what Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How to Cash Out Your Change
It's around 3 p.m., and I'm starting to run out of gas. My brain just has no juice. I'm a writer, and I work best in the mornings, so I try to be typing by 7:45 a.m., and with any luck I make it till 4 before the gears start to grind and the works gum up. But not today. Today, by like 3:15, the wo...
WGN Has Woman Make Sparks With Her Crotch In Front Of Awestruck Kids
This wonderful moment in local news history was broadcast recently on Chicago's WGN. Please note the children in the background....
Tommy Lasorda's Dance Moves Will Screw Your Whole Day Up
Ready for your morning to get weird?...
The Wizards' Celebration Of Black History Month Is A Little Tone-Deaf
The Washington Wizards created a pop-up website to celebrate Black History Month. The site is full of pictures of various members of the Wizards organization spliced next to a picture of a historical black figure that inspires them, and a quote from each person featured. It's mostly a harmless idea,...
Elegant Giant Baby Joey Crawford Leaps Through The Air
You think Nikola Mirotic is going to take an improper free throw attempt? Not on Joey Crawford's watch. Look at Air Joey soar through the air as he foils a minor error in a game. Thanks for keeping us safe....
Marshawn Lynch Made A Movie About His Life And It Looks Really Bad
Listen, I'm as confused as you are, but this is appears to be a promo for a movie about the life of Marshawn Lynch, starring Marshawn Lynch. It looks like an extremely bad movie! ...
Justin Bartha Hits On Jill Martin In Weird Sideline Interview
Via Marcia Herold, here's an interview at the Knicks game with Jill Martin and an out-of-it Justin Bartha. (You know, the guy who didn't do anything in The Hangover.) Martin tries to talk about movies, but Bartha takes things his own way....
Trampoline Dodgeball Exists, And It Looks Extremely Fun
I would absolutely play trampoline dodgeball, even though I didn't know it existed until about an hour ago....
Giant Shrieking Raven Occupies Levi's Stadium, All Is Lost
The entire Western seaboard is being evacuated today, after an NHL webcam captured what appears to be an enormous bird the size of a football field interrupting the rink construction for Saturday's Kings-Sharks game. It is too late for humanity; surely the black death shall devour us all. Should the...
How To Clean Up Every Mess Depicted In <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i>
Fifty Shades of Grey is not a good book. The story essentially boils down to two boring people engaged in a boring contract negotiation, punctuated by seemingly endless rounds of shower/bathtub sex and a few light spankings. It's really very, very dull stuff....
<i>Dr. Phil</i> Without Dialogue Is Haunting Performance Art
Great idea, even better execution. David Lynch wishes he could make some shit like this....
Watch A Giant High School Football Player Dominate His Tiny Opponents
This is a highlight reel for Elijah Grady, a 6-foot-5, 295 lbs. senior who plays nine-man football for New Town High in New Town, N.D. Grady is technically an offensive tackle, but as you can see in this reel from Hudl.com, he does pretty much everything. Which is to say, if you like fat guy touchd...
Fake 90's Commercial Has An Extremely Dark Twist
This sketch from RocketJump starts out as a pastiche of 1990s commercials for kids—you know, the ones that had fisheye lenses, a ton of electric guitar, and ATTITUDE—but things take a turn for the disgusting about 47 seconds in. You've been warned....
The Worst Tinder Pickup Lines I've Gotten
People have a lot of things to say on how to Tinder, but my main piece of advice would be this: Don't be gross. Yes, open with something more interesting than "Yo" or "Hey" or "Howdy." (Please don't use "Howdy.") But mostly, don't be gross. Also, please don't repeat any of these opening lines a few ...
Naked-Ass Cowboy Goes For A Stroll On Snowy Highway
I'm going to be honest, you aren't going to get a very long look at at the naked-ass cowboy in the video above, but I think your experience will be better for it. It's like a Bigfoot sighting: One second you're looking at nothing but a snowy Detroit highway, and in the next you're getting a brief gl...
What Is This Batshit Anti-Nike, Anti-Kevin Durant Website?
This is just one of the many completely insane image macros that can currently be found at townofloveokc.publishpath.com. From what I can gather, this site is run by a crazy person who believes two things very strongly: Nike is an evil, Godless corporation, and Kevin Durant is the devil....
Sal Paolantonio Has Found The Real<i> </i>Victim Of Ballghazi
We still have nine days until the Super Bowl, everyone. Mark Brunell getting upset over the possibility of Tom Brady fibbing is not the nadir of Ballghazi, though that'd be nice. On this morning's Colin Cowherd radio atrocity, Sal Paolantonio remixed a classic hand-wringing angle—Think of the ch...
Baylor Played An NAIA Team For The Sake Of A Dopey Movie
There's a noticeable oddity among today's college basketball box scores: The Baylor Bears, a nationally ranked Division I team, beat the hell out of the Huston-Tillotson Rams, an NAIA team that has a few Division I schools on its schedule, but has no real business playing against the big boys. The m...
Seahawks Tweet, Delete MLK Quote With Photo Of Crying Russell Wilson
Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson had tears streaming down his face after Seattle beat the Packers in overtime. He was crying as the team huddled up for the postgame prayer circle, and he was still crying through his postgame interview. Wilson was understandably emotional over the team's miraculou...