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Book Excerpt: Tommy Lasorda Knows What He Likes ... Sweet Heavens, Does He Ever
SportsByBrooks has grabbed a hold of some of those excerpts from that madam book involving Tommy Lasorda and ... uh ... holy crap....

A Sad, Base, Disgusting Poll, And We, Frankly, Are Ashamed Of You
We continue to feel bad for attractive female sideline reporters. They work hard, they travel like crazy, they put in the hours ... and no matter what they do, all they ever receive for their efforts is "ooh, boobies!" It has to be frustrating, and we do our best to rise above it around here....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you are beaten savagely by your Verizon network ... • College men's basketball: Michigan State at Michigan; Florida at Tennessee. As long as all the coaches remain clothed, everything's gonna be juuust fine ... [ESPN] • NHL: Dallas at Tampa Bay. Stars vs. Lightning would be bette...

Athletes Use Internet Enough To Figure Out How To Buy Steroids, Anyway
You know that amazing catch Gary Matthews Jr. made last year, the one that inexplicably earned him a ridiculous contract in the offseason? Done through 'roids!...

The Soundtrack To Ashley Judd's Next Movie
Because nothing's more fun than a good embarrassing fan-made video, here's something's that's becoming a yearly tradition: A completely humiliating Kentucky "rap" video....

Luis Castillo Is Protective Of His Anus
Last week, Twins second baseman Luis Castillo was scheduled to receive his yearly physical from team doctors. But he kept wanting to delay it, much to the confusion of team officials. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire helpfully explained....

Baseball Season Preview: Baltimore Orioles
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....

Tommy Lasorda Wants You To Know He Doesn't Pay For Sex
There's disturbing, there's terrifying, there's soul-destroying ... and then there's learning that Tommy Lasorda is mentioned in a new book as a frequent customer of a call-girl service....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while roasting AJ Daulerio. (More on this tomorrow.) ... • College basketball: Georgetown at Syracuse; Kansas at Oklahoma. Fun and laughs as your four-year-old points at Boeheim and yells "I found Waldo!" [ESPN] • College women's basketball: Connecticut at Rutgers. Pretty, smart, and c...

Aei! It's The Gyroball! Run For Your Lives!
What is the gyroball? New pitch from outer space? Nothing but the Japanese version of a slider? A type of hamster wheel that runs our servers? A pitch that's contractually obligated to be the subject of an in-depth piece on every major sports Web site? The answers are shrouded in mystery. But Texas ...

Baseball Season Preview: San Diego Padres
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....

Rulon Gardner Is Indestructible
You might remember Rulon Gardner, the Wyoming-born wrestler who came from nowhere and won a Gold Medal in the 2000 Olympics. Since then, he has made his living as a motivational speaker, which is probably why God keeps trying to kill him....

Excuse Me While I Kiss The Rim
That's what Michael Jordan helped to rob you of during the NBA's Slam Dunk contest. It's nice to see it on YouTube, but it would have been far nicer to see it in primetime on TNT, in place of Nate Robinson missing dunks for two straight minutes....

To Watch Tonight...
• NBA. Sacramento Kings @ Indiana Pacers. There might even be a few guys left in Indiana who Ron Artest will recognize. 8:00, ESPN. • The 79th Annual Academy Awards. Best Supporting Actor: Sean Salisbury, Benchwarmers. 8:30, ABC. • Drag Racing. NHRA Checker Schuck's Kragen Nationals, Final Eliminati...

Sure, Coach, I'll Take Some
University of Central Florida basketball head coach has some to give, and he doesn't quite know who to share it with. So he asks. And then, oh, does he give it out....

Ohio State Helps Billy Packer Celebrate His Birthday
The Buckeyes just downed the Badgers 49-48 after Ron Lewis rejected a last second 12-foot attempt by Wisconsin. This was immediately followed by the fans of the #1 team in the country rushing the court....

Craig Gower Also Has Time For Rugby
The Australian sporting landscape seems to have a different breed of derelicts than our own. When our athletes misbehave, someone ends up getting shot in a Vegas strip club. When Australian athletes misbehave, they walk naked around a resort and proposition the daughter of a sporting legend....

The First Rule Of The Super Bowl Is, You Do Not Talk About The Super Bowl... Or The Big Game
The NFL, of course, has the term "Super Bowl" trademarked, so you can't use those particular words to promote any kind of a party or gathering for the event. Not only is it illegal, but if you close your eyes and say "Super Bowl" three times, Ed Hochuli will appear in front of you and rip your godda...

Smoot Isn't The Only One Who Misbehaves On Boats
Gerald Swindle is known as the G-Man, and he likes rock 'n roll music (I'm guessing from his website) and catchin' fish. That's him crying in the picture. He's crying because he's a huge dick....

To Watch Tonight...
• NASCAR. Busch Series. Stater Brothers 300. Or, as they say in NASCAR... three-hunderrd. 7:30, ESPN2. • College Hockey. Clarkson @ Quinnipiac. Do all hockey games have huge brawls like that one the other night? If they do, I might watch this. 8:00, ESPNU. • Indiana @ Michigan State. I think all the...