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Your <em>Expendables 2</em> Power Rankings
The Expendables 2 has 11 names on its poster only because there is not room, either in poster space or running time, for 47. It is New Years Eve with testicles. It is the turducken of action movies. Rather than review the film, I thought I'd just rank those 11 names, in ascending order of Expendable...
Cockblocked By Pot Brownies!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Bryce Harper's Advice To Children: "Losing's Not Fun" And "Be As Sexy As You Can"
Bryce Harper is giving back. He hosted a baseball clinic yesterday, and it turned out to be a pretty big story in the D.C. area. Yeah, yeah, the camp was free for more than 200 children. Right, right, Harper was swell enough to swing by on his day off. OK, OK, Harper presented a giant check to a loc...
Here Are A Bunch Of MLB Players Doing Funny Impressions Of <em>The Expendables</em> Cast
Allow me to self-plagiarize for a moment. A few members of the Deadspin staff, myself included, once went to the MLB Fan Cave. It was in many ways a soul-crushing place, where the Pepsi Max (but no other variety of Pepsi) was bottomless, and where Jeff Nelson was just hanging out, likely against his...
Fox Unveils "Goose Cam," Which Is The Worst Thing Ever
I can't imagine there's any football fan who turns on their TV on Sundays and thinks to themselves, "God, I hope this game features lots of Tony Siragusa and his crack football analysis." Well, now Fox is investing even more in their rotund, roaming reporter, giving him some kind of gadget-filled ...
A Fan Suffered An Apparent Heart Attack During Tonight's Blue Jays Game [UPDATE]
Update 11:15 p.m.: Toronto police have now confirmed to CityNews Toronto and the Globe and Mail that the man who was taken to the hospital has now died. MLB.com also has a roundup of player reaction to what happened. If you care to watch the above video, it shows what preceded the stoppage in play...
This Is What The Lincoln Tunnel Looks Like To An F1 Car At 90 MPH
To do some press for the debut of a New Jersey F1 race (which probably won't happen in 2013, as was planned) Red Bull Racing sent David Coulthard through the Lincoln Tunnel with a camera on his car. A speed of 90 mph would get him through the 1.5-mile tunnel in 60 seconds. That's shorter than what...
It's Stupid To Avoid Mentioning A No-Hitter In Progress. Vin Scully Said So <em>52 Years Ago</em>.
Awful Announcing dug up this Los Angeles Times article from July 9, 1960, proving the dumb debate has been going on at least that long. Let the Dean take you to school:...
Red Sox Player Mutiny Continues Apace
Injured pitchers two-fisting around the clubhouse! Stabbing the manager in the back! Fans who can't even mourn Johnny Pesky with their pants up! Can it possibly get any worse for those fourth-place Boston Red Sox?...
Blackmail, Sexual Obsession, Fight Fixing: Behind The Weird Scenes On The Night Floyd Patterson Conquered Boxing
Excerpted from W.K. Stratton's Floyd Patterson: The Fighting Life of Boxing's Invisible Champion, available today from fine booksellers everywhere....
Josh Hamilton's Fly Ball Damn Near Killed Andruw Jones
The scene is the Yankees game. Right now. Weather's nice in the city. Warm, breezy, with a sun obscured by few clouds. It's a beautiful day to watch baseball, indoors with the windows open, or on television. It's a beautiful day to play baseball, too, if you're anyone but Andruw Jones....
The Mariners' Double-A Team, Including Felix Hernandez's Brother, Went Nutso When Felix Finished His Perfect Game
Batting practice for the Jackson (Tenn.) Generals ground to a halt yesterday afternoon, as Felix Hernandez closed in on his first career perfecto. The end of the game was played on the scoreboard, and the Mariners' AA affiliate gathered in left field to watch the final few pitches. When Sean Rodri...
Specially Contoured Jeans Designed To Combat Scourge Of "Hockey Ass"
So, here's a real product you can buy that I never thought warranted existence. The hockey apparel-minded folks at Gongshow announced this one back in January, but it has just released its new Hustle & Flow jeans, an otherwise ordinary-looking pair of pants that serve a very specific purpose. We'll ...
Here's What The Scorecard From Felix Hernandez's Perfect Game Looks Like
Dave Sims, who called a fantastic game today for Root Sports, fully embracing the fact that Felix Hernandez was on his way to history and eschewing any ridiculous notions of superstition during the telecast, just posted a photo of his scorecard, and it's astonishing to see. The three boxes (and no m...
Mexico's Official Soccer Mascot Will Haunt Your Dreams
This is Kin, the official mascot of the Mexican national soccer team, which faces the USA tonight at Estadio Azteca. Mexico is 23-0-1 all-time against the USMNT on its home soil, though I'm thinking it's the hideous sight of this monstrosity and not the extreme altitude or exuberant fanbase that's t...
Felix Hernandez Just Threw A Perfect Game Against The Rays
On Monday, our man Tom Ley wrote about Felix Hernandez, the big-game pitcher who's been deprived of big games because he plays in Seattle. "No one calls him clutch," he wrote, "because his teams have been too wretched to give him even a chance at being clutch. But clutch isn't always about rising ...
Massive 12-Year-Old Too Big For Pee Wee Football, Too Bad At Football For Middle School Football
KDFW reports on the story of Elijah Earnheart, who at the tender age of 12 is already six feet tall and weighs nearly 300 pounds. Elijah wants to play football, but because of his size, he's been banned from his Mequite (Texas) Pee Wee team. Once you get the giggles out over the Fox screengrab of po...
Throwing Up Dip And Learning About Blowjobs: Deadspin's Notes On Summer Camp
I went to Camp Deerhorn in Rhinelander, Wis., every summer for the majority of my adolescence. It was an awesome camp. We got to fire guns. We got to shoot arrows. We got to go on horseback rides. (I’ve never shit my pants with more direct force than the first time I was on a horse and it went from ...
The 10 Rules Of Pimping, As Written By An Actual (Alleged) Pimp
Steven McDaniel, of Long Island, NY, was arrested and charged today with running a prostitution and heroin ring. Among the items seized by police was a handwritten list of the "Rule's 2 Da Game of Hoez!!!" Thanks to the Smoking Gun, we proudly present that list, quite sic'd....
Red Sox (And Pants) Collapsing In Wake Of Johnny Pesky's Death
Reader Brendan sent this to us from outside Fenway Park last night. Sure, there was no Sox game but a Springsteen concert there last night—how could a sports fan ever know?—but we assume this dude neither knew nor cared....