w Page 5241 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jake Plummer Is Obsessed With Tiny Blue Balls
It's Sunday, and the following quarterbacks are starting for NFL teams this week: Kerry Collins, Cleo Lemon, Kyle Boller, and Brian Griese. With Timmy Chang probably a Tim Rattay elbow injury away from getting a phone call, some fans are probably amazed that they could use the services Jake Plummer ...
Patriots. Red Sox. Boston College. You just can't stop ANY of them. As if Massachusetts sports fans didn't have enough to tout, New England Revolution midfielder Michael Parkhurst scored his first career goal ... from midfield. Here's video proof that Jesus is simply engrossed in a month-long chowde...
Put That Remote Down Right Now, Or So Help Me
Non Football TV 12 noon — Women's Volleyball: Ohio State at Wisconsin [ESPN2] 12 noon — F1 Racing: Brazilian Grand Prix [Speed] 12 noon — Movie: Monsters, Inc. [Disney] 1:00 p.m. — PBA Bowling: Dydo Japan Cup [ESPN] 1:30 p.m. — Nextel Cup: Subway 500, Martinsville, Virginia [ABC] 3:00 p.m. — AST Dew...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while coming to grips with a gay Dumbledore... • 8 p.m. — MLB: ALCS, Game 6: Cleveland Indians at Boston Red Sox. Curt Schilling was last seen asking Harvey Firestein for a Josh Beckett mask. [FOX] • 8 p.m. — College football: Michigan at Illinois. Maybe if the Illini weren't always fi...
Steinbrenner and Isiah Share A Secret Gay Lover (Allegedly)
I was about to go on this long rant about how ESPN keeps discussing the New York Yankees throughout the ALCS, but as soon as I saw the latest Jonathan Lee Riches lawsuit on The Smoking Gun, I quickly retracted my sentiments. Riches, who you may remember from such frivolous lawsuits as "Bill Belichic...
Memorial Stadium, Under The Lights
• Wait. You do it with Derek Jeter and some other lady, and you expect free parking too? Sheesh. • This is not the best way to intimidate Josh Beckett. • The Rockies are in the World Series. • See ya, Torre. • Mr. Lloyd, Mr. Aikman is on line two. • Bill Simmons, mo-capped. • Those diligent beat rep...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you've stepped up the volleyball rivalry a bit ... • College football: Louisville at Connecticut. The cardinal is the most fierce of all the tiny, small-beaked birds. [ESPN] • Golf: Champions Tour, AT&T Championship, first round, San Antonio. This time I shall find a way to beat ...
Isiah Thomas Remains A Genius
This is a few days old, but we can't let it pass unremarked. It appears Isiah Thomas has the same firm grasp of his roster as he always has....
ESPN: We Don't Want No Trouble
ESPN's new comment section, ESPN Conversation, has been an endless source of entertainment for us, and you as well, we suspect. Specifically the Featured Comment on their home page, which is possibly the blandest thing on the planet. In fact, I doubt that ESPN commenters are even human: Their commen...
Live Blogging The Torre Press Conference
In a perfect, imaginary universe, Joe Torre would just go off today. His press conference, which is starting any minute now, will most likely feature Torre looking bemused and tired, giving "his side" of the story....
Two Pair Not A Winning Hand In Kansas
Oh yes we've got trouble! Right here in Salina Kansas! With a capital T and that rhymes with B and that stands for boobs! Here are Salina Central High seniors Jessica Sheahon and Haley Wenthe, modeling salacious T-shirt designs which have been banned from their high school campus. The entire notion ...
Jerry Jones Can't Figure Out This Damn Spacebar
Via Touchdown.org comes one of the more amusing attempts by a professional sports franchise to master the series of tubes that is the Internets....
Bill Belichick Is Now Watching YOU
We hope you didn't buy any Patriots tickets through StubHub last year. Because if you did, the New England Patriots now have all your information....
Joe Torre, The Way It Was Always Gonna Be
Some might say the Joe Torre business in Tampa involving the Yankees yesterday is a sign of organizational chaos, but, frankly, this seems like the way it probably had to go down all along. (Some even saw it coming.)...
About Last Night
What you missed while fumigating your nuts ... • MLB: Despite Manny calling time out when his team didn't have any left, Red Sox stay alive in ALCS. • College football: You've got some red on you ... Rutgers 30, South Florida 27. • Soccer: David Beckham upstaged by the offensive stylings of Jozy Alt...
This Ain't Over
Don't be confused everyone, it's me, Unsilent Majority. I'm filling in tonight because Will was delayed in his travels or he just doesn't love you anymore...the text message wasn't entirely clear on that matter....