winter Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Amy Van Dyken Ranks The Swim Strokes, For Once And For All
Amy Van Dyken has six Olympic gold medals in swimming, so who better than her to finally settle the debate that has stymied mankind since life first tetrapod-paddled up onto dry land. Which swimming stroke is the best??...
How To Go Backpacking In The Winter And Actually Have A Good Time
Just because the mercury has dropped below freezing and appears stuck there until spring, it’s no reason not to explore the outdoors. Let’s talk about how you, the fearful and apartment-bound city dweller, can get outside and embrace the cold....
Well That Was A Bizarre Press Conference From Mirai Nagasu
Of all the parties involved in the U.S. women’s figure skating collapse yesterday, Mirai Nagasu had perhaps the most baffling performance. Nagasu was considered a dark horse candidate to sneak in for bronze after delivering a big free skate performance in the team event, but she didn’t even attempt ...
Idiot On The Ice Dons Tutu, Monkey-Shaped Dick Pouch To Run On Rink After Olympic Medal Ceremony
Those who stuck around after the medal ceremony for men’s 1,000m speed skating today were treated to the sight of a rather portly man, clad in a very short pink tutu and a monkey-shaped pouch that held his dick, running on the ice to perform a little dance. ...
The U.S. Women Fall Apart In Figure Skating
A medal for the U.S. women in the ladies single figure skating was always going to be a long shot at best. With Alina Zagitova and Evgenia Medvedevia of Russia all but assured the gold and silver medal in whatever order the judges decided, every other top skater would be left scrambling for the bron...
Canada Loses In Hockey Again
Doesn’t some language have a word for feeling joy at others’ failure?...
15-Year-Old Alina Zagitova Bests Evgenia Medvedeva By 1.31 Points To Win Gold <em></em>
Russian 15-year-old Alina Zagitova gave a stunning performance in her free skate to win gold in women’s figure skating, retaining the tiny edge that she earned over fellow Russian and two-time world champion Evgenia Medvedeva in the short program. ...
Why Some Winter Olympic Sports Are "Faster, Higher, Stronger" For Men Only
Ah, the Winter Olympics, when the world’s best athletes compete on a seemingly level playing field for the glory of an Olympic medal. But while the medals given out are surely the same, the events themselves actually aren’t quite as equal as they may seem when it comes to gender....
Dutch Speed Skaters Apologize For Jubilantly Tossing Giant Replica Medal At Fans
The Holland House is the place to be for the Pyeongchang Olympics if you’re Dutch. It has concerts, drunken revelry, appearances by medal-winning Dutch athletes, and possible minor head injuries. Speedskating quartet Sven Kramer, Jan Blokhuijsen, Patrick Roest, and Koen Verweij attended a party at t...
There Should Be More Winter Olympic Sports
The Summer Olympics and Winter Olympics each span 17 days. The Summer Olympics has 43 different sports. The Winter Olympics has 15 different sports. This is a problem. I want to be positively bukkaked by hot sports action during any given Olympiad, and there aren’t nearly enough winter events to do ...
Veteran Of The 1972 Olympic Basketball Debacle Ranks The <i>Other</i> Olympic Scandals<em></em>
Tom McMillen has done plenty. He had an 11-year NBA career. He was a Rhodes Scholar. He was a congressman. But, 46 years later, he’s still rankled by the absolute theft of the 1972 Olympic gold medal basketball game by the USSR, one of the biggest injustices in Olympic history. ...
America's Lamoureux Twins Take Down The Canadian Hockey Dynasty<em></em>
In the third straight edition of USA vs. Canada in the women’s Olympic hockey gold medal game, the Americans flipped the script. Team USA rode a Jocelyne Lamoureux winner in a six-frame shootout to break a dramatic 80-minute 2-2 deadlock and earn a gold medal for the first time since 1998. Shootouts...
France's Kevin Rolland Takes Brutal Fall During Men's Halfpipe Final
Kevin Rolland of France suffered an especially nasty fall during the freestyle skiing men’s halfpipe final, landing right on the lip of the pipe and crashing in hard before tumbling backwards....
Elizabeth Swaney's Dad Is Proud Of Her
Through hard work and a series of gaping loopholes, Elizabeth Swaney managed to qualify for the Hungarian Olympic ski team despite having little skiing ability. When she coasted down the half pipe earlier this week and did no tricks, confused people everywhere hailed her as either the grifter of all...
Olympic Ski Racer Taken Away On Stretcher After Nasty Crash
Canadian ski cross racer Chris Del Bosco fought gravity and lost during a qualifying heat, losing control at the worst moment and catapulting some 30 feet down the course and landing hard on his right side....
Scott Moir Says He Respects Ice Dancing Too Much To Fuck
Here is a brief video of Scott Moir speaking at a press conference. Moir and his skating partner Tessa Virtue are two-time Olympic gold medalists in ice dancing. Moir has said that they’re retiring after these Olympics—“I think it’s a nice end to our Olympic career”—but they also “retired” after Soc...
This Is A Truly Dreadful Curling Shot
It does not take a curling genius (or, barring that, just a regular old Canadian citizen) to figure out that Japanese skip Yusuke Morozumi really boinked this one against Denmark....
This Is Why Cross-Country Skiers Collapse And Barf After Races
I get to trot this grainy photo out every four years, my own personal Olympic medal. There I am in the bottom right wearing team-issued Jackson Pollock spandex, flanked by advertisements for Red Lobster and a local brewery, my mouth open as though I’m screaming in sheer agony....
North Korean Speed Skater Appears To Trip Opponent After Falling
North Korean short-track speed skater Kwang Bom Jong caused a stir during a preliminary heat of the men’s 500 meter race. Right after the start of his race he stumbled and fell flat on his stomach, at which point he appeared to reach out and attempt to trip Japanese skater Ryosuke Sakazume....
Bode Miller Is The Worst Sports Commentator Who Ever Lived
Here is my impression of Bode Miller, alpine skiing analyst for NBC’s Winter Olympics coverage, watching Neil Armstrong take humankind’s first step onto the surface of the Moon:...