whimsy Page 106 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Some People Still Don't Believe That "Fukudome" is Not A Dirty Word
Last week it was revealed that one Oklahoma woman was asked to remove her Kosuke Fukudome jersey during work hours because the F-U-K-U letters may be offensive to some. The Fuk-u problem is still rampant — even in Chicago, apparently — as a 15-year-old sophomore at Elgin High School named Jill Howe...
John McCain Seeks Debate "Help" From Fellow Rageaholic
If John McCain seemed a little feisty during his presidential debate with Barack Obama last week, there's a good reason for it. His campaign claims that he began taking an herbal supplement designed to "enhance memory and keep energy levels up" in preparation for the showdown. Makes sense—until you ...
Attention Tampa Bay Rays: Kevin Costner is Here To Tepidly Rock You into the World Series
Already troubled by their lack of "worthy" individuals associated with the organization to throw out their first playoff pitch, the Rays obviously faced another quandary when searching for a rallying fight song to commemorate the occasion. Unlike the Cubs, who got Eddie Vedder's "Go All The Way", th...
Dueling Squirt-Guns to the Death
The following is a tale of assassins, of deception, of high speed car chases, balloon grenades, and of guns — lethal guns filled with vicious H20. It's no surprise that the participants of StreetWars, a water pistol competition operated by a "Shadow Government," are described as mostly being in thei...
Kermit Washington To Punch Third-World Hunger In The Face
Drought, famine, and crippling poverty better stay on the bench for this fight because Kermit Washington is coming out swinging. The former NBA baller and American University alum has his own non-profit organization called Project Contact Africa, that wants to throw a roundhouse right to the skull o...
Exclamation Point-Prone Playmate Adamantly Denies Engagement To Eagles Reciever
Yesterday, Philadelphia gossip hounds were investigating a rumor that "Girl Next Door" Kendra Wilkinson was engaged to Philadelphia Eagles' receiver Hank Baskett. Although many theories about the couple's cozy relationship were circulated, Baskett denied any physical relationship and maintained that...
Miami Arena goes Ka-Boom
Earlier today, the old home to both the Miami Heat and Florida Panthers got demolished, and we've got video of the implosion following the jump: ...
Chipper Is Cold-Blooded, Giggly
Forgive my Judaism, but I've never been known to partake in the sport of trophy hunting, especially when the trophy is so deliciously nonkosher. However after seeing this video of Chipper Jones I have to say it looks like a good ole' time. What's not to like about a sport that combines the fun of ...
Buzz Bissinger Wants To Help You Find Somebody To Love
For those of us lucky enough to be Facebook friends with esteemed author and cantankerous blog-basher Buzz Bissinger, we were all treated with a special surprise in the last 10 minutes when it appeared Buzz had made the effort to write something on our walls. Not the case. It seems poor Buzz got Fac...
Athlete Impersonations Reach a New Low: New York Man Claims to be Kenny Anderson
Michael Anderson has an awful lot of confidence in the basketball knowledge of Long Beach, New York residents to claim that he's Kenny Anderson and expect it to get him somewhere. I can't wait until ten years from now when Floyd Mayweather, Jr. gets arrested for impersonating Floyd Mayweather, Jr. ...
Somewhere, Matt Leinart Is Smiling
Well, this is unfortunate. But it appears pseudonymous website proprietor "Nik Richie" of TheDirty.com was nabbed for a DUI last January and The Smoking Gun has the wince-worthy police report from the night of his arrest. Nik Richie is actually 29-year-old Hooman Karamian and, well, Jesus, let's go ...
Great Moments in Confused Skydiving
The Tar Heels football program planned to kick off their season in style yesterday. UNC hired a pair of skydivers to descend from above and deliver the game ball prior to their match-up with McNeese State. Fans and organizers waited in breathless anticipation for their arrival. Only the skydivers ne...
The Onion Breaks Some Interesting News About Stu Scott
There are many reasons as to why I shouldn't link to an Onion article titled, "Stu Scott's Left Eye Moves To Fox", but the reasons why I should link to it somewhat outweigh them. I think. Not sure. But what harm could possibly come from linking to someone else's cruel satirical sports writing if it...
Tom Barbero Was Only Trying To Cool Off
Nothing gets a suburban small town more in a tizzy than when a "noted sex offender" moves into the neighborhood. All the rehabilitation and prison time in the world can never convince overly- protective parents this monster will ever be available for car-pool or babysitting duties. Granted, regardle...
Apparently We Can't Have Football Camp Without Broomstick Rape
I hate to be the guy that laughs every time some poor high school kid gets violated by some other kid or group of kids that think, "Hey, if I could stick something in this kid's ass, why, that would just be fantastic!" Where's the logic? It's not that these things are suddenly happening out of nowhe...
It's The Dog Kids Love To Bite
That wasn't the sweet taste of victory that a 17-year-old Bunnell High School (Conn.) wrestler was experiencing recently during practice. One of his teammates was arrested for alleged sexual assault, when he produced his wiener and slapped it onto the mouth of an opponent, who had been pinned. Ah, t...
Beef Queen Vs. Lettuce Lady: The Final Conflict
Showing an uncharacteristic sense of humor about itself, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has thrown down the leafy, fibrous gauntlet, challenging the newly-crowned Missouri Beef Council's Beef Queen, Meagan Webb, to fight their own Lettuce Lady in a tofu wrestling match. But we would adv...
D.C. Kickball Suit of 2006 Reaches Conclusion
In a monumental ruling for kickball fans everywhere WAKA, LLC (World Adult Kickball Association) v. DC Kickball has been dismissed. So I guess it's not monumental at all. The case was filed in February 2006. Why? WAKA alleged that DC Kickball stole their kickball rules. And if you've ever lived in ...
His Worst Scars Will Be Psychological, Of Course
I'm no rodeo expert, but I'm pretty sure this kid isn't doing it right. But such is life in the breakneck world of mutton busting; sometimes you ride the mutton, and sometimes the mutton rides you. Yes, mutton busting ... because in the old west, it was so important to break the wild sheep herds tha...
Dicky Lyons Jr, Or A Vision In A Dream
AJ linked to the story of Dicky Lyons' dream in yesterday afternoon's Blogdome, but these words really deserve their own post. During SEC Media Day Kentucky wide receiver Dicky Lyons Jr. decided to liven things up by taking the media on an intimate tour of his subconscious. ...