what Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brent Musburger Said Piss, And Kirk Herbstreit Couldn't Keep His Shit Together
On Saturday night, we all speculated about what Brent Musburger could have said that was bad enough that ABC felt the need to cut off the audio while he and Kirk Herbstreit pulled themselves together. Today, we have the unedited version: piss. He said "piss," instead of "pick." ...
Brent Musburger Bleeped By ESPN Censors After Saying Something Naughty
We're not sure exactly what Brent Musburger is saying here, because we're officially out of the business of reading lips. But his comments during tonight's Michigan-Alabama blowout were something that necessitated censors using the seven-second delay, and ones Musburger later remarked were "a Freu...
ESPN Prepping Its Talent For A Twitter Shitstorm After Deciding To No Longer Air Must-Watch Games On ESPN3
The Protean identity of ESPN's online network ESPN3 shifts again this week, as the former ESPN360 attempts to distance itself from similar offering WatchESPN. The Worldwide Leader has elected to end the simulcast of sporting events shown on ESPN's cable nets to ESPN3—a service available to 73 milli...
If You Feel Compelled To Stroll The Beach In A Banana-Hammock, Do So
No one will care if your spare tire is gleaming in the late-summer sunshine. No one will blink an eye if your body hair creates a halo around your creatively toned muscles. No one will give a flying fig if your sunglasses were purchased at a Taos gas station sometime during the hazy summer of 1981...
Everything You Never Needed To Know About Rhythmic Gymnastics
We love gymnastics. It gets the highest ratings of any summer event. Every four years we fall in love with a new "America's Sweetheart." They get the Wheaties box. The team goes down in history....
Everything You Never Needed To Know About Modern Pentathlon
Here's a great way to make some extra cash:...
Everything You Never Needed To Know About Racewalking
Remember watching When Harry Met Sally, and thinking to yourself "What the hell are they doing?" as you watched Billy Crystal in spandex walking fast and funny through Central Park with Bruno Kirby? That was racewalking, son....
Everything You Never Needed To Know About Trampoline
Trampolining is not just for cute foxes in viral videos—it's a crazypants real sport that made its Olympic debut in 2000. As Canadian Karen Cockburn, the bronze medalist at those games, said after winning her medal, "A lot of people don't really know what trampoline is, they think it's a toy you jum...
What The Jingoists Are Saying Today: "Suck it Russia! 'If You Don't Like America, You Can Get Out!'"
I honestly don't even know what that means. Is it directed at...Russia? Is Russia currently in the United States? If so, has it expressed displeasure with being in the United States? Why is it in quotes? Is it an oft-quoted saying? Now directed at Russia? So many questions. But let's move on to wha...
American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse
My wife has a subscription to Parents magazine, and the fun thing about Parents magazine is that every issue is virtually identical. Whether you pick up the June 2008 issue or the March 2012 issue, you're still getting all the same shit, including items like "567 fun knitting crafts to help stave of...
Donald Trump Opened A $150 Million Golf Course In Scotland, Is Still A Dick
Perpetual punchline Donald Trump just opened a new golf course in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, that purportedly cost some 100 million British pounds (roughly $155 million in US dollars). Trump commemorated the occasion by teeing off with famed Scottish golfer Colin Montgomerie and continuing his impress...
What Happened To John Van Benschoten? The Former Pirates Pitching Prospect Laments The Hitting Career He Never Had
John Van Benschoten, the Pirates' first-round pick (eighth overall) in 2001, didn't have a good big-league career. In 90 innings of work spread over three seasons, Van Benschoten, mostly as a starter, racked up 65 strikeouts against 68 walks and a 9.20 ERA. We ranked him 76th on our list of the 100...
How Readable Are Bill Simmons, Jason Whitlock, Rick Reilly, And Other Sportswriters? Science Investigates
The last time we played around with sportswriter analytics, we wondered if we could algorithmically determine a column's author based on his favorite words. (We could!) For a followup, I decided to look at the readability of different writers. Reading level is a nebulous concept and hard to define p...
Kegasus, The Beer-Loving Mascot Of The Beer-Loving Preakness, Is Actually A Sober Phony
What's the saying? If you'll keg stand for something, you'll fall for anything? Promoters of the Preakness Stakes must believe it. Turns out that Kegasus, spokesbeast for the Preakness and the best mascot in all of sports, is a sham....
<em>What To Expect When You're Expecting</em> Makes Me Want To Get A Vasectomy
My wife and I love kids—we just don't want to have any of our own. That shouldn't be a big deal, but sometimes other people sure act like it is. There have been a few too many instances when my wife and I have been around other folks' babies and the inevitable question comes up: "When are you two go...
History Is Bunk, When The <em>New York Times</em> Writes It About The Yankees
Two of the worst things in sports are Yankees homerism and New York Times writers who want to impress people. Put them together, and you get the Times's Mark Viera, coming off the sports department bench to gloat in yesterday's paper about the Yankees' 2-1 win over the Orioles the night before. His ...
How The Masters Theme Song Came To Be: An Interview With The Third Cousin Of Kenny Loggins
On the 14th hole at Augusta, with the breeze blowing through the trees, musician Dave Loggins had his inspiration. It was April 1981, his first trip to the Masters. His friend Ken Chance, an attorney, had scored passes, and they were walking the course. They paused at 14, and lyrics popped into Lo...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: No Matter What
This is a feature wherein we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
NATO Bombing Helped Young Novak Djokovic Play More Tennis
Talented tennis professional Novak Djokovic was just another promising 12-year-old kid in Belgrade, Yugoslavia, when NATO planes started relentlessly bombing the area in the spring of 1999. Over three months time, hardly a day went without something blowing up, and young Djokovic would sleep with hi...
The Jets And Broncos Agree: Tim Tebow Was Not Worth A First-Round Draft Pick
After picking Tim Tebow in first round of the 2010 NFL draft, the Denver Broncos have shipped him and a seventh-round pick in the upcoming draft to the Jets for their fourth- and sixth-round picks. So now it's possible to put a value on Tebowmania. Using the famous draft-value matrix that assigns a ...