we Page 635 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

We've Found The Unluckiest Soccer Team In The World: Off The Woodwork 3 Times In 3 Seconds
"Unlucky" being one of the more generous adjectives to describe Real Betis's repeated failure to find twine late in the first half of their La Liga match against Mallorca yesterday. Don't blame Rubén Castro, who got things rolling with a shot off the far post; blame Jorge Molina, whose successive ...

Once Upon A Time, Serena And That Same Chair Umpire Laughed Off Her Hindrance And They Replayed The Point
...And everyone lived happily ever after, until last night in Flushing....

Brian Billick Said The Rams "Had Some Sex With The No-Huddle Offense"
It was just a slip of the tongue, but Billick knew what he said: the awkward pause, then the repetition of the statement, emphasizing the success St. Louis had been having with the no-huddle offense. A natural mistake. Sex is very much like the no-huddle offense. Furious, improvisational, and usua...

Chris Myers Needed A Bourbon On The Rocks To Get Through Lions/Buccaneers
Returning from a commercial break, FOX announcer Chris Myers believed his mic was off when he thanks an unknown individual and then specified "bourbon on the rocks." In-game drink order? Post-game plans? What he drank six of last night and that's why he threw up on broadcast partner Tim Ryan's sho...

Behold This Bumbling Romo-Sanchez Lowlight Reel
It was never clear last night just which quarterback would throw away the game for his team: Tony Romo or Mark Sanchez. In the end it was Romo, who fumbled twice and threw the ball away to Darrelle Revis (Sanchez also threw a pick and fumbled the ball away) to help the Jets set up a game-winning f...

Tony Soprano Probably Saved The Jets By Having The Cowboys Whacked
Your morning roundup for Sept. 12, the day after there just wasn't enough 9/11 coverage on television. Photo via @xmasape. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Lone Lokomotiv Yarolslavl Player To Survive Crash Dies
Alexander Galimov, who had come up with Lokomotiv Yaroslavl's youth system, died today from his injuries sustained in Wednesday's crash. He was 26. A member of the flight crew is now the only survivor of the accident....

9/11 Stadium Brawl At Jets-Cowboys Game Includes One Fan Zapping People With A Taser
I guess we could assume that the security at MetLife Stadium was being extra vigilant during tonight's stressful, gloomy anniversary game and were so preoccupied with making sure no fan tried to sneak in an umbrella or a laser pointer that they simply forgot to pat-down everyone for the little thi...

Looks Like Somebody Pissed Themselves At Today's Chargers Game
The good thing about what happened to this poor chap standing next to a lass wearing a short light blue/white checkered skirt sitting in the front row when the San Diego Chargers hosted the Minnesota Vikings today is that he didn't shit himself. That's an assumption. He probably has by now. (H/T Cu...

Before Losing The U.S. Open Finals, Serena Williams Told The Umpire She Was An Unattractive Hater
Wow. Before Serena Williams got done wasting 73 minutes of everybody's time in losing the U.S. Open 6-2, 6-3 today, she made sure to tear into the chair umpire for a whole bunch of things related, and not related, to being issued a court violation for yelling at the opposition. Poor thing....

Red Sox Fans, Now's The Time To Freak The Fahhk Out
Lo, while you were watching some kind of football all weekend, this happened: Boston got swept by Tampa Bay. 7-2, 6-5, and 9-1 today. Four of those nine runs came on this BJ Upton atom bomb off Matt Albers. That moves the Rays 3.5 games behind the Sox—three in the loss column—for the AL Wild Card ...

Young Kansas City Fan Just Seems To Get What Coach Haley's All About
Buffalo Bills 41, Kansas City Chiefs 7. Bro....

Here's Video Of The Friday Night Fights At A Detroit Eatery
Explained YouTuber FullerVision, "Went to the money to get a corn beef sandwich and got some entertainment while waiting." There's some cussing, and bare male ass herein, for what it's worth....

Today In News About Youth Coaches Getting Arrested On Child-Pornography Charges
When they questioned [Fort Wayne Youth Hockey coach Michael C.] Wenger, he told investigators he had been using the file sharing network for about a year, with approximately 20 friends on the network, according to court documents. He admitted to using the network about once a day for "child pornogr...

Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
We're going to be doing some hot open thread action today, so let's get all experimental together. A preview of all the important story lines this afternoon is provided for your edification. Enjoy the games and chat it up down below! ...

Presenting Details Culled From The Heroic, Romantic Tale Of How Dan Snyder Courted Mike Shanahan
There's a story in today's Washington Post headlined "Washington Redskins: How Daniel Snyder found his man in Mike Shanahan."...

Here's A Picture Of An Amorous Moment Between A Yankees Starting Pitcher And Backup Catcher
Tipster Spatt sent this photo of happy handed activities in the Yankees dugout last evening, along with the observation, "Apparently Bartolo Colon didn't like the feel of Jesus Montero's balls. Looks like Montero doesn't mind though. Ah, the perks of the Big Leagues."...

Even The Great Lionel Messi Dives Sometimes
Barcelona's Lionel Messi got a yellow card during yesterday's draw with Real Sociedad. He started the game on the bench, having just returned from India, where he'd been serving international duty for Argentina....

Daniel Snyder Finally Dismisses His Dumbass Libel Lawsuit Against The Washington City Paper
Let this serve as We Are All Dave McKenna CCXVIII ......

M-Bish, Who Smokes That Kush, Totally Calls His Fellow Tenth Graders Out As Tools, Dirty Rags
Mikey Bish's NSFWoS lyrical stylings about doing "whatever the fuck I want," "backing up my game with the hottest bitches" and the nuances of pimp-hand cross-training are true American treasures....