war Page 216 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Media Approval Ratings: Braylon Edwards
When will the blogs vs. mainstream media debate finally end? Hopefully soon, right? Please? Pretty please? There is perhaps only one man who can settle this once and for all, build that oft-mentioned bridge to the 21st Century. And that man is obviously Braylon Edwards....
The Western Michigan Whitecaps Will Restore Balance To The Universe
Welcome to Minor Enterprise. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy....
About Last Night
What you missed while cowering before the might of Milk & Cheese, Dairy Products Gone Bad ... • College World Series: Fresno, birthplace of Cher, Kevin Federline and Trent Dilfer, represent! This series is tied. • Spain invades Wimbledon, enslaves native people, demands to know where gold is hidden....
About Last Night...
What you missed while shopping for the ten best fictional dads for Fathers Day... • U.S. Open: Tiger Uppercut! The one-and-a-half-kneed wonder leads Lee Westwood by one shot. But will we see the Hundred Hand Slap prevail in the final round? • NCAA Baseball: Stanford scores 11 runs in the 9th to beat...
Peter Warrick Is Still Bitter About The Heisman Trophy
So, what has Peter Warrick been up to? Well, as you might suspect, he's floating around the Canadian Football League, training with the Montreal Alouettes. And he's still grouchy about how his American football career went down....
Ryan Howard And His Dancing Turkey Neck
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awf...
Another Reason For Stern To Fix The Western Conference Finals
At this point, the adage that "David Stern doesn't want a Spurs-Pistons final" has become so commonplace as to become tired. But if you live in a world that pretends that Nielsen boxes actually mean anything — because no one's ever met anyone with a Nielsen box and you could track actual viewing pat...
Game Called On Account Of Jellyfish
Enjoy it while you can, Marlins fans. Your team may have won two World Series titles and is currently in first place in the NL Central East, but things have a way of evening out (Dontrelle Willis calls it karma). According to a study cited in the Orlando Sentinel, the polar ice caps are melting at s...
War Emblem Isn't Interested In Breeding; Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
You've probably seen this by now, but, alas, it's still great. War Emblem is tired of the dating scene. Take this farm, for instance; everyone here is such a phony. He'd rather stay in his stall and curl up with a nice Dee Mirich poem, if you want to know the truth. The race horse, who won the Kentu...
Place Bets On The Next NBA Stoner
This has certainly been covered elsewhere — most excellently by TrueHoop - but we really can't get over the "Josh Howard is a terrible person for smoking weed" meme. As Henry Abbott put it, "We're not alarmed that one young person smoked pot. We're alarmed that anyone admitted it." Fitting, not even...
Costas Now Airs Tonight, 10 P.M. Eastern. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
All right, as you might have heard, we'll be appearing live on Costas Now tonight on HBO, at 10 p.m. ET. Theoretically, this will be a roundtable discussion between ourselves, Costas, the outstanding writer (if not necessariliy sabermetrically inclined) Buzz Bissinger and Cleveland Browns wide recei...
1st Round, Twentieth Overall: Buccaneers Select Aqib Talib
Talib blew off his scheduled visit with the Cowboys last month. Mario Manningham blew the Cowboys interview off at the Combine. Now I hate the stinkin' Cowboys as much as any kid who grew up a snowball's throw away from Veterans Stadium, but since when do NFL prospects blow off the Cowboys? They're ...
1st Round, Fifth Overall: Chiefs Select Glenn Dorsey
The big question in March was whether Dorsey had super-secret-surgery on his balky knees. How secret surgery even possible? I can't get a hemorrhoid removed without six referrals and a signed affidavit from the president of my insurance company. But somehow one of the top NFL prospects can sneak in...
Where, Uh, Whoa, Amazing Highs Happen
Dominating the headlines this Saturday is the shocking (shocking!) admission by the Mavericks' Josh Howard that he, like every one in the NBA who isn't J.J. Reddick, smokes trees in the off-season. Also: baseball players take steroids and politicians cheat on their spouses....
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach Finally Gets His Wings
Howard Stern fans will know Kenneth Keith Kallenbach for his lifelong membership as one of the "Wack Pack" and his odd, disturbing, unfunny bits as the stoner kid with the big dreams that would never amount to anything. A Philadelphia area native and Phillies fan, Kallenbach was one of those "comedi...
Remembering Howard Cosell, 13 Years Later
Howard Cosell died 13 years ago today. You will have to forgive us, and most people who read this site who are younger than us, but Cosell is more a legend among our generation than he is anyone who has a tangible relationship to the way we remember sporting events. Cosell was last on "Monday Night ...
Ric Bucher Gets No Big Love From Angry Jazz Fans
ESPN's NBA sideline yapper Ric Bucher will most likely not be invited to any Church of Latter Day Saints picnics anytime soon. During an ESPN radio interview with Colin Cowherd, Bucher suggested that the reason Utah was one of the the toughest places to play was because their fans are so pent-up and...
Epic Fail In Oakland (And Dirk Is A Space Monster!)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would do anything for love, but he won't do that. No, he won't do that. When he's not memorizing Meat Loaf lyrics, you can find him karaokeing them at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Hey Warriors...what's that on your face? I'll tell you. It's egg. And mud. And th...
NHL POST-VIEW: NHL Awards, Facts And Fiction
With the regular season over and done, NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski hands out the hockey hardware — officially and unofficially....