x Page 808 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Red Sox Skip Johnny Pesky's Funeral, Probably To Get Chicken And Beer Or Something
In case you're keeping score at home, a non-comprehensive list of reasons why the Red Sox are six games under 500: The Red Sox used to drink too much in the clubhouse. The Red Sox aren't allowed to loosen up in the clubhouse. The Red Sox got too fat. Ownership is too concerned with Liverpool. Josh B...
32 Paragraphs About 32 NFL Teams From The <em>Football Outsiders Almanac 2012</em>
The following is excerpted from the team chapters of the always-excellent Football Outsiders almanac. Buy the PDF for $12.50 or order the printed book from Amazon....
Minnesota State Head Football Coach Todd Hoffner Reportedly Booked For "Using Minors In A Sexual Performance"
The possible charges for Minnesota State head football coach Todd Hoffner continue to grow as the Mankato Free Press is now reporting he's been booked on requested charges of using minors in a sexual performance....
Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Who Will Tell The Children?
Last season, we learned that a fat guy who throws a baseball was much more than a fat guy who throws a baseball—the pitching performances of Bartolo Colon were nothing less than an ongoing assay of the human condition. One bad start against the Toronto Blue Jays was a sign that we live in a world wi...
Game Over: <em>Nintendo Power</em> To Cease Publishing After 24 Years
There was some surprising news today when we learned that Nintendo Power magazine was shutting down after 24 years of publication, according to Ars Technica and one of the magazine's senior editors (albeit somewhat cryptically). It was sad for me, personally, because before Sports Illustrated and ...
Tuesday Night Fights: The Dead Milkmen's Rodney Anonymous Learns Who Kenny Chesney Is From Watching A Concert Brawl
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Brawl at Concert 2012." Tonight's commentator: Rodney Anonymous, frontman of The Dead Milkman and semi-regular TNF review artist....
Rhino Fart Just Demolishes Morning Newscast
Hoo boy, if you weren't watching Kickin' It With Kenny on today's Fox 8 Cleveland news, you missed out. Never fear: here's the moment when mama rhino Kibibbi let fly during her morning hosedown. That's 1.3 tons of rhino rumbling your speakers and sending reporter Kenny Crumpton into a giggle fit f...
Georgia May Have To Self-Report NCAA Violation After Dumbass Fan Calls Recruit
Steven Nelson is a cornerback for the College of the Sequoias, and as a three-star recruit on Rivals.com is one of the more anticipated juco transfers coming out after this season. He committed to Georgia back in February, but is keeping his options open and touring other interested schools. He repo...
British Texas Rangers Fan Interviewed During Last Night's Broadcast Thinks The Team Is "Lovely Jubblies"
Jim Knox's interviews with fans during Texas Rangers telecasts have become a bit of legend around here, and he continued his streak of finding interesting individuals last night when he came across a boisterous Brit with a love for the Rangers. (We encourage you to Google 'Lovely Jubblies,' thoug...
What Is The World's Greatest Pasta Shape? Or, Why Linguine Is Bullshit
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering roaches, revolutions, jizz nutritional values, and more. ...
Red Sox Player Mutiny Now Kelly Shoppach's Fault Somehow
The New York Daily News features a screamer of a headline this morning: "Adrian Gonzalez off the hook as NY Mets' Kelly Shoppach takes fall for Boston's text mutiny." Oh, weird! I guess, contrary to the report from Yahoo, it was not "Adrian Gonzalez, texting on behalf of himself and some teammates,"...
Man Dives Into Kauffman Stadium Fountain For Adam Dunn's 400th Home Run, Is Arrested
Adam Dunn blasted his 400th home run last night into the fountains at Kauffman Stadium. One industrious and, judging by his jersey, long time Chicago White Sox fan decided to retrieve the ball from its watery grave....
Joe Paterno: "I'm Not Omniscient!"
Joe Posnanski's book on Joe Paterno will be released next week (and includes the quote from Bill James you see above), but various members of the media have obtained a copy. Among other things, the book reveals that Joe Paterno had to be coerced into reading the grand jury presentment by his family ...
A Freaking Baby Has Witnessed Two Perfect Games This Season
The kid's name is Bode Dockal and he was at Safeco Field for both Phil Humber's perfect game for the White Sox back in April and more recently, Felix Hernandez's gem earlier this week against the Rays....
Is This The Most Terrifying Weather Alert In The History Of Television?
It's midnight. You're snug in your Nashville bed, or maybe on the sofa with your lips wrapped around a crack pipe, I don't know, but whatever excuse you have for watching Jimmy Fallon, that's it....
Mets Identity Crisis Continues
First it was the return of Jerry Manuel and his weirdo aloof disposition to the Mets. Now, according to the Mets twitter feed, longtime Texas Ranger David Murphy is hitting RBI singles for the team while actual New York Met Daniel Murphy is lost somewhere looking for a position to play. At least th...
Your <em>Expendables 2</em> Power Rankings
The Expendables 2 has 11 names on its poster only because there is not room, either in poster space or running time, for 47. It is New Years Eve with testicles. It is the turducken of action movies. Rather than review the film, I thought I'd just rank those 11 names, in ascending order of Expendable...
Cockblocked By Pot Brownies!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Bryce Harper's Advice To Children: "Losing's Not Fun" And "Be As Sexy As You Can"
Bryce Harper is giving back. He hosted a baseball clinic yesterday, and it turned out to be a pretty big story in the D.C. area. Yeah, yeah, the camp was free for more than 200 children. Right, right, Harper was swell enough to swing by on his day off. OK, OK, Harper presented a giant check to a loc...
Here Are A Bunch Of MLB Players Doing Funny Impressions Of <em>The Expendables</em> Cast
Allow me to self-plagiarize for a moment. A few members of the Deadspin staff, myself included, once went to the MLB Fan Cave. It was in many ways a soul-crushing place, where the Pepsi Max (but no other variety of Pepsi) was bottomless, and where Jeff Nelson was just hanging out, likely against his...