w Page 5333 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Year In Review: January
You might remember, toward the end of last year, when we reviewed each month of the past year leading up to New Years Day. We called it, imaginatively, "Year In Review." Well, we're gonna do that again, starting today, with the fine month of January. We're digging through our archives pretty well, b...
New Defense Secretary A Closet Online Football Chatterer
Robert Gates, as those of you who lower yourselves to pay attention to the world outside of sports might know, was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as the new Secretary of Defense, replacing Donald Rumsfeld, the Marty Mornhinweg of foreign policy. Gates was most recently president of Texas A&M Universit...
It's Sleepy Football Night In America
We try to recap each weeknight game the morning after around here, because weekday games are rare and often are the talk of the "water cooler" around "the office" with one's "co-workers." Unfortunately, last night's Steelers-Browns tilt was, well, a completely shellacking that was over early and in ...
Well, It's Not That Big A Deal If You Miss This One
This, it's safe to say, is not one of those night when we're banging our head against the wall for not having the NFL Network. (We're far more concerned about missing the Rutgers bowl game.) The Steelers and the Browns, two teams long since removed from the playoff picture, go head to head tonight, ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Wile E. Coyote just gives up and spends the day in bed ... • College football: College Football Awards Show, at Orlando. Unless this is hosted by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, we are unlikely to tune in. [ESPN] • College men's basketball: Alabama at Notre Dame. Feel The Catholicism....
Surely, Spike Could Use This Guy For Something, Right?
In another chapter of our ongoing series Why Google Is Full Of Geniuses, we present this "Week 11 roundup" from the NFL, featuring a 30-year-old man who appears to, uh, really like Kentucky basketball. He has a unique cadence for broadcasting, we think; there's a future there. Hey, Van Pelt: You rea...
Anonymous Web People Claim There's A Gay Net
Today in Unsubstantiated Web Rumors That We Merely Link To Rather Than Report Ourselves In Order To Give Us Some Sort Of Half-Assed Way Out In Case The Story Turns Out To Be Complete Bullshit, Which Seems More Than A Little Likely, But Hey It's Still Fun And Will Make For Some Pretty Amusing Comment...
Sadly, She Was Only On Level One
What happens when you cross Million Dollar Baby with The Miracle Worker? You get this; which we suppose is video boxing, but could also be a clearcut case of demonic possession. We blame two things for these deeply troubling images: The new wireless Wii remote, and Title IX. Clearly there are flaws ...
Buy Dontrelle Willis Some Dishware
We don't want to be known as some kind of Negative Nellie in the world of sports; we like sunshine and rainbows and all kinds of pretty things that might or might not have tails. We support nice happy stories, like anything involving the Marlins' Dontrelle Willis, whom could very well be the most ...
Does This Mean No Halftime Show?
And suddenly, "Malice at the Palace" seems so childishly innocent. Several police officers and fans were injured Wednesday during a huge brawl at a Serbian professional basketball game, as rival fans went at it before tipoff. The Serbs; they know how to party....
Keeping The Rug In Place While Underwater
Just to continue our early-morning motif of embarassing photos of coaches and managers, we present this photo of Kansas coach Bill Self, splashing around with his troops in Hawaii before the tournament last week....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a hard day of dodging cricket balls ... • College men's basketball: Holy Cross at Duke; Memphis at Tennessee. Cameron Crazies claim that therapy has now made them sane, productive members of society. May one of them show you to your seat? [ESPN2] • NBA: Philadelphia at Chicago. M...
ESPN Wants Your Gritty Slices Of Urban Life
So, let's see: We have ESPN The Weekend, ESPN The Restaurant, ESPN The Radio Station, ESPN The Magazine, ESPN The Cellphone Provider, ESPN The Video Game Content Survivor and, inevitably, ESPN The Bi-Curious Brothel. What's next? Well, how about ESPN The Film Festival!...
Saints' Wheezer Nailed For Inhaler Doping
The poor soul unfortunate enough to have been caught in the extreme closeup lens of a Getty Images photographer last week, seen here, is New Orleans Saints defensive tackle Hollis Thomas, who yesterday was suspended for four games by the NFL for violating its steroid policy....
Tom Brady Sorts Out The BCS Confusion
Well it's Wednesday, and surely by now Michigan fans are over the sting of not being voted into the BCS title game opposite Ohio State. We imagine that Rose Bowl Fever is gripping the state of Michigan. Right? Hello? (taps computer monitor)....
Imagine How Mad She Would Have Been If It Were Hot Outside
We know this isn't necessarily a sports story, but it does take place in St. Louis, and it does involve beer, so we're just gonna run with it....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the cops cite your frat house for too little noise (sad, really) ... • College men's basketball: Jimmy V Classic, at New York: Oklahoma State vs. Syracuse; Louisville vs. Arizona. We always like to lead up to the Jimmy V Classic by re-reading the book Personal Fouls. [ESPN] • NHL: C...
Eddie Griffin's Criminal Climax
Because we are nothing if not thorough, digging down so deep into a story that we can't imagine how to get out, doggedly pursuing every subplot until the thread is bare, we return you today to the story of Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin. As you might remember, Mr. Griffin was arrested for crashi...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while pimping out your sofa ... • College men's basketball: Southern California at Kansas. It's the only thing happening in Kansas tonight. [ESPN2] • NFL: Carolina at Philadelphia. Jeff Garcia or A.J. Feely? (That sound you heard was assistants pulling Andy Reid's head out of the oven....
Watch Your Beer Around Carl Lewis
The first time we ever remember hearing about steroids, as far as we can recollect, was Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson, a guilty finding made all the more hilarious because he's Canadian. (Kind of.) Well, over the weekend, Johnson revealed that he has finally, 18 years later, figured out who famously...