x Page 1023 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Pants Party: AFC South
Because the season starts, oh, tomorrow, we figured it was probably time to start laying out some of the predictions for you, division by division. So here's a quick roundup of predictions from around the series of tubes we call the Internet....
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marcus "New Mexico" Vick
We can't take credit for the beauty that is Ron Mexico, because it came before our time, so we can only have fun with the next best thing: His little brother Marcus, who has the most fun you can possibly have without actually having herpes....
We Wonder If She Used Fabric Softener
We know that many of you had to settle for the Florida State-Miami football game last night because you could not find this on television, but we are here to tell you that England's Louise Trewavas, aka Dive Girl, has broken the world depth record for ironing under water. Trewavas, from London, ir...
Reality Intrudes For A Second
I hate to throw a bucket of cold water on everyone right before the big college football orgy, but I feel like I should probably mention that Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester was diagnosed with cancer yesterday....
The Closer: OK, For One Night, We Don't Despise You
Notes from a day in baseball:...
Embrace Me, My Sweet Inflatable You
The competitive sex doll rafting community is still reeling over Tuesday's shocking conclusion to the Bubba Bobble Challenge Sex Doll Races tournament near St. Petersburg. We briefly touched on this yesterday, but we want our readers to know that we are going to stay with this story, and all of it...
"Show Me Where Mariotti Touched You, Alex"
We can't quite put our finger on why a picture of Ozzie Guillen talking to Alex Rodriguez while A-Rod violently adjusts his crotch region is funny .... but it nevertheless is....
Do Not Draft Domanick Davis, People
Those of you who still haven't done their fantasy football drafts, you might want to pay attention, so you don't make the same mistake we've made, oh, twice already....
NFL Season Preview: Houston Texans
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people paintin...
Texas Has Too Damn Much Money
The University of Texas has installed the world's largest HDTV at Royal-Memorial stadium, because... because they can, I guess. They've got a bunch of money to spend, and hey, no college football experience is completely without a 1608-inch HDTV in the endzone. Factoids:...
James Toney Is Not Mellowing Out
Former world champion James Toney is fighting a fellow named Samuel Peter next weekend in a title-elimination bout. The winner will be next in line to fight Oleg Maskaev for one of boxing's 342 world heavyweight titles (I think it's the one with the pretty rubies on the belt)....
Dwight Smith Has Seen 'Unfaithful'
And he's evidently a big fan of the scene that takes place in the stairwell, because police cited him for something that may have been quite similar on Saturday morning. The Vikings safety was cited for "indecent conduct," and so was the young lady who was with him, for something that was going on i...
Texas Sold A Lot Of Stuff
The Texas longhorns have set a new NCAA record for merchandise sales. A football national title, a baseball national title, a very good basketball team, and Vince Young can do that for you, I guess. The school made $8.2 million in royalties last year....
New Mexico State Basketball Player May Have D'd Up A Pizza Guy
It seems like the only time that pizza guys get any attention are in plot attempts in porno (did you order the extra sausage?) and criminal activity. File this one into the latter category....
Baxter Receives Amazingly Quick Justice
You know, we are no experts in the ever-turning wheels of justice ... but man, this Lonny Baxter thing got settled fast, didn't it?...
Not To Pile On The Red Sox Here, But ...
We know that often American celebrities will do advertisements in other countries — or their home countries — that they might not necessarily want to be seen doing here. But that doesn't change the bewilderment of seeing David Ortiz ... doing a boner commercial? Really? Can anybody translate?...
A Tortured Tour Through Red Sox Land
After the brutality of the last few days, it seems almost cruel to make the Red Sox and their fans go through one more game this afternoon. At this point, what's one more loss and humilation? Even the famous Boston Massacre was only four games....
The Closer: "Those Guys Are Not Playing Around"
Notes from a day in baseball:...
This Is Rapidly Becoming Anti-Climactic
The Yankees are in the process of ghetto-stomping the Red Sox again today, probably ensuring victory in the five-game series, and sort of letting the air out of the build-up for the series. The game was tied heading into the top of the 6th, until the Red Sox walked in two runs, and then gave up a ...
Evander Holyfield Beats Up Insurance Salesman, Will Insist On Fighting Again
Bad news for Evander Holyfield. He won last night, which means his comeback is going to continue. After beating the hell out of Jeremy Bates last night, Holyfield says he wants a Top 10 fighter next....