war Page 137 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Warriors Didn't Even Need Their Stars To Wallop The Cavs
Here’s how thorough the whooping the Warriors bench put on the Cavaliers in tonight’s 104-89 beatdown was: Shaun Livingston got a curtain call; the Cavs’ best highlight was a nutshot; Brandon Rush and Timofey Mozgov played; Golden State’s bench outscored Cleveland’s 45-5 before a brief garbage time ...
Matthew Dellavedova Thumps Andre Iguodala In The Dick And Balls
Earlier today, we had Matthew Dellavedova atop our rankings of the most hateable players in the NBA Finals, and he lived up to his billing in short order, striking the first blow against an opponent’s dick and balls. The victim? Andre Iguodala....
Donald Trump Doesn't Know Shit About The Bay Area
Vulgar olive loaf Donald Trump is hitting the campaign trail in California in advance of the state’s June 7 primary. A good way to appeal to your constituents is to show that you’re “one of them” by feigning nominal interest in their sports teams. If you do this, though, you should have a working se...
Whatever Happens, Anderson Varejão Is Going To Be A Dude With A Championship Ring
The Warriors are a ruthlessly efficient team run by a fiery, undersized center who will take out his anger on your dick and balls and a teeny-tiny point guard who carries himself with a non-insistent swagger, and they’re owned by a techno-libertarian pug who named his dogs after Ayn Rand characters....
An Extremely Helpful NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Morons
Hello, casual basketball viewer! The NBA Finals begin tonight, pitting LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers against Ayn Rand’s Golden State Warriors in a rematch of last season’s Finals, which the Warriors won in six games. Here’s what to expect, what to look for, and what to pretend to know about eac...
Here Comes The End Of Ryan Howard
To be fair, there isn’t really much left of Ryan Howard for us to lose. The guy who once socked 58 dingers in a single season and swung his bat like it was a piece of artillery has been gone for a while now. What’s remained is a husk earning $25 million to strike out a lot. Now, that poor sap is bei...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2016 NBA Finals
A few years ago, when my children were very small, I lamented the fact that I had to cut a great deal of sports out of my life. This happens when you have a baby. There’s no time to watch a tetrafinal playoff game because the kid needs to be fed or taken for a stroll or put to bed or have its butt w...
Guy Who Promised To Eat His Shirt If The Warriors Won Eats His Shirt
Reddit user PARTYxDIRTYDAN was feeling pretty confident about the Oklahoma City Thunder’s chances against the Golden State Warriors. Even after the Warriors came storming back to win Game 6 on Saturday night, our man was feeling strong enough to promise that he’d eat his shirt if the Warriors went o...
Steph Curry Remembered Who He Is, And That Was That
The Western Conference finals generated a lot of conversation about tactics and matchups. Lineups were scrutinized, the length and athleticism of the Thunder were deemed A Problem for the Warriors, and everyone wondered how Steph Curry was supposed to regain his balance amid all those long arms and ...
The Warriors Restored Order To The Universe
Over the last two seasons, the Golden State Warriors gained an air of inevitability. Besides putting up a ridiculous 140-24 regular season record and marching to an NBA championship, it came from the nagging feeling that, no matter how well their opponent was playing, the Warriors would easily rip o...
Let's Appreciate The Cruel Efficiency Of Klay Thompson's Game 6 Three-Point Orgy
Presumably a couple of goatherds in the Eurasian Steppe and perhaps deep-water oil platform welders in the North Sea are still unaware, so let’s start with the obvious: Klay Thompson had himself a night Saturday. The other Golden State guard took over the elimination Game 6 for the Warriors to such ...
The Golden State Warriors Will Win The NBA Finals
Draymond Green is bad. Steph Curry is Chucky Atkins. No matter. Klay Thompson is a blank-eyed three-shooting robot from space and no one will ever stop the Warriors. I’ll die before they lose again. Burn in hell, Oklahoma City Thunder....
Russell Westbrook Tells Us How He Really Feels About Steph Curry's Defense
After last night’s loss to the Golden State Warriors, Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant were asked if they think Steph Curry is an underrated defender. Westbrook reacted like he’d just been asked if he likes to shop at T.J. Maxx....
The Warriors Aren't Dead Yet
It was simple enough to write the Warriors off when they were down 3-1, on the brink of elimination (only nine teams have ever come back from such a deficit), but they are not dead yet. The Thunder effectively blitzed them into submission in both games in Oklahoma City, and while Russell Westbrook a...
The Thunder Are What's Wrong With The Warriors
So every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns, the Golden State Warriors, the best regular-season NBA team of all time, got duffed by a combined 52 points in two blowout losses in Oklahoma City by the Thunder, previously every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns. This was the ...
A Rowdy Warriors Fan Tried To Fight Charles Barkley Because He Picked The Thunder
Warriors fans got to enjoy their team winning a championship last year then 73 regular season games this year, so they’re understandably shaken up by their team’s unfolding capitulation to the mighty Oklahoma City Thunder. When fans become Mad Online, they tend to threaten violence upon haters, doub...
The Thunder Discovered Their Own Lineup Of Death
The Golden State Warriors have spent two seasons terrorizing opponents with what has become known as the Lineup of Death. It’s a small-ball lineup featuring Draymond Green at the five and Harrison Barnes at the four, and it works for a few simple reasons: There are shooters all over the floor, they ...
This Is All Joe Lacob's Fault
After the Golden State Warriors turned back into the pumpkin they were for so many decades and were blown out by the Thunder for a second straight game, it felt natural to try and seek a rational explanation, to assign credit and blame. You could credit Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant for being t...
The Thunder Are Just Too Goddamn Much
Over the course of their past two years spent dominating the NBA, the Warriors have excelled at avoiding consecutive losses and rapidly turning around playoff series in which they’ve trailed. Tonight, they had an opportunity to keep both trends alive after the Oklahoma City Thunder firebombed them o...