whimsy Page 105 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Why The Lions Belong On Thanksgiving
The Detroit Lions are (arguably, I know) the worst organization in sports. Their incompetence, from the owner to the fans, is legendary. Yet, tradition dictates that every year, just as families arrive at the homes of relatives they don't particularly care for in order to celebrate this giving of Th...
The Legend Of Scotty Brooks
As you may be aware—if anyone can ever truly be "aware" of Oklahoma City basketball—the Thunder fired head coach P.J. Carlesimo on Friday, because frankly ... the beard has seen better days. More importantly, he has been replaced on an interim basis with a name I thought I might never hear again—Sco...
What Is There To Do In State College, Pennsylvania?
Tomorrow morning, I will wake up at an unholy hour to drive to Penn State University for the foot-ball contest between the nation's two premiere land grant colleges. (Look it up.) It will be my first trip ever to Happy Valley and Beaver Stadium and part of my journey will be to figure out why there ...
Is This The Most Suggestive Sports Headline Ever Written?
When I worked at the Peninsula Times-Tribune in Palo Alto, Calif., (former home of Ray Ratto!) a young copy editor came up with a rather inadvertently amusing headline for a story in the features section: You May Be To Blame If Your Dog Won't Come. That still ranks in my top 10 of funny suggestive h...
George W. Bush: Fan Of The Sun Devils ... Or The Shocker?
If you've been on the Internet lately, you've probably seen this picture of the President of the United States making a hand gesture that you probably wouldn't make in front of your own mother. He only did it while posing with the men's and women's track teams from Arizona State University and then ...
Five Holes-In-One In One Week: Shenanigans?
My grandpa averaged about two rounds of golf a week for close to thirty years and one time, when he was in his late sixties, he finally nailed a hole-in-one. It was a pretty big deal, as most things are when you wait most of your adult life for them to happen. He got a trophy and everything. So it's...
Going For Gold At The Peasant Olympics
You didn't think that China spent $500 million of our hard-earned mortgage debt on the Bird's Nest just so some namby pamby athletes could run around inside it for two weeks and then let it sit empty, did you? There are plenty of other athletic contests that can be held there. Like the popular and e...
Gimme The Damn Drapes!
Keyshawn Johnson's post-NFL career as an ESPN analyst has established him as a compelling on-air personality. Television producers have noticed, and now the loudmouth former receiver with the sartorial flair is taking his eye for interior design to the people — and basic cable. In one of the wackies...
Why Can't They?: What City Most Deserves A Championship?
Of all the World Series-related emails I received on my day off—and my goodness there were a lot of them—I think this was my favorite: ...
Marisa Miller Plus Ryan Braun Equals A Whole Lot Of Ball Jokes
I like to imagine a scenario in which Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun is sitting in a conference room with his agent and a representative from the Remington razor corporation. An opportunity has been presented to the charismatic young slugger, but he is hesitant. "Remember," the Draper-esque...
It's Always Sunny In "Pittsburg"; "Phildelphia", Not So Much
Well, the weather map editors at MLB.com are obviously trying to provide their readers with the latest Doppler radar forecast for tonight's 1/3 game. Viewers in these fictional regions they've outlined on this map should consider themselves well informed. Can't knock them too much — I still get "Ci...
Now, This Is How You Heckle a Member of the Opposing Team
Who knew Swedes got so ornery? But this is the treatment you get if you're an opposing member of a Swedish hockey team and were involved in a salacious sex scandal. Gentlemen...unleash the dildos! ...
Marathon Runner Blows Away Field, Receives Bright And Shiny Piece Of Nothing
Foot races are the oldest form of athletic competition there is and even after 4,000 years or so the premise remains the same: Point A to Point B, who ever gets there first wins. Unless you're at the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco, a race that Arien O'Connell foolishly assumed she's won, sim...
Not Possible!: The Legend Of Steve Buckhantz
You may remember me saying earlier that I'm not a huge NBA fan, but maybe that's because I don't get to watch enough games narrated by Steve Buckhantz. The Washington Wizards play-by-play man is shall we say ... easily excitable. Like Gus Johnson-level excitable. And because this is the way things w...
Cats Being CAThletes: An Afternoon at the CFA Iams Cat Championship
This past weekend offered plenty of football, baseball, soccer, and ultimate fighting to satisfy even the most casual sports fan, but most of you probably missed one of the more competitive athletic events that took place in New York City on Saturday and Sunday —- the CFA Iams Cat Championship feat...
Brain Explosions: Tony LaRussa Reveals To Duff McKagan That He Really Wanted to Coach the Mariners
Former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan has been online diary-ing for the Seattle Weekly, talking about all things Duff-related and this week he tackles a topic near and dear to him: Seattle's struggling sports teams. The cleverly titled "What happened to our teams?" lets Duff engage his inner W.C...
The Greg Oden Picture Guy Strikes Again
You may remember Daniel Shapiro here; he's the Portland Trail Blazers fan who had his picture taken with a remarkably unimpressed Greg Oden on an airliner recently. Here he is again at some unnamed sporting event with Boston Globe scribbler Bob Ryan, where it seems as if the only way Ryan could be l...
Two "All-Time Greats": Brett Favre And Coin Collecting
This commercial came on today during the 17-hour morning SportsCenter and ... wow. Just wow. Where to even begin? Is it the stolen Monday Night Football theme? The low rent "highlight" package at the beginning? The awesome URL? The bonus coin? The eight more bonus coins with handsome carrying case? ...
How Do You Say No Homo In French?
Ah Paris, city of haute cuisine, thin mustaches and aggressive poodles. You are also home to Stade Francais, the traditional Rugby Union powerhouse which, when it comes to uniform fashion, has a certain je ne sais quoi, eh? Here is their latest shirt design, launched to coincide with the European Cu...
The Home Of Your New WNBA Champions: Ypsilanti!
If you're the kind of person who pays attention to such things, you may have noticed that the Detroit Shock will not be playing their WNBA Finals games in Detroit or Auburn Hills or any place else within the I-275 belt. Instead, their playoffs are being held in beautiful and spacious Ypsilanti, Mich...