usta Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Teenage Football Players: This Woman Will "Catch You" And "Have Sex With You"
"Police say [Venus]Lewis, who appeared to be drunk, then walked to a set of picnic tables, pulled down her pants, and inserted a tampon before beginning to masturbate in front of the children." [Zimbio]...
I'm Sure He Has The Same Heidi Watney Airbrush On The Side Of His Van
Well, maybe it's her uncle. A very proud, very creepy uncle. There's a chance of that, right? [Busted Coverage]...
Colt McCoy Sheds His Third Eyebrow
The grizzly folks at the AMI are none too tickled about the Texas quarterback's fumble, comparing it to a Greek tragedy. Imagine if Tim Tebow, in his corn-fed handsomeness, shaved a mustache. I have. It's called the apocalypse. [AMI]...
At Last, A Carl Monday Video That Will Never Be Rubbed Out
For too long, the video of wanking correspondent Carl Monday's investigation into the activities of Mike Cooper's right hand has been subject to the whims of copyright enforcement. No longer. Here it is, brand spanking new, archived for all eternity....
Prop 8 Never Saw This Coming: Woman Marries A Carnival Ride
This woman loves this amusement park ride. No, she really loves it. Enough to let "him" put a ring on it. Let's go down the rabbit hole with this most tenuous of sports angles....
Finding Mustachioed Men In St. Louis Will Win You All-Star Game Tickets
The All-Star Game is rife with "bare-faced mortals," so the American Mustache Institute — bless their whiskers — is sponsoring a so-called Stache Dash. Find playing cards of mustachioed legends, win bleacher seats. No facial hair necessary. [AMI]...
This Guy Has Nothing On Clay Zavada
The world's most moustachioed flocked to Anchorage this weekend for the World Beard and Moustache Championship. Unfortunately, the winners forever will have asterisks next to their busts in Alaska, as Clay Zavada was in Oakland, whisker-twinged NHL players are busy and Sarah Palin couldn't make it. ...
A NYC Subway Jacker Was Nabbed (Update)
Could 41-year-old Daniel Corrian be the man who rubbed against that poor girl on the D train? Either that, or there is a subway masturbation epidemic gripping the city. (Update: Not him!) [NYDN]...
Sportswriting Declared Dead. Again.
Next month's Texas Monthly has a story about the death of sportswriting. It's official: Writing about the death of sportswriting is finally dead....
Saints Players Just Want To Hang Out With Their Wangs Out
New Orleans is certainly a wild and wacky place, but that doesn't mean you can go around waving your junk at women in public willy-nilly, even if you're a member of the New Orleans Saints....
Rick Ankiel Is The Latest American Mustache Hero
According to the American Mustache Institution, Ankiel's "labia secula" (Latin for "lip sweater", apparently) is responsible for his increased production at the plate. [AMI]...
Everybody Wants Greg Paulus
The Packers invited the former Dukie for a workout, now the University of Michigan is also interested in acquiring the services of the one-time Christian Brothers Academy quarterback.. Also, he's apparently a football God....
Nothing Says Quality Like John Daly Merchandise Purchased From A Bus
John Daly may not be allowed to play in The Masters, but that doesn't mean he can't still profit. May he interest you in some slacks?...
Cito Gaston Would Like To Get A Few Things Off Of His Chest
Unlike many others hiding behind anonymity, Blue Jays manager Cito Gaston will come right out and say how he really feels about Roger Clemens. Get your pens ready, scribes, and print this: "He's an asshole."...
Mascot Mustache Fight Caught On Video
Apparently, some footage survived the Big Blue/Pistol Pete fire fight. The horror ... the horror. [OnlineSportsGuys + ESPN]...
Alabama Fan Waxes Eloquent On Life, Tennessee, and Saban
This is what it has come to: an erudite Alabama fan self-nicknamed "Cowboy" is Phil Fulmer's greatest defender. And Cowboy thinks that Nick Saban might be watching his analysis. Which, given that Saban is all-knowing and all-powerful, He probably is. Find a better mustache than this, I dare you. ...
Sarah Palin Booed At Flyers Game, Did Not Take Battery To The Face
The GOP's vice presidential nominee was in the hizzy for the Flyers' opener last night. The chorus of boos that began as soon as she was seen were blasted out by some loud music and (some have said) artificial crowd noise. Palin walked onto the ice before the start of the game to help drop the cerem...
Peyton Manning Finds One More Thing To Endorse
You'd think Peyton Manning would be happy with his Super Bowl ring, numerous lavish endorsement deals, and the adulation of Hindi children everywhere. Not so. Now he wants to win a gold medal, and has prepared a pitch for the unwashed masses. We're unwashed because he's never endorsed soap, you see....
Inglorious Bastardization
The Sports Illustrated cover line writers are big fans of glorious returns, obviously. But what makes these particular returns that much more glorious than others? This is the question posed by Deadspin reader Chris Corley, who asks who will be the next Return To Glory....