well Page 34 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

OMG Puppies! And Other Highlights From Signing Day
A recruit hoisted a puppy, a mother forged her son's signature on a letter of intent, CBS made Rich Rodriguez interview his successor at Michigan, and many hats were donned. Signing day! First comes the built-up signature, next comes crushing disappointment....

Kansas State Basketball Doesn't Bother Spelling Freshman's Name Rigth
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Wait, You Mean Someone Wants To Pay Vernon Wells?
The Angels traded away dependable if unspectacular backstop Mike Napoli. In return, they receive negative 86 million dollars over the next four years....

Just Vote For Jeff Bagwell, You Hypocrites
Jerod Morris idly wondered if Raul Ibanez might've had a little pharmaceutical help, and everyone went nutso. Damien Cox suggested Jose Bautista's numbers were surprising, and he caught shit. So why is it OK to not vote for Bagwell because of "suspicions?"...

Nick Van Exel's Son Is Free On Bail
Two days after being arrested for murder in Dallas, Nickey Maxwell Van Exel is a free man whose lawyer claims murder is a harsh term for "horseplay." Bail was originally $1 million; NMVE only had to post $25,000....

Nick Van Exel's Son Charged With Murder
Dallas police have arrested Nickey Maxwell Van Exel, 20, in the shooting death of Bradley Eyo. [Dallas Observer]...

Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been An Idiot?
The argument here — that we're justified in suspecting Jeff Bagwell of using steroids because he "never uttered a word" or "demand[ed] accountability" about PEDs in baseball — is straight-up HUACtastic bullshit, no chaser....

Batshit Hall Of Fame Voter: "I Compare PED Users To Murderers"
And we compare Lowell Cohn to a cymbal-banging monkey toy. I'm beginning to suspect HOF voters really do fancy themselves an elite task force of karacter kops. Drugs make people crazy. A Hall of Fame ballot makes people crazier. [PressDemocrat.com, Business Insider]...

Smoking Hot Red Zone Gal Answers Your Stupid Questions!
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Prep Schoolers Up In Arms Over Plebeian Reporter Pointing Out That Their Crappy Football Team Sucks
The Sidwell Friends football team has been outscored 373-43 this season. When Washington City Paper columnist Dave McKenna pointed that out, he learned that the school's tony pansies are way feistier on the Internet than they are on the field....

The 10 Worst Long-Tenured Head Coaches Of The Past 20 Years
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Weekend Winner: The Morons Of The NFL
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Andy Reid, Jim Caldwell and Nate Clements, who proved that of all the metrics and intangibles required for NFL success, having a single goddamned brain cell is most important....

Field Trip: Simmons And Gladwell At The New Yorker Festival, Falling In And Out Of Love
Ever wondered how the chummy love-fest email exchanges between Malcolm Gladwell and Bill Simmons translate when the two meet face-to-face? Well, it's kind of like when a "certain kind of person" meets another "certain kind of person." I'll explain....

N.Y. Daily News Still Pissed At Flyers Fans Who Booed Grizzly Mom
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Do You Believe In Owning A Sad, Bedridden Ex-Hockey Player's Cherished Keepsake? Yes!
A gold medal that once belonged to Mark Wells, the last player selected for the 1980 "Miracle on Ice" hockey team, now laid low by a genetic disease of the spinal cord, is going up for auction. [Puck Daddy]...

Learn Linguistics The Latrell Sprewell Way
Reader Chris sends in this picture of his linguistics textbook where a short Latrell Sprewell history lesson is used for a quick lesson on inflectional morphemes....

Stories That Don't Suck: The Shot Heard 'Round The World And The Greatest Lede Ever Written
From time to time, we'll select stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that we urge you to read for one reason or another. Today: a fitting memorial for Bobby Thomson....

The Truth About John Terry And Steven Gerrard Revealed
As pointed out many times, The Spoiler is very well connected, with a mob of secret squirrels all over the country, listening through boardroom walls with mini-pint jugs pressed to their ears, smoking endless cigarellos....

Premiership Team Unveils New Uniform Via Terrified Forced Striptease
Everton premiered their new away kit by having midfielder Jack Rodwell strip down to it. The backdrop, music and his expression make it look nothing so much like he's been sold into sex slavery....

This Is What Orson Welles Sounds Like When He's Drunk
Here's a delightful set of outtakes from a Welles commercial for Paul Masson wines. As the old adage says: If the check clears, Orson Welles'll shill for your crappy products, but don't expect him to be sober doing it. [Pursuitlist via NYMag]...