x Page 809 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's What $78 Worth Of Hot Dogs Looks Like
We wrote a few weeks ago about the Texas Rangers' $26 hot dogs, and the ESPN crew decided to order a few up to the booth during last night's broadcast. If all three of those were consumed in their entirety, I have to imagine the pressbox was a pretty miserable place to be by the end of the ballgame...
Mr. McFeely Terrorizes Children With A Purple Panda
I don't know what the backstory is, I don't want to know what the backstory is. All I know is that a man dressed up as Mr. McFeely from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood is hanging out with some kids at a daycare/kindergarten class of sorts when in walks a purple panda and it turns into a scene out of T...
The New Season Has Its First Walkoff Homer, And It Capped Off A Classic Red Sox Meltdown
The promise of a new season hasn't shown much inspiration for the Boston Red Sox, as the disappointment at how last season ended has been reflected in their first three games of 2012: all of them losses, and two of them in walkoffs....
Two Games In And The Boston Red Sox Are Being Compared To The Titanic
Oh, this is delicious. The usually level-headed and sane Dan Shaughnessy had a few things to say following the absolute drubbing of the Red Sox by the Detroit Tigers yesterday. This one had it all. An already-short-with-the-media Bobby Valentine, continued Josh Beckett injury speculation and Shaugh...
Derek Holland's Hairstyle This Season Is Simply Absurd
WARNING: Do not look at this picture if you have a fear of clowns. Ah, shit. You already looked, didn't you? Sorry about that....
Peanuts, Cracker Jack, And Chaw: This Young Rangers Fan Is A Spitting Image Of Dad [UPDATE]
It's just a few days into the baseball season, but we're already reminded that some of the best action takes place in the stands, not on the field. Here's an example, as a young Rangers supporter takes after his father both in physical resemblance and, it appears, in the use of smokeless tobacco....
Nolan Ryan And Robin Ventura Exchanged Pleasantries Yesterday
For the first time since participating in the glorified noogie seen 'round the world, Nolan Ryan and newly-minted White Sox manager Robin Ventura met up with each other prior to the Rangers home opener against Chicago. Ryan, the face of the Rangers franchise, and Ventura have somehow never crossed ...
A Boat Race Between Oxford And Cambridge Was Interrupted By A Swimmer
For you troglodytes not in the know, Oxford and Cambridge hold an annual boat race and call it "Boat Race." This year was the 158th racing of Boat Race. Unfortunately, Boat Race was interrupted by a smiling man in a wetsuit who dove in the river "Thames at the Surrey bend stage of the race, with ar...
The Restorative Power Of The Chick-Fil-A Banana Pudding Milkshake
I've had a bad week. Not just a normal bad week, where you stub your toe and your DVR forgets to record Best Sex Ever or something like that. I mean, a legitimate bad week, where your loved ones are hospitalized and you crash your car into an illegal immigrant while going TO the hospital to visit yo...
Cockblocked By The SDSU Aztec!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
This Is What Happens When You Accuse A Notre Dame Football Player Of Sexually Assaulting You
Last week, the National Catholic Reporter published a lengthy piece on reported sexual assaults at Notre Dame. Its fulcrum is the case involving Lizzy Seeberg, a 19-year-old freshman at nearby St. Mary's College who committed suicide in September 2010, just 10 days after she was allegedly sexually a...
Luke Donald Was Nearly Disqualified From The Masters Because Someone Didn't Read A Fax Properly
Controversy at Augusta! There was some debate about whether Luke Donald shot a 5 or a 3 at the par-4 fifth hole in today's opening round. Donald's scorecard showed a 3, but a bunch of eagle-eyed sportswriters no doubt watching on TV from the media tent looked up from their catered lunch to notice he...
From The Sports Guy Vault: Bill Simmons Says Tear Down Fenway Park
Let's return to the Bill Simmons Archive, a collection of Boston Sports Guy columns salvaged from the defunct AOL Digital Cities. In honor of Red Sox opening day, let's look at an old column calling for the demolition of Fenway Park—and the construction of something totally new and different in its ...
This Howard University Scandal Is Just The Dumbest
News leaked yesterday that Howard University was suspending all athletic programs while it self-investigated possible NCAA violations, and that the problems stemmed from improper student-athlete use of their textbook allowances. A new day brings more details—and a semi-clarification from the univers...
Shitting While Skydiving: A Physics Experiment
I apologize for not posting yesterday's Funbag on time. Due to various circumstances, you only get a half Funbag today, and I may have to work a limited schedule this month. But fear not: Everything will be back to normal soon. If by normal, you mean talking about hypothetical superpowers and poopin...
Everyone Trying To Undermine Bobby Valentine
Beyond Lester, Beckett and Buchholz, the Red Sox rotation was up in the air. Would it be Daniel Bard, once the closer-in-waiting, now being stretched out to be a starter? Alfredo Aceves, the Yankees cast-off who can start, relieve or close? A guy named Felix Doubront? This being the Red Sox, and thi...
We Asked A Pro Wrestler To Weigh In On This Ditch Fight With A Big-Time Flying Kick
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "FIGHT like a BOSS ! Kampfsprung like a BOSS!" Tonight's commentator: Cory Kastle, a pro wrestler exploring his comedic chops during an extended hiatus from the ring on acco...
Here's What Kentucky's Championship Celebration Sounded Like Over The Lexington Police Scanner
If you weren't tuned in to the Lexington Police Department's radio scanner last night, you missed out on a wild world of sports celebrations that ranged from the violent to the perverse. (The #LexingtonPoliceScanner Twitter hashtag alone was trending worldwide, at one point.) We recorded the whole ...
30 Paragraphs About 30 MLB Teams From The Baseball Prospectus Crew
The following is excerpted from the team chapters and player profiles of the perpetually splendid Baseball Prospectus. You can buy the book now. Projected records via BP's playoff odds report. ...
Taco B.M. Monster Wins Name Of The Year
The votes are counted, the tallies tallied, and Dutch medical professional Taco B.M. Monster has been awarded the Name of the Year, beating out such luminaries as Commie Spead, Monsterville Horton IV, and Madz Negro. Next year's tournament starts "soonish." [NOTY]...