w Page 4820 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

To Watch Tonight...
• NASCAR: Nextel Cup, Chevy Rock & Roll 400. When is the Gangsta Rap 400? 7:30, TNT. • Tennis: US Open, Women's Final. Maria Sharapova vs. Justine Henin-Hardenne. 8:00, CBS. • MLS Soccer: Real Salt Lake @ DC United. Salt Lake's been known to start a sissy slap fight when things don't go their way. 7...

Week In Deadspin: Bronzed Leather
• Presenting the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame. • You know, Dave Thomas used to do this all the time. • Bert Blyleven is f—-ing up that f—-ing thing. • Who will Bill Simmons put on notice? • Goodbye, croc hunter man. • Heath Shuler could actually be a winner. • This is how you comme...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you remain stunned that they don't sell booze inside Rutgers Stadium ... • Basketball: Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, at Springfield, Mass. (May be joined in progress if "Stump The Schwab" runs long). [ESPN Classic] • College football: Pittsburgh at Cincinnati. It's in Ohio, so wh...

An Odd Way To Get Your Coach Off Your Back
Because we're just the kind of sniggering, obnoxious, wisenheimer 14-year-olds you think we are, we thought we'd giggle a bit this morning at Steelers lineback Joey Porter, who is in serious danger of becoming a staple around these parts....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while celebrating ESPN's birthday. • College football: Oregon State at Boise State. The road trip which features the signage: "Last gas for 677 miles." [ESPN] • MLB: Detroit at Minnesota. Could this be the series that the Tigers relinquish the AL Central? Um, no. [ESPN2] • NFL: Miami a...

NFL Pants Party: NFC West
It's our division, the one our Buzzsaw was shipped to so they didn't have to travel to New Jersey, Texas and Pennsylvania every year. And we've (obviously) never won it. Someday ......

NFL Season Preview: Dallas Cowboys
We are officially at the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting their faces for thei...

NFL Pants Party: NFC East
People are saying that this division is so stacked that it's a pity someone has to finish last. We say think it's a pity someone has to finish first....

Party Crash: Our Birthday Bash
As you might have noticed — mainly because we kind of haven't shut up about it, much to our own detriment — our beloved little site turned one year old yesterday. When we personally turned one year old in 1976, we celebrated by drinking in extreme excess, so we thought we'd do the same thing last ni...

A Lesson In Self Preservation On The Mean Streets
Ever wonder what you would do if you had only an umbrella, and was attacked by someone wielding a long pole? What about using your walking stick to defend yourslef against a mob? (Matt Millen please take note). Thank God we've stumbled on the answer before you've gotten yourself into real trouble....

NFL Pants Party: NFC South
Well, no matter what happens with the NFC South, we will always know they have the most adventurous cheerleaders. Nothing to turn up one's nose at....

NFL Season Preview: Baltimore Ravens
We are officially at the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting their faces for their ...

Shuler Dangerously Close To Returning To Washington
So remember how former Redskins "quarterback" Heath Shuler is running for Congress? Well, it turns out, he actually is making serious gains in the polls, to the point that he's one of Democrats' key hopefuls for their attempt to take over the House of Representatives in the November elections....

NFL Pants Party: NFC North
We do the riverdance, a manly dance, through the NFC North, land of paternity suits, custody issues, nude assistant coaches, Brett Favre and, of course, sex boats....

A Little Fired Up Down In The Red Zone
Forget the exploits of Peyton Manning and Ben Rothelisberger. Years from now, when you're balancing your great grandchildren on your knee, you can tell them that you were there on the day that Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen was arrested for driving in the nude. "But was he totally nude, gr...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while thinking maybe it's time to give Isringhausen a little break ... • MLB: Chicago White Sox at Boston. Somehow, they've managed to arrange different results for each respective network. [ESPN] [WGN] • Tennis: U.S. Open, at New York. We think we saw George Costanza on TV with his fa...

NFL Pants Party: AFC West
This is the AFC West. This is not like the AFC North. You might have noticed this earlier. This is where they play in different time zones than the one in which we live. Whew. All irrefutable facts....

NFL Season Previews: Jacksonville Jaguars
We are officially one day before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting their face...

"Justify The Size Of Your Head, Sir"
We were particularly amused this afternoon by this clever piece on McSweeney's, otherwise known as "the Web site for those who don't actually have time to finish anything but can still call themselves a writer by getting a sestina about 'Survivor' published." (We kid McSweeney's; we love McSweeney's...