we Page 697 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Some Chick To Teach Other Broads About Man Things
The L.A. Dodgers will air a series of radio broadcasts aimed at women, particularly those who don't know much about baseball. Jeanne Zelasko will do play-by-play and talk real slow so that these dames can get the infield fly rule through their thick skulls....

Notre Dame Conveniently Forgets The Terrible Parts Of The Charlie Weis Era
Charlie Weis' detailed year-by-year biography in Fighting Irish media guides somehow fails to mention any season in which a Weis-affiliated team had a losing record. It's not a very long biography. [No Guts, No Glory]...

A Match Made In Barley And Hops
"Hi fellow brewer fans, I am getting married in August and since both of us are diehard crew fans, we are having a brewers themed wedding." Stop right there. Where are you registered and should I bring bottles or cans? [Wrigleyville23]...

Eric Chavez Might Be Done With Baseball Soon
Eric Chavez has been told by his doctors that he has a herniated disk in his back and if he hurts it again, that's it for his career. Man, that's gotta suck....

Only Terrell Owens Can Cover Terrell Owens
Now that the city of Buffalo is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Terrell Owens, Inc., he's just going to go ahead and do his own sports reports, thank you very much. [WKBW]...

Jennie Finch Was Probably On Steroids
She might as well be, since we're in the guilt by association age of baseball. But this was a time when these four men still had careers untainted by PEDs. Amazingly, MLB.com still sells it....

What Are The Nuggets Going To Do When WWE Runs Wild On Game 4?
Game 4—if necessary! (oh right)—of the Western Conference Finals is scheduled for next Monday night at the Pepsi Center, but there's a scheduling snafu. "Monday Night Raw" already has the place booked....

Brewers Fans Want Everyone To Know They Don't Like The Happy Youngster, Either
Brewers Nation has taken to the blogs to distance itself from The Happy Youngster, the entrepreneurial ballhawk and walking object lesson about the perils of being a self-branded public idiot. Amazingly, Matt Vasgersian is involved!...

Terrell Owens Makes Buffalo Seem Like An Exciting Place To Live
Terrell Owens has been a Buffalo Bill for all of about six hours, but he's already the most beloved free agent acquisition in the history of football. Although to be fair....we are talking about Buffalo....

Rookie Millionaire Versus Obsessive Super Fan - Who Ya Got?
Last Wednesday, Marlins' rookie Chris Coghlan hit his first career homerun. He didn't anticipate trouble getting the ball back. Then again, he also didn't anticipate it being caught by professional ballhawk "THE HAPPY YOUNGSTER"!...

Ted Nugent Would Kill You If He Could
Whatever political side you hang your coonskin hat on, you may or may not think hunting is a sport. But Ted Nugent, righty rockstar and murderer of many woodland creatures, is always an enjoyable interview....

Angry Indy Star Columnist Says Cuban's Blog Apology Adds To America's Sprawling Weeniedom
"My biggest objection is the proliferation of blogs and posts by anonymous weenies — or pansies, if you will...[c]onfront them face to face, and next thing you know they're changing underwear." [IndyStar]...

The Sportswriting Of Malcolm Gladwell Reaches A Tipping Point
By now, you've probably made it through all three parts of the Simmons-Gladwell ESPN.com tandem bike ride. Let's thin-slice! Here's my reaction: Could Malcolm Gladwell please stick to being wrong about dog trainers and Enron?...

Yahoo's Righteous Crusade To Purify College Sports
Yahoo, as noted earlier, has another story out in its long-running series on the generous redistributive polices of the USC athletic department. I hate to go all Jason Whitlock here, but, well ......

Benoit's Doctor Feelgood Headed To Jail
The 54-year-old doctor was hooking up a slew of athletes with illegal drugs. Unfortunately, three of them were killed and a judge decided he deserves part of the blame. [ESPN]...

Introducing Your New Deadspinner
Hi. I’m the new guy. Nice to make your acquaintance....

Malcolm Gladwell Wants To Know Why Your Team Doesn't Press More
There's a very lengthy article in The New Yorker this week, from uber-contrarian Malcolm Gladwell arguing that basketball teams should press more often, because it helps weak teams upset strong ones. (Except when it doesn't.)...

Trevor Hoffman's Music Scares The Crap Out Of Ken Macha
The Brewers manager says he hides in the bathroom when his closer enters the game, because Hoffman's entrance music is just too darn loud. Or maybe it's the new Japanese seat warmers? [ESPN; game notes]...

John Danks Kills A Squirrel Or John Danks Shows How He Gets So Much Movement On His Pitches Or John Danks Stabs His Brain Or...
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
