we Page 695 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Hygiene Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
Michael Phelps Makes America Safe For Weed
Congratulations, dope heads! Your groovy hero has bonged his way into America's heart and now you're free to toke up wherever and whenever you see fit. Enjoy your reefer, hippies, and be sure to thank Michael Phelps when you do....
Breaking: Joe Morgan Tells The Truth!
America's baseball uncle was tellin' tales again last night — something about a long slump and a home run he hit off Nolan Ryan — and for once, his story is supported by those ever-pesky computer numbers. [MLB Insights]...
A Nutty Theory About Lance Armstrong
A couple of scientists argue that Lance Armstrong did indeed employ certain exotic performance-enhancing procedures before his run of seven consecutive Tour De France victories: namely, getting his diseased testicle lopped off....
Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa Rise From The Dead
ABC made a mistake when they somehow let the onlymost marketable face on their game show get booted off in the first week. Well, thanks to the magic of television that's all a distant memory!...
Don't Like Your Starting Pitcher? Sell Him On eBay
His value is estimated at $100,000, so for $.01 on a joke eBay auction, Suppan is a steal. Disclaimer: "No Harms was made to Brewers, Fans, Suppan, Hall and any other animal while making and publishing this add." [HRDerby]...
Yao Ming's Giant Foot Has Failed Him
Shit's broke. Like broke-broke. And fuck the Knicks. I'm sorry, this isn't the Brandon Jennings article is it? I must have gotten lost. [Yahoo!]...
The Lightning's Draft Pick Really Does Read The Articles
Q: What's the last book you read? Viktor Hedman: "I don't want to say. The last one was Jenna Jameson, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star." Delightfully tacky, yet literately unrefined. [JoeBoltsFan]...
He's Not A Coffeenerd, But Trent Green Loves His Kids And Niagara Falls
"It's one thing to play football in front of 80,000 fans on Sundays, but it's quite another to write about it knowing 1.5 million of you are used to a pro like Peter King." [SI.com]...
Billy Mays Dead At 50
"Billy Mays here!" Not anymore. Chad Ochocinco was wrong. This is worse than 9/11. Now let's all watch his ESPN360 commercials and weep gently. [TBO]...
This Love Has Taken Its Toll On Me
Red Sox owner John Henry got married yesterday, and held his reception in Fenway's outfield, with the best guest list ever: Larry David, Ken Burns, Alan Dershowitz, the Farrelly Brothers, and Bud Selig. The live band: Maroon 5. [Boston Globe]...
Would Ken Rosenthal Like To Yell At Jerry Crowe Now?
Since Ken Rosenthal (among many others) is the mortal enemy of unfounded speculation, everyone is eagerly awaiting his takedown of L.A. Times columnist's Jerry Crowe's suspicious wonderings over Albert Pujols' power. It should be arriving any minute now....
The Superstars Loses Its Superstar
By now you've certainly seen the video of Joanna Krupa going all Terrell Owens on....Terrell Owens (language NSFW), but if you didn't actually watch "The Superstars" last night than you must hate Americana and apple pie, baby....
This Is How You Know The U.S. Open Didn't End The Way Most People Wanted It To
Seconds after Lucas Glover snatched his wife into a victorious embrace, we received three emails from readers with screengrabs of her pit sweat. I'm surprised Dan Jenkins didn't Twitter about it....
Joe Morgan Clarifies One Fib, Possibly Tells Another
As you know, Joe Morgan, the human sic, told a bit of a stretcher during last Sunday's broadcast. Yesterday, he clarified the matter in a way only Joe Morgan could. By maybe lying again....
What We Learned About The 2009 Wimbledon Champion
"Every tennis lover would like, someday, to play like Federer," Philippe Bouin tells Cynthia Gorney of The New York Times Magazine for this week's cover story. "But every man wants to be Rafael Nadal. Which is different."...
It's U.S. Open Week And Everyone Needs Takeouts, So...
...let's write about how hard putting is. That hacker on your local muni, the one with the yips? Not so different from the winner at Bethpage Black, if they ever play. They worry about words like joule, though. [WSJ]...
Wisconsin Actually Has An Inspired Sense Of Humor
These shirts have been popping up all over Green Bay, given the news that their former quarterback is talking to the Vikings and considering another comeback. [Sconnie]...
The U.S. Open Is Open For Business
You were probably hoping that following the U.S. Open online would be a nice distraction from work today, but they just suspended play due to heavy rain. Hey, who wants to hear Tiger Woods cuss on teevee?...
Is It Bad When An Interview Subject Chokes You Into Unconsciousness?
Here's a note to aspiring journalists. If you're ever interviewing a boxer, mixed martial artist, or pro wrestler, never ask them about the strength (or veracity) of their most punishing moves. They might decide to "demonstrate" on you without asking....