washington Page 38 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: Chiefs Will Trade Alex Smith To Washington
According to the Kansas City Star, the Kansas City Chiefs have reached an agreement to trade longtime starting quarterback Alex Smith to Washington, freeing the Chiefs from a $17 million cap hit....
Roger Goodell Assures Everyone Washington Football Team Will Remain Racist Despite Chief Wahoo Removal
After the Cleveland Indians announced that they’ll be taking Chief Wahoo off of team uniforms by 2019, the Washington NFL team naturally drew scrutiny. Would they follow suit and ditch their comically racist name for something more palatable, or at least scrub their logo for something more neutral?...
Bumbling Package Thief Injures Leg, Is Rescued By Getaway Driver In Russell Wilson Jersey<em></em>
Stealing packages seems like a scummy, straightforward two-person operation: One briskly walks up to the house, while the other keeps the car running. This one on Friday quickly fell apart due to an unforeseen variable: wet grass....
John Wall Broken, Wizards Dead, Universe Empty
Washington Wizards guard John Wall will miss six to eight weeks for a “procedure to clean up” his sore left knee, the one that has now been interfering with his career on a dismally regular basis since at least as far back as 2012. In related news [long anguished scream, tapering away to silence]....
Steven Adams Offers Bradley Beal Swift Kick To The Dick And Balls
In the third quarter of tonight’s Wizards-Thunder game, Bradley Beal went up for a rebound and came down with a direct kick to the dick and balls from Steven Adams. Said kick did not exactly look like a natural act, especially not in the slo-mo replay below:...
Luke Falk Says The Best Way To Honor Late Teammate Tyler Hilinski Is To Talk About Suicide
Washington State QB Luke Falk arrived in Alabama for the Senior Bowl wearing a No. 3 jersey to honor his teammate Tyler Hilinski, who died by suicide earlier this month. Falk and Hilinski played for the Cougars together for a few years, and as Falk heads towards the NFL Draft, he said he wanted to h...
I Guess It's Time For Our Annual "The Wizards Are Trash" Post
The Cavaliers are imploding; the Bucks fired their coach; the Rockets are tunneling into other teams’ locker rooms to make war; even the Celtics have lost three straight and seem wobbly for the first time since opening night. Stuff’s kind of weird around the NBA right now, is what I am saying....
Police: Washington State QB Tyler Hilinski Dead Of Apparent Suicide At 21
Washington State quarterback Tyler Hilinski has been found dead in his apartment in Pullman, Wash. Police are investigating the 21-year-old’s death as a suicide....
How Old Is Edwin Jackson?
Driving to every major league ballpark that Edwin Jackson has called home, one by one, in order, would require driving for more than 16,000 miles to reach 11 stadiums. (Toronto not included on this hypothetical road trip; he was on the Blue Jays’ roster for a few hours between trades at the 2011 dea...
The National Park Service Will Be Run By The Guy Who Helped Dan Snyder Cut Down Public Trees To Improve His River View<em></em>
As fits a government that could already boast a head of the Department of Energy who wants to do away with the Department of Energy and a secretary of education who favors homeschooling over public schools, a guy renowned for desecrating park lands will now be running the National Park Service. P. D...
It Is Disgusting And Unfair That Giannis Is Making Clutch Jumpers Now
Giannis Antetokounmpo put up another absurd Greek Freak line Saturday night in a Bucks road victory over the Wizards: 34 points on 17 shots, 12 rebounds, seven assists, a couple steals, and a block. That’s the third time this season he’s put up at least 34 points on better than 70 percent shooting, ...
Matthew Dellavedova Ejected After Taking Down Bradley Beal
Tonight’s Bucks-Wizards game is a tight one, but Milwaukee is finishing it out without guard Matthew Dellavedova after the Australian earned a flagrant 2 ejection for demolishing Bradley Beal. He is fortunate the official punishment is all that he suffered....
NFL Heiress Arrested After Sloppy Street Altercation
Jacqueline Kent Cooke, daughter of former Skins owner Jack Kent Cooke, was arrested last night after getting into an altercation with a man on an Upper East Side sidewalk....
Alex Ovechkin Is On Pace For Yet Another 50-Goal Season
Alexander Ovechkin took over the NHL lead in goals with a late pair, the first tying a sloppy, high-scoring game, and the second giving Washington the 5-4 OT win in Carolina. “It’s almost like whenever he decides to end it,” said his linemate Devante Smith-Pelly,” he can just go do it.”...
Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week: Kirk Cousins Is Cold And Wants To Go Home
Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer....
Washington Announcer Bob Rondeau Ended His Career With A Humble Final Sign-Off
Thirty-seven years after he first began calling Huskies games, Washington radio announcer Bob Rondeau signed off from his final broadcast in a characteristically low-key fashion....
What's Wrong With Gus Johnson?
If you know anything about announcers, you know that Gus Johnson gets excited a lot. His Gusgasms at the slightest hint of any action in the games he calls has delighted and aggravated fans for years in equal measure....
Alex Ovechkin's Bullet One-Timers Will Never Get Old
The Washington Capitals entered the second period tonight against the Bruins down 2-0, and after a couple of scoreless games prior, they were staring down the longest goal drought in team history. But Lars Eller ended the struggle at 12:31, and less than two minutes later, Alex Ovechkin took a power...
Amazing Online Hoax <em></em>Welcomes "Washington RedHawks" To The NFL
As a general rule, when the internet’s baking outer shitlands send aspiring creators of fake news, it isn’t sending us its best. It’s sending Destroy Belly Fat With One Weird Click fraudwads, it’s sending Macedonian click-hustlers and pinwheel-eyed domestic weirdos whose minds have been corroded by...
Washington State Dismisses Tavares Martin Jr. For "Violation Of Team Rules"
Ahead of their upcoming Holiday Bowl appearance against Michigan State, 9-3 Washington State has dismissed leading wide receiver Tavares Martin Jr. for an unspecified “violation of team rules.” Martin, a junior, had 831 yards receiving on the year....