usc Page 36 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bus Cook Has Not Heard Anything About Roger Goodell's Ruling On Brett Favre's Penis
We just spoke with Mr. Cook on his cellular device. Q: Anything on Goodell's ruling? A: (Molasses-and-toothpicks drawl) "Nuthin'. And I really don't think I need to be talkin' to you nee-thur." Fair enough....
The Dougie Is Dead, And Drew Stanton Killed It
After a long illness, The Dougie passed away at 1:40 yesterday afternoon. Drew Stanton was by its side. In lieu of flowers, please send ideas for a new novelty dance....
Blood Flows Red In The Rose Bowl Parking Lot
A melee in the Rose Bowl parking lot before yesterday's USC/UCLA game left two men hospitalized with stab wounds. Like most of the world's blood-soaked battles, it began when a football from a tailgate "accidentally hit a black Mercedes-Benz."...
Steve Johnson's Dropped Pass Has Caused Him To Seriously Rethink His Devotion To A Higher Power
The usually sure-handed wide out comes to the realization that, no matter how hard he prays, there are powerful forces working against the Buffalo Bills. Nobody circles the wagons like Almighty God. [Twitter]...
Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Having spent 16 months as a South Carolinian, I might could think USC/Clemson is the best rivalry going. I done seen how severely people turn on people who support the other side, and I revel in its peak-level sadism....
Ryan Zimmerman's Wedding Dance Should Be The Next Dougie
The Nationals' non-Strasburg franchise player attended the wedding of a high school teammate over the weekend, and it was was of those "wacky" ceremonies where the wedding party has choreographed entrances. Zim didn't let them down....
NASCAR Was Entertaining, Bizarre Last Night
Fistfights on the track, drivers flipping officials off, flying car parts crashing into skyboxes, and monkeys. Not just another night at Texas Motor Speedway. Monkeys!...
Why Is Shaq Acting Like A Statue In Boston?
The Big Aristotle headed out to Harvard Square today and...stood still. For some reason. He announced his plans on Twitter, of course, and crowds soon engulfed the struggling actor and sometime law enforcement official....
An Examination Of Obnoxious Yankees Fandom In Three Parts
It's easy to say that Yankees fans are boorish and uncouth, but so are most teams' fans. However, nobody does boorish and uncouth on national TV like Yankees fans....
Everything That's Wrong With College Tailgates In One Picture
This picture, snapped sometime before Saturday's Ohio State-Wisconsin game, is so, so bad, it has to be a joke. Right?...
Here's Video Of A Goalkeeper Scoring A Game-Tying Goal In Stoppage Time
Fundamentally, the goal William Hesmer scored in yesterday's Columbus Crew/Toronto FC match wasn't anything special. What was special is that the Crew's keeper registered only the second goalie-goal in MLS history. Also, there were playoff ramifications ......
Stereotypical Laxer Is Not At All Stereotypical, Says Stereotypically Annoying <em>New York Times</em> Story
Yesterday's NYT slobjob of professional laxer Paul Rabil argues that he represents "a different way to think about lacrosse players." He's a big shaggy-haired white dude who went to an all-boys Catholic school in Maryland. Wow, what a brogue....
Danny Woodhead: Not Particularly Small, Just White
Last night, as was to be expected, Jon Gruden and the rest of the Monday Night Football gang talked about fun-sized pigment curio Danny Woodhead with the sort of insight and gravitas one finds on the cover of Bop Magazine....
Field Trip: Simmons And Gladwell At The New Yorker Festival, Falling In And Out Of Love
Ever wondered how the chummy love-fest email exchanges between Malcolm Gladwell and Bill Simmons translate when the two meet face-to-face? Well, it's kind of like when a "certain kind of person" meets another "certain kind of person." I'll explain....
The World's Longest Basketball Shot...For Now
At least according to the YouTube Descriptions Book Of World Records. But still, that looks pretty far. Never change, bros with too much time on your hands....
Meet Your New Undersized, Scraptastic, Very White New England Sports Cult Hero: Danny Woodhead
Danny Woodhead, the Jets castoff and Rex Ryan-anointed "little fucker," made his Patriots debut yesterday and is already being touted as the economy-sized Wes Welker. Chief among these proponents is Dan Shaughnessy. Of course. Let's look at the best of the worst....
Look At The Fucking End Of This Trend: Sayonara, Hoopsters
The Hoopsters brought us a lot of enjoyment over the last two months. However, now that summer's over and the New York Times is writing about them—and quoting me—it's time to say goodbye....
Tuneful, Preppy Version Of "Bitches Ain't Shit" Suggests Bitches May Be Shit, After All
Oh, there's nothing quite like a post-ironic a cappella version of a white man's very ironic cover of a Dr. Dre song done by a group of spunky young tarts....
Look At This Fucking Hoopster: "Kelly Tripucka" Hangs Out With San Antonio Spurs, Is Lead Singer Of Arcade Fire
An occasional feature in which we spotlight the ridiculous trend of recontextualized basketball jerseys. Today: everyone's favorite Polish-American Knicks color commentator Kelly Tripucka....
Look At This Fucking Hoopster: "Shaquille O'Neal" Makes Out With Some Guy At A Party
An occasional feature in which we spotlight the ridiculous trend of recontextualized basketball jerseys. Today: The Diesel, Shaquille O'Neal....