whimsy Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Australian Sportswriter Liveblogs 49ers Game, Discovers Just How Dumb Football Can Be
People in Australia are understandably excited about Jarryd Hayne, a former Australian rugby star who earned himself a roster spot on the San Francisco 49ers. Given that last night was his NFL debut, the Guardian had Australian sportswriter Matt Cleary liveblog the game for the folks in Hayne’s home...
Sick Of All Those Daily Fantasy Games Ads? This Is For You.
It’s no secret the ubiquitous TV ads for gambling, er, “daily fantasy” sites like DraftKings and FanDuel have taken over football’s bathroom breaks this season in ways boner pill manufacturers could only dream of. Everyone’s sick of hearing about this garbage, so we made something that, by compariso...
Here, Illustrated, Is Every Nats Fan
Take comfort in your friends....
That Anthony Rizzo's Such A Sweet Boy
Gosh, you know who’s a nice kid? That Anthony Rizzo boy. His parents have always been so kind to us. He brought orange slices to the game yesterday, and shared with all his teammates. That’s so thoughtful of him....
Sleeping Fan Jolted Awake By Chris Davis's Walk-Off Homer
Chris Davis hit two home runs last night, one of them being a walk-off bomb in the bottom of the 11th inning. That’s great for Chris Davis, but what we’re really here to discuss is the fan at the center of the image above. ...
Nice Going, Shane. Look What You Did. Do You Have Any Idea How Much This Is Gonna Cost?
Great, Shane. This is just fucking great....
Texans Lineman Explains Why He Drank His Own Pee, Is Pretty Cool
Jim Mudd, a producer for a local Houston sports radio show, recently took a trip to Texans training camp seeking an answer to a burning question: Did Texans center Ben Jones once drink his own pee?...
Little Pirates Fan Gets Baseball, Refuses To Put Down His Sign
Eight-year-old Pirates fan Dominic (sp?) held up a sign during last night’s Pirates game, in an attempt to get Starling Marte to give him a baseball for his birthday. Marte threw a ball in his direction, but another child grabbed it, which made little Dom sad. Poor Dom....
Deez Nuts: The Day Every Local News Station Got BOFA'd
The news about North Carolinians’ thirst for Deez Nuts forced local news operations across the country to cover the story of everyone’s favorite fake presidential candidate. So here’s a supercut of baffled TV anchors saying “Deez Nuts.” ...
Kid Takes Marco Rubio's Football To The Head
GOP presidential hopeful Marco Rubio might be a huge dork, but it’s not his fault this kid in Iowa took a football to the head. Rubio lofted that ball perfectly. That kid should’ve adjusted. Instead, this happened:...
These Are Our All-Time Favorite Sports Tweets
Inspired by our friends at Vice Sports, we wanted to write paeans to our favorite sports-adjacent tweets. These are not necessarily the best tweets, but they are the tweets that, for one reason or another, have always stuck with us....
Just Barry Bonds Dancing On Stage With Earth, Wind & Fire
If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when a retired person is living his or her best life, just head on over to Barry Bonds’s Instagram account....
Report: Geno Smith Got His Jaw Broken Over A $600 Plane Ticket
We’ve spent most of the day wondering what exactly led Jets backup linebacker I.K. Enemkpali to sock quarterback Geno Smith in the face, and now it looks like we have our answer....
Illinois Defensive Back Eric Finney Is Really Good At Taking Surveys
The Champaign-based News-Gazette is surveying Illinois football players before the season to learn fun facts about them. On Sunday, Illini defensive back Eric Finney filled out an entry. He did a really good job....
Soccer Player's Butt Healed By Magic Spray
“Become a soccer physio,” they said. “It’s an easy job,” they said. “You’ll never have to coat a player’s ass in cold spray in a stadium full of people,” they said....
This Is The Most Lit Political Ad Of All Time
Why is that large child getting carried around by his dad? He’s way too big for that. What a weird family....
ESPN Has Lice
Here is an internal memo that was recently sent to ESPN employees:...
These Poor Crab Fishermen Had The Worst Super Bowl Experience
That damn slant route that cost the Seahawks the Super Bowl was hard for anyone to comprehend, but I can’t imagine any Seattle fans had a worse time watching it unfold than these crab fishermen:...
The Marlins Played Fart Noises During The Nationals' Batting Practice
Some weird stuff happened at the Marlins’ stadium while the visiting Nationals were taking batting practice last night. Some weird fart stuff, to be specific:...
Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too...