washington Page 37 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Von Miller Tries To Woo Kirk Cousins To Denver With Cereal And Rainbows
Assuming Washington isn’t crazy enough to franchise him—though no moronic idea should ever be put past a team owned by Dan Snyder—Kirk Cousins appears to be headed to free agency. Von Miller would really like you to know he wants Cousins to sign with the Broncos....
Bobby Portis Plays Role In Derrick Rose-To-Wizards Conspiracy To Perfection
Saturday night, with the Bulls hosting the Wizards, teammate puncher Bobby Portis sent not one but both available Wizards point guards to the locker room with bloody head wounds. Clearly, clearly, this is part of the grand conspiracy to bring Derrick Rose to the Washington Wizards. ...
Evil Fate Is Conspiring To Bring Ernie Grunfeld And Late-Career Derrick Rose Together At Last
Adrian Wojnarowski is reporting that the Wizards are expected to sniff around Derrick Rose, now that he has been waived by the Utah Jazz. In a closely related story, I am going to be sick....
The Wizards Are Winning And Making John Wall Mad
Before dropping a game to the 76ers last night, the Washington Wizards were on a 5-0 run without star point guard John Wall in the lineup. Now let’s watch as the Wizards manage to turn winning a bunch of games in a row into a bad thing....
Someone Please Stop Ernie Grunfeld From Considering This Very Stupid Trade
I can think of no harsher or more depressing condemnation of the, god, coming up on 15 years Ernie Grunfeld, a cartilage-brained nincompoop who never saw a ruinous short-sighted midseason trade he didn’t like, has spent as the head personnel honcho of the Washington Wizards than that the following s...
Washington State Gives Community Service Award To Player For Completing Court-Ordered Service
A hearty congratulations to Washington State linebacker Logan Tago for being awarded the Fall 2017 CCE Community Involvement Award! Tago notched an impressive 240 hours in the community during the fall semester. ...
Kirk Cousins Is About To Get <i>Paid</i>, But By Whom?
Last night’s megatrade that will send Alex Smith to Washington ensures that this offseason is almost certain to feature that rarest of NFL species: an experienced starting quarterback venturing into unrestricted free agency. Brace yourself, gentle reader: We live in a world in which Kirk Cousins wil...
Washington Safety D.J. Swearinger Is Pissed About His Teammate Being Traded
Washington and Kansas City are reportedly set to pull off something of a blockbuster trade, with the Chiefs sending quarterback Alex Smith to D.C. in exchange for a third-round draft pick and cornerback Kendall Fuller. Upon learning that Fuller was included in the deal, Skins safety D.J. Swearinger’...
Report: Chiefs Will Trade Alex Smith To Washington
According to the Kansas City Star, the Kansas City Chiefs have reached an agreement to trade longtime starting quarterback Alex Smith to Washington, freeing the Chiefs from a $17 million cap hit....
Roger Goodell Assures Everyone Washington Football Team Will Remain Racist Despite Chief Wahoo Removal
After the Cleveland Indians announced that they’ll be taking Chief Wahoo off of team uniforms by 2019, the Washington NFL team naturally drew scrutiny. Would they follow suit and ditch their comically racist name for something more palatable, or at least scrub their logo for something more neutral?...
Bumbling Package Thief Injures Leg, Is Rescued By Getaway Driver In Russell Wilson Jersey<em></em>
Stealing packages seems like a scummy, straightforward two-person operation: One briskly walks up to the house, while the other keeps the car running. This one on Friday quickly fell apart due to an unforeseen variable: wet grass....
John Wall Broken, Wizards Dead, Universe Empty
Washington Wizards guard John Wall will miss six to eight weeks for a “procedure to clean up” his sore left knee, the one that has now been interfering with his career on a dismally regular basis since at least as far back as 2012. In related news [long anguished scream, tapering away to silence]....
Steven Adams Offers Bradley Beal Swift Kick To The Dick And Balls
In the third quarter of tonight’s Wizards-Thunder game, Bradley Beal went up for a rebound and came down with a direct kick to the dick and balls from Steven Adams. Said kick did not exactly look like a natural act, especially not in the slo-mo replay below:...
Luke Falk Says The Best Way To Honor Late Teammate Tyler Hilinski Is To Talk About Suicide
Washington State QB Luke Falk arrived in Alabama for the Senior Bowl wearing a No. 3 jersey to honor his teammate Tyler Hilinski, who died by suicide earlier this month. Falk and Hilinski played for the Cougars together for a few years, and as Falk heads towards the NFL Draft, he said he wanted to h...
I Guess It's Time For Our Annual "The Wizards Are Trash" Post
The Cavaliers are imploding; the Bucks fired their coach; the Rockets are tunneling into other teams’ locker rooms to make war; even the Celtics have lost three straight and seem wobbly for the first time since opening night. Stuff’s kind of weird around the NBA right now, is what I am saying....
Police: Washington State QB Tyler Hilinski Dead Of Apparent Suicide At 21
Washington State quarterback Tyler Hilinski has been found dead in his apartment in Pullman, Wash. Police are investigating the 21-year-old’s death as a suicide....
How Old Is Edwin Jackson?
Driving to every major league ballpark that Edwin Jackson has called home, one by one, in order, would require driving for more than 16,000 miles to reach 11 stadiums. (Toronto not included on this hypothetical road trip; he was on the Blue Jays’ roster for a few hours between trades at the 2011 dea...
The National Park Service Will Be Run By The Guy Who Helped Dan Snyder Cut Down Public Trees To Improve His River View<em></em>
As fits a government that could already boast a head of the Department of Energy who wants to do away with the Department of Energy and a secretary of education who favors homeschooling over public schools, a guy renowned for desecrating park lands will now be running the National Park Service. P. D...
It Is Disgusting And Unfair That Giannis Is Making Clutch Jumpers Now
Giannis Antetokounmpo put up another absurd Greek Freak line Saturday night in a Bucks road victory over the Wizards: 34 points on 17 shots, 12 rebounds, seven assists, a couple steals, and a block. That’s the third time this season he’s put up at least 34 points on better than 70 percent shooting, ...
Matthew Dellavedova Ejected After Taking Down Bradley Beal
Tonight’s Bucks-Wizards game is a tight one, but Milwaukee is finishing it out without guard Matthew Dellavedova after the Australian earned a flagrant 2 ejection for demolishing Bradley Beal. He is fortunate the official punishment is all that he suffered....