's National Team Sued By U.S. Soccer Federation
The United States Soccer Federation sued the union representing Women’s National Team members in federal court Wednesday, an action sure to further fray the already strained bond between the two groups....
Alex DeBrincat Earns Game Misconduct For Spearing
The U.S. is currently taking on Canada at the IIHF world juniors in Finland, and the Yanks will have to play the final two periods without potential NHL first-rounder Alex DeBrincat after the Michigan native delivered his stick blade straight into Flyers prospect Travis Konecny’s gut. Go USA!...
Rugby Man Trucks, Dazes Fellow Rugby Man
Samoa once again retained its dominant form against the U.S. with a 25-16 win Sunday at the Rugby World Cup, but it wasn’t on account of the Americans coming out slow. Here’s Thretton Palamo absolutely leveling Samoa’s Rey Lee-Lo with a forearm to the face, one that left Lee-Lo dazed. (Perhaps the U...
Is This Bad? (It's Bad.)
The U.S. is losing to Peru at halftime in a friendly at RFK, which is not a good thing. This shot, though, is a worse thing. ...
CONCACAF'd
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Canadians Angry After Being Told They Smell Like Maple Syrup
In Monday’s writeup of Canada’s baseball team defeating the United States in the Pan American Games, I made some jokes at the expense of the gold-medal winners. Specifically, I said they suck and probably smell like maple syrup. Tuesday, I followed up with a recap of Canada’s gold in women’s basketb...
Canada Wins Gold In Women's Basketball But Who Cares
Canada, the moose-humping failed state to the north, won gold in women’s basketball at the Pan Am Games after beating the United States 81-73 Monday night. Whatever, hosers....