w Page 5168 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Marco Materazzi Is Not The Worst Guy In Italian Soccer
The gigantic Italian soccer scandal has finally reached a resolution, with the Italian Football Federsation's prosecutor ruling that three clubs, Juventus, Fiorentina, and Lazio, will be demoted from Italian Serie A to Serie B. And another team, AC Milan, will be starting next season with a fiftee...

"One Shining Moment," It Is Not
Let's see... How do I go about explaning this to you. I, um... well... it's a song, that comes courtesy of Kentucky Sports Radio. It's a song written by the man pictured to your right, and... well, if you tried to imagine a song written and performed by that guy pictured to your right, it would so...

To Watch Tonight...
• IndyCar Racing. Firestone Indy 200. I believe Danica's in the luteal phase, so she'll probably finish around 10th. 9:00, ESPN. • Softball. China vs. United States. Might be fun, if you like the mercy rule. 8:00, ESPN2. • Movie. Goodfellas. Is this the superintendent? Yes, sir, I would like you to ...

It Just Keeps Giving
I'm afraid I gave you only part of the story with the earlier Mike Cooper post. Carl Monday has gotten himself involved again, and where there's Carl Monday, there's more story....

Mike Cooper Avoids Jail Time; Prison Showers
The sentence has come down, once again, courtesy of our man Jimbo. Mike Cooper, he of library-masturbating fame, was found guilty, and was fined $150 plus court costs. That's it. Bail was $500,000, and the fine is $150. All is well that ends well, I suppose. Who among us hasn't paid $150 for an or...

Week In Deadspin: Sexagenarians, Headbutts And Bears, Oh My!
• Get this folks: Danica Patrick needs to occasionally use a tampon! No way! • MIke Cooper is sentenced and Deadspin is THERE! • Sigh. Another Rocky movie. • Hey, rugby players have to pee too! • Rick Chandler is having tons of fun in Tahoe. • Zinedine Zidane had a somewhat busy week. • It's your ...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while building a Lionel Richie head... • Boxing: Featherweights, Jason Litzau vs. Marcos Ramirez, at Rincon, Calif. We are so there. On TV, we mean. [ESPN2] • MLB: Atlanta at San Diego. Time for Padres to make their move. (Is anyone buying it?). [TBS] • Softball: World Cup, USA vs. Can...

The Mike Cooper Sentencing ... You Are There!
Well, the Mike Cooper sentencing is over, and our man Jimbo was, indeed, there. We're still not sure precisely what Cooper's sentence was — Jimbo didn't make it that far into the proceedings — but he was there, and he even captured Cooper and his parents on his camera phone ... kind of....

Cultural Oddsmaker: Death Becomes Them
A.J. Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Send him all kinds of fan mail....

"I'm The Hoff" In Milwaukee
The recent surge in baseball stadiums encouraging fans to send text messages to show on the scoreboard is an encouraging one; we've heard rumors of a "You're With Me, Leather" at Busch Stadium, though no screenshot exists yet, and we haven't hit the zenith of a "Get Away From Me, Carl Monday" at Jac...

Do Not Date Flozell Adams, Girls
A Web site we hadn't heard of before called Don't Date Him, Girl purports to list the names and descriptions of guys that girls should, you know, not date, girl. Web sites like this make us nervous, so after we searched for our own name and the names of almost all our friends, we were pointed to t...

Reds Fans Not Handling Kearns Trade Well
The first big trade of the baseball season went down yesterday, and, to just from the popular reaction, you'd think the Washington Nationals were in wild-card contention and the Cincinnati Reds were selling off. The Reds traded Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez, two of their best young hitters, for a...

It's Judgment Day For Mike Cooper
Today, friends, could be the final chapter in The Most Amazing Story Of Our Time: Mike Cooper himself is due to be sentenced today, at 1:30 p.m. ET, in Berea Municipal Court....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch to celebrate your acceptance to sushi chef school ... • MLB: Oakland at Boston. Welcome back, you big chemically-enhanced lugs. We've missed you. [ESPN2] • Softball: World Cup, USA vs. Britain, at Oklahoma. Finally, an international sport we can dominate. [ESPN] • Golf: Nationwide Tour...

Run, You Stupid Linebacker, RUN!
Just to be clear on this, if some guy stabbed us, in a bowling alley or elsewhere, we would never stop crying. We're a bleeder. We would wail and scream and whine and plead and any other verb that connotes sniveling wimpdom....

Hey, Let's Do It Here Next Time
Are you ready to have the World Cup in the United States in four years? It could happen....

Second Half Preview: American League
OK, before we start: Seriously, this is just the worst sports day of the year. Do you realize we did a post below on bowling? Can we please get back to the games tomorrow? What? No afternoon games? Man!...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as as Ahmad Rashad takes his own sweet time at the Harrah's Tahoe ATM machine ... • Boxing: Light welterweights, Michael Katsidis vs. Rolando Reyes, at Hollywood, Calif. [ESPN] • Minor League Baseball: AAA All-Star Game, at Toledo, Ohio. As some players may be headed to the Royals, don...

The Winner Of The World Cup Pool Speaks
When we launched the Deadspin Pants Party World Cup Pick 'Em Game back in June, we promised a free post for the winner. It turned out it was Alan Fortunate, with his "Enrico Pilazo" entry, scoring 99 points, just edging out E. Shepard's "Snitches Get Stitches" entry. Fortunate actually ended up sixt...

Bowling's Watergate Has Nation On Edge
We've become accustomed to cheating in baseball and soccer; but when the purity of bowling is questioned, is there any hope for mankind? Dear God, it must be a mistake. Not bowling! Our story so far: Robert Mushtare, 17, of Carthage, N.Y., recently rolled two perfect 900 series and 12 perfect game...