usa Page 44 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
One Of The Brewers' Racing Sausages Is Missing
Disaster in Milwaukee: Guido the Italian Sausage, pictured above to the far left, was last seen barhopping in a local suburb the weekend before last, only it's not clear who was wearing the $3,000 costume or where it went....
Lance Armstrong Still Willing To "Cooperate Fully" With Just About Any Governing Body But The USADA, Including One That Does Not Even Exist Yet
The deadline imposed by the United States Anti-Doping Agency for Lance Armstrong to "come clean under oath" and perhaps lessen his ban came and went today. Armstrong, through his attorney Tim Herman, released a statement reiterating his willingness to be "the first man through the door" to help cle...
The Young Football And Hockey Players Allegedly Disciplined For Making Harlem Shake Videos Are Getting Screwed By Alleged Adults
So, here are two news stories that illustrate the artificial (read: administrator-made) perils of being a young person who plays sports and does funny things with friends....
How To Cook Sausage And Peppers: A Guide For The Stir Crazy
This is the worst time of year....
Usain Bolt Continues To Move His Feet Incredibly Quickly, Even When He's Playing Basketball
The hijinks were fairly low-wattage on the first night of the NBA's All-Star Weekend— the Rising Stars game saw Kenneth Faried score 40 points on 18 of 22 shooting and Kyrie Irving do this to Brandon Knight, while United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan scored 11 points in the celebrity g...
The Solution To Football Withdrawal Is On Your Television This Weekend: A Guide To Rugby Sevens
For a certain brand of American sports fan, this has to be the worst weekend in sports. The NFL season is over, the NBA has hit its mid-schedule doldrums, and hockey is being played somewhere, we think....
Chris Culliver Was Asked Almost 100 Questions Today About His Anti-Gay-Teammate Comments
The past week in sports has been so gay! We've had Manti Te'o saying he's "far from" gay last Thursday; we've had Ronaiah Tuiasosopo claiming he's trying to recover from his gayness (good luck with that, champ); we've had that SI photo of the two 49ers fan-dudes making out at a gay bar; we've had an...
The Blazers And Mavericks Scored 11 Points In A Thrilling Final 30 Seconds
The Trail Blazers seem to have some magic about them this season. Knocking on the door of the playoff picture, Portland overcame a 21-point second-half deficit to pull out a last-second win over Dallas, thanks to a pair of unlikely sharpshooters. Nicolas Batum tied the game with a rushed three wit...
Lance Armstrong Lied To Oprah, Is Being Sued By People Who Bought His Book, And Refuses To Talk To The USADA
Lance Armstrong was motivated to do the Oprah Winfrey interview that made everyone hate him in part because he thought "coming clean" would be the first step toward reducing his lifetime competitive sports ban. Unfortunately, Travis Tygart, the head of the USADA and the person who could adjudicate ...
Lance Armstrong Could Snitch On Other Dopers To Get His Ban Lifted
The apology you're forced to make is rarely the most sincere. And make no mistake: Lance Armstrong's magical misery tour isn't coming from a place of penitence, but a transparent last-ditch attempt to race again. Even Armstrong's humility is selfish....
The Lance Armstrong Redemption Tour Is Hitting Some Hurdles
According to The Wall Street Journal, Justice Department officials have recommended joining Floyd Landis's federal whistleblower suit against Armstrong in which he alleges Armstrong, among others, defrauded the federal government in accepting money while engaging in "sophisticated doping ring."...
Lance Armstrong Reportedly Tried To Make A "Donation" To The USADA While He Was Being Investigated
Tonight, a new show called 60 Minutes Sports will premier on Showtime. The first episode will feature an interview with Travis Tygart of the United States Anti-Doping Agency, who will be talking about his investigation of the Lance Armstrong doping scandal....
The Bengals Really Could Break Their 8,400-Day Playoff Winless Streak Today
For a summer in college I interned for the sports department of the Columbus Dispatch, which sent me for a few days to cover Cincinnati Bengals training camp. The 1990s had just come to a close—a dismal era even by the Bengals' standards—and the beat writers killed time during practice by stumping o...
Watch The World Champion USA Junior Hockey Team Sing The Loudest And Most Off-Key Rendition Of The National Anthem Ever
We won! Though we were widely considered underdogs to the Russian and Canadian teams, the USA squad made it to the finals of the World Junior Championships in Russia and triumphed over Sweden, 3-1, to take the gold medal. Not only was it hockey—hockey still exists—it was a great American triumph, ...
Mercifully, Tony Siragusa Will Not Appear On Your Televisions This Playoff Season
Tony Siragusa's book entertained us, even though he lied in the course of promoting it. But he consistently fails to entertain us on NFL telecasts. He also consistently fails to inform us, about football or, for that matter, anything else. This sweater was the high point of his 2012. Kenny Albert an...
U.S. Border Guards Detained Mo Farah, Who Won Two Olympic Gold Medals Six Months Ago, On Suspicion Of Being A Terrorist
Mo Farah, gold-medal winner in the men's 5,000m and 10,000m this summer in London, hilarious celebrator, and world-famous meme, couldn't get through customs in Oregon over the Christmas holiday because he is of Somalian descent. That'll show him for beating us in the Olympics! (And also expose our b...
A Week After Court Filings Revealed Candace Williams's Claim That Terrell Suggs Punched Her And Dragged Her Alongside A Car, They Got Married
One week to the day. On Dec. 7, The Baltimore Sun obtained court documents filed by Candace Williams alleging that Terrell Suggs had "punched her in the neck and drove a car containing their two children at a 'high rate of speed' while she was being dragged alongside"; on Dec. 14—yesterday, three da...
Court Orders Terrell Suggs To Turn Over All Seven Of His Guns After He Allegedly Punched His Girlfriend And Dragged Her Alongside A Car
A court filing by Terrell Suggs's girlfriend Candace Williams made last month was unsealed yesterday, and the Baltimore Sun has some details:...
Hey, Here's An Allegation That Lance Armstrong Bribed Opponents To Let Him Win Races
This is a pretty damning allegation against Armstrong, one that got lost earlier this week in all the hoopla over a damning USADA report and his being declared sponsora non grata. You might even be tempted to wonder if it's just piling on, at a time when it's cool to bash Armstrong. But the actual c...
Excerpts From The Recent USADA Report That Make Lance Armstrong Look Like An Asshole
On Wednesday, the United States Anti-Doping Agency released hundreds of pages of allegations against Lance Armstrong purporting to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Armstrong not only doped, but organized a doping ring. The question of whether or not Lance Armstrong used PEDs is basically settle...