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The Best Four Minutes Of Baseball Last Night, Presented In Split Screen
We've put together a split-screen video syncing up the conclusions of both Yankees-Rays and Red Sox-Orioles that we hope the IP crew at MLB is too hungover today to notice. Enjoy....

20 Things Angry Buffalo Fans Wrote To A Female Sports Columnist Who Criticized The Bills
Last week, Jennifer Gish—a sportswriter who is a woman—wrote a column for the Albany Times Union that questioned "whether the Bills faithful had a right to demand respect after a 2-0 start." After it was published, some Bills fans wrote to Gish. Here is what they told her (I've taken out the newspap...

Dan Shaughnessy, At Approximately 10 P.M. Wednesday: "The Red Sox Season Is Not Going To End Tonight"
Here's Dan Shaughnessy, during last night's rain delay, with the Sox leading the Orioles 3-2 and the Yankees leading the Rays 7-0: "I think the Rays are not going to win tonight. I think that's the one thing that we've eliminated tonight is that the Red Sox season is not going to end tonight. They...

SprtsCntr: The Collapses Were Epic, And So Were the Clichés
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

And Your MLB Wild-Card Teams Are The St. Louis Cardinals And The Tampa Bay Rays
The Cardinals beat the Astros 8-0 behind Chris Carpenter's complete game two-hitter. Sounds simple. But the rest wasn't. They'd have to wait a while to get all all celebratory in the locker room....

Let's Watch A Dutch Guy Scare The Living Hell Out Of A Chinese Guy On The Subway
This video's called "Chinese vs Brawl Dutch (FIGHT)." Though it's difficult to understand what, exactly, is being said and disappointing how, exactly, they back away from the brink without resorting to violence, it's oddly mesmerizing to see Chinese get in the wrong Brawl Dutch's face....

Here's Chad McGhee With Your Weekly Knox City Greyhounds Update And T-Shirt Sales Pitch
Last Friday was not a good day for the Knox City Greyhounds. In fact, per superfan Chad McGhee, "it went bad." Like 54-8 bad. "Nightmare on Elm Street" bad. "I pray to the Lord that this team regroups and gets their heads out of their asses hopefully" bad....

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: The End Is The Beginning
It was a frightful beating that gave rise to Deadspin's ongoing search for the meaning of Bartolo Colon—the 38-year-old Yankees starter got knocked out of the first inning against the Blue Jays, surrendering 8 runs (3 earned), an outing so bad it raised questions about the pitcher's very purpose in ...

An MLB Umpire Forgot The Count Last Night And Held The Game Up By Making A Phone Call (Video)
Part of Gary Cederstrom's job as a home-plate umpire is to keep track of the count for every batter, no matter what the scoreboard or any television graphic might indicate. But last night, with Adam Dunn batting with two outs and no one on in the bottom of the fourth, Cederstrom apparently got caugh...

SprtsCntr: The Wild-Card Races Tie It All Together
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Here's The "Wasted Man's Nightmare Stuck In A Funhouse" Video You Won't Regret Watching
The good folks over at Sharapova's Thigh sent along this mesmerizing footage of the most accurate depiction of a carnival-setting bad trip mine eyes have ever seen. It's the laughter. That judging laughter. Stop the kaleidoscopic mayhem....

Deadspin Classic: A Prayer For Steve Bartman
Alex Gibney's film Catching Hell—about Cubdom's favorite scapegoat, Steve Bartman—aired tonight on ESPN. Last year, we adapted the following excerpt about Bartman from Will Leitch's book Are We Winning? Fathers and Sons and the New Golden Age of Baseball. Originally published May 4, 2010....

Today In Exploding Toilets News
"Authorities say a woman was taken to a local hospital after a toilet she was using exploded at the General Services Administration Building in Washington, D.C. Fire and EMS spokesman Pete Piringer says the woman has serious, but non-life-threatening injuries. Piringer says when D.C. Fire and EMS ...

The C-Roll's Happy Ending: A Back-Row Handjob At A Marlins Game (NSFW)
The finale of the C-Roll brings us, presumably, to what we now call Sun Life Stadium, where young love once possibly blossomed in the back row of some forgotten section—the details are now lost to history. There's no game audio attached to this one, so there's no way to determine when it was shot,...

The Curse Of Dopey "Curse Of The Bambino" References, And Other Dumb Things About The Red Sox's Stretch Run
Harvey Araton of the New York Times, reporting from Baltimore, sets the new/old standard for witless hackery today:...

Screw You, And Screw Your Man Card
I don't know who invented the phrase "Turn in your man card," but whoever it is should be taken out in the street and have his balls stomped on by a fucking marching band. Every Sunday, I'm now subjected to some goddamn Miller Lite ad where the guys in it are like, "ZOMG! You're drinking a generic l...

We Remind You Once Again That Dan Shaughnessy Is Putrid
Your letters:...

Rihanna's Bikini Top Offends Northern Ireland Farmer In Quaintest Dispute Ever
Well, this is adorable, and certainly newsworthy: Rihanna, who has probably worn a bikini top for ninety percent of her adult life, recently had "a conversation" with a Northern Ireland farmer named Alan Graham to discuss her wardrobe. As a result of the conversation, Rihanna will probably not wea...

The Cowboys Didn't Lose Last Night, But It Wasn't For Lack Of Trying
If you were watching the ESPN postgame last night you probably heard a lot about how Tony Romo and the Cowboys "dug deep." This is a nice way of crediting the winners of an ugly, sloppily played game, which I've reduced here to a few of its ugliest, most sloppily played moments. ...

Ozzie Guillen Says The White Sox Should Fire Him, Because He "Had A Great Team And They Played Like Shit"
This was a part of a droll press conference, in which Ozzie also said that the Marlins should be interested in him, because, "fuck it, they should be, I'm bad."...