we Page 642 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

This Evening: A Team So Funny, We Forgot To Laugh
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 2, the day we tricked you into thinking it was our birthday again. Photo via Slashfilm. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Thankfully, Nyjer Morgan Has Continued Giving Postgame Interviews In Character
Yes, the Brewers have won seven in a row and opened up moderate leads on not-good-enough St. Louis and really-not-good-enough Pittsburgh, but that success isn't the most exciting thing in Milwaukee baseball. Nor is Prince Fielder's contract year or John Axford's mustache or the Yuniesky Betancourt...

Will ESPN's Coverage Of Northwestern's Dan Persa Convince ESPN To Cover Dan Persa? ESPN Investigates
This is a story on ESPN.com about a Heisman marketing campaign launched by Northwestern on behalf of quarterback Dan Persa. The school has purchased billboard space not in Times Square but in Bristol, Conn., near ESPN headquarters. "Northwestern," writes ESPN's Adam Rittenberg on ESPN.com, "is hopin...

Ohio State Can't Find Their Hitler Tree
Don't you hate it when you misplace your Nazi Olympic souvenir? [NPR]...

Soccer's Barely Back, And We Already Have A Dive Of The Year Candidate
It's August, which means Europe's domestic leagues are just revving up. One of the first is the Dutch Eredivisie, which kicked off with FC Twente's Peter Wisgerhof tripping over an invisible footstool that someone carelessly left out on the pitch....

If The Lockout Persists, Kobe Bryant Has a Highlight Reel That Might Interest The LA Galaxy
Your morning roundup for Aug. 1, the day we learned what booze is doing to Britain. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Samaki Walker Got Pulled Over With Weed And Steroids, So He Tried To Eat The Weed
The Mavs took Samaki Walker ninth overall in 1996, between Kerry Kittles and Erick Dampier, four picks before Kobe Bryant, and six before Steve Nash. Walker hasn't seen any NBA game action since December 2005, so you don't need Jay Bilas to point out that he's a bust. He's played in Russia, Syria, C...

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

It's Not The Heat, It's The Humididong
Mitch Butler and Josh Landis couldn't even get through a simple 2:05 CBS Early Show segment exploring the nuances of humidity without slapping a big old phallic symbol up on the screen, and one with a rapidly increasing temperature, no less....

So Long Ochocinco, And Thanks For The Sombrero
While Chad Ochocinco was thanking God for sending him to New England (or more likely just getting him out of Cincinnati), his now ex-teammate Pacman Jones was helping himself to the contents of Ochocinco's locker. That included modeling the sombrero Chad once pulled out on the field and offering up ...

A Poem For Albert Haynesworth, Composed Solely Of Media Descriptions
Awful Albert, Abysmal Albert: Attitude-afflicted wash-up. Massive and huge and fat and lazy and difficult....

This Is What It's Like To Sit Near Big Yankees Fan Michael LaPayower In The Bronx
When Jake Bertanza went to last night's Yankees game, he might have expected that CC Sabathia would pitch a lovely game, but he certainly could not have known he'd end up sitting a few seats away from Michael "Big Yankees Fan" LaPayower and his videographer brother....

Gilbert Arenas Has A Special BlackBerry Messenger Category For "Best At Fellatio"
"My new avi is how my bbm is set up so to all my ladies. Figure out where u are!! haha" He's changed his avatar since, but we really, sincerely hope that the one person listed under "Girls I respect" is his mother. [via TBJ, @agentzeroshow]...

Jeff Saturday On Hugging It Out
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Colts and Patriots, sitting in a tree....

Guess Who Arrived First For Broncos Practice Today?
At 8:01 this morning: "Tim Tebow. Of course." [@AdamSchefter]...

Spencer Hawes Honors The Seattle SuperSonics With A Terrible Haircut
The people of Seattle will go to great lengths to honor their former team. They will heckle billionaires. They will refuse free, courtside seats to the NBA playoffs. And they will shave an outline of the Seattle Space Needle into the backs of their heads....

Eric Wedge's Mustache Tweets From The Dead
From an iPhone, no less. When the Mariners' losing streak reached 14 games Saturday night, manager Eric Wedge made the "drastic" decision to shave his 'stache, thinking it might help with karma or whatever. It didn't, as Seattle lost again to Boston yesterday. The People Against Eric Wedge's Mustac...

Breaking: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $171.45, But That's Because He Didn't Pay Last Month's Bill
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....

Don't Dream It's Over: Disney Permanently Cancels ESPN: The Weekend
Last week, we mentioned, barely suppressing our glee, that ESPYs ratings had hit their lowest point in 16 years. With similar exuberance, we gave you ESPN's condom-obsessed in-house standards bible. Death knells....

The Strange Daily Commute Of Kei Igawa, Minor League Superstar
Bill Pennington has a splendid New York Times piece today about Kei Igawa, the other Japanese pitcher who came over to the US in the winter of 2006. The Red Sox splurged on the posting fee for Daisuke Matsuzaka—who, let's not forget, had two nice seasons before becoming the biggest Boston blight sin...